Millipedes and Jellyfish

People have this idealized glory that Australian beaches are THE HOTNESS.

Some of them. Not all of them.

For one, the one near my house hasn't got soft smooth sand at all, instead the grains are kind of sharpened to kill. And jellyfish infested.

Jellyfish.

I hate jellyfish. And they get washed up onto the beach and all the hotness evaporates. Imagine stepping on one. Bleurgh.

Which means walking barefoot is out of the picture, so you can't walk around and feel the soft powdery deadly sharpness sand between your toes.

What a disappointment.

So you get bored of the beach and walk back up.

You can't do that barefooted either, because half the beach is a dog beach, which also means it's a dog-shit beach. Beware of landmines.

And if that wasn't bad enough, there are millipedes everywhere! Some as long as, oh, I don't know, just long. Very long. Black and creepy and wiggly and....

Bleurgh.

Which is why I don't understand why people come all the way here for our beaches. Seriously, I don't.