#24: Looking at myself in the mirror and for the first time in a long time liking what I see.
#25: Honesty.
#26: Watching The Crow
#27: Watching Thirteen
#28: Wearing my sister's old dresses.
#29: I'm so confused right now, but that's okay
...More to come.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
tom riddle's diary.
laugh at me
go ahead
it's what i would do
if i were you.
but i don't have to tell you that,
you already did
you told me,
thank you.
there's the
good
the bad
and the ugly.
i've had them all from you.
i don't mind
a picture isn't complete without the shadows.
i never know what you're thinking
or how you feel
typedeletetypedelete
do you do that too?
but i am glad
across the wire
you can't see me cry.
i don't understand you at all.
how do i know if you're being honest with me?
i spend my time
in a completely different world.
and whenever you cross my mind
i'm on the outside looking in.
one day you'll feel like that.
and when you do
i'll be there for you
because you weren't there for me.
but despite all that...
well, you know.
go ahead
it's what i would do
if i were you.
but i don't have to tell you that,
you already did
you told me,
thank you.
there's the
good
the bad
and the ugly.
i've had them all from you.
i don't mind
a picture isn't complete without the shadows.
i never know what you're thinking
or how you feel
typedeletetypedelete
do you do that too?
but i am glad
across the wire
you can't see me cry.
i don't understand you at all.
how do i know if you're being honest with me?
i spend my time
in a completely different world.
and whenever you cross my mind
i'm on the outside looking in.
one day you'll feel like that.
and when you do
i'll be there for you
because you weren't there for me.
but despite all that...
well, you know.
unconditional. conditionally.
It's taken me a long time to realize that love isn't about what you look like, or even how you act or how you treat others. It's taken me a long time to realize, with horror and excitement, that love is irrational; loving someone has no meaning, no sense, no rhyme or reason. You can love someone hateful; you can love someone who has hurt you so bad, so often. You can love someone beautiful, you can love that someone is beautiful, but if you love someone because they're beautiful you don't love them at all. I've learned that it's possible to walk away from someone you love if they've made you play with fire, you can walk away when you've had enough, but you don't stop loving them.
It's also taken me a long time to realize that there are many different kinds of love. I've learned that loving friends can be as intense and tempestuous as the other kind of love. I've learned that, out of the people you love, you don't love one more or less than the others; it's different stuff but of the same strength, the same capacity for miracles and danger. I've learned that love can border on hate; I've learned that love can drive you insane but make you deliriously happy.
I've learned that I am not the kind of person who can live without love. I've learned that there has to be people, people not of my own flesh and blood, that I would live and die for; people I would do anything for. I cannot live without that kind of happiness that comes when you know someone you love is happy; even if their happiness has cost you dearly. For me, that kind of love outside my family is strictly one-sided, and I feel a little hollow, a little vulnerable. But it does not matter that there is nothing for me to take; I have to keep giving.
I understand why people shut themselves off from it. I really do. I understand why people run away. Maybe they're the brave ones, maybe they're the smart ones. I can run away from people but not the institution itself. I wish I could, for a little while, until I can hold my own ground. I want what every girl wants; cute guy at the bar, flirts turn to deep and meaningful, etc. I don't mind switching it off until then.
It was horrifying when I realized that some people could do anything to me and I wouldn't stop loving them. It makes me weak, vulnerable, too easy to forgive and fall into traps. When people, when movies, make goo-goo eyes and start talking about unconditional love, all they really mean is that they don't mind if someone's going bald or puts on a few pounds. I don't think Hollywood, or even most of the population, has come to terms with the fact that you can love a monster, you can love them even in the acts of monstrosity. And it's terrifying.
Obviously high school is not the right place to have these kinds of revelations. The people I pass my days with are frightened of this. I'm sure at least some of them would have come to terms with some of this, privately. High school is a place where we trivialize drama and dramatize trivia. I'll have to wait until I find someone to say 'I agree,' and love me, for no particular reason.
I'm not in love, not in the strictest sense of the word. Not anymore. But I still love, some people, enough to make me vulnerable. I don't think I'll ever grow out of that, but let's just hope something good comes out of it.
It's also taken me a long time to realize that there are many different kinds of love. I've learned that loving friends can be as intense and tempestuous as the other kind of love. I've learned that, out of the people you love, you don't love one more or less than the others; it's different stuff but of the same strength, the same capacity for miracles and danger. I've learned that love can border on hate; I've learned that love can drive you insane but make you deliriously happy.
I've learned that I am not the kind of person who can live without love. I've learned that there has to be people, people not of my own flesh and blood, that I would live and die for; people I would do anything for. I cannot live without that kind of happiness that comes when you know someone you love is happy; even if their happiness has cost you dearly. For me, that kind of love outside my family is strictly one-sided, and I feel a little hollow, a little vulnerable. But it does not matter that there is nothing for me to take; I have to keep giving.
I understand why people shut themselves off from it. I really do. I understand why people run away. Maybe they're the brave ones, maybe they're the smart ones. I can run away from people but not the institution itself. I wish I could, for a little while, until I can hold my own ground. I want what every girl wants; cute guy at the bar, flirts turn to deep and meaningful, etc. I don't mind switching it off until then.
It was horrifying when I realized that some people could do anything to me and I wouldn't stop loving them. It makes me weak, vulnerable, too easy to forgive and fall into traps. When people, when movies, make goo-goo eyes and start talking about unconditional love, all they really mean is that they don't mind if someone's going bald or puts on a few pounds. I don't think Hollywood, or even most of the population, has come to terms with the fact that you can love a monster, you can love them even in the acts of monstrosity. And it's terrifying.
Obviously high school is not the right place to have these kinds of revelations. The people I pass my days with are frightened of this. I'm sure at least some of them would have come to terms with some of this, privately. High school is a place where we trivialize drama and dramatize trivia. I'll have to wait until I find someone to say 'I agree,' and love me, for no particular reason.
I'm not in love, not in the strictest sense of the word. Not anymore. But I still love, some people, enough to make me vulnerable. I don't think I'll ever grow out of that, but let's just hope something good comes out of it.
Monday, April 16, 2012
How to wash your hair with the kitchen pantry.
SUGAR SHAMPOO
for excess sebum, troublesome scalps and dandruff
2tbsp sugar
1tbsp honey
1tsp powdered cinnamon
2-3 drops tea tree oil
1. Wet hair
2. Mix ingredients together into a thick grainy paste.
3. Rub into scalp.
4. Comb through to ends with wet fingers
5. Rinse out. Thoroughly. The cinnamon is a bit of a bitch.
GREEN TEA ACID CONDITIONER
for all hair types.
2 teabags
2 cups water
2 tbsp white vinegar
1. Brew two teabags in one cup of water
2. Add one cup cool water to tea, pour into a drink bottle or old ketchup bottle
3. Add vinegar
4. After shampooing, tip over hair and comb through.
5. Sit for a few minutes
6. Rinse.
ROSEMARY ACID CONDITIONER
(I haven't tried this one. Will do soon.)
Fresh rosemary
Apple Cider Vinegar
1. Fill jar with two or three handfuls of rosemary
2. Fill with vinegar and seal
3. Store in cool dark place for two weeks
4. Add 1/4 cup rosemary mixture to 1 cup water
5. After shampooing tip over hair and comb through.
5. Sit for a few minutes
6. Leave in if you dare. Rinse out if you're chicken.
Tips:
1. Don't stick to a schedule. Just wash your hair whenever it gets greasy/dirty.
2. Argan oil or olive oil on frizzy bits and ends when you feel like cheating. Vinegar is pretty cool, but doesn't work miracles.
3. Experiment! And don't worry if people think you're strange.
4. Try not to make a mess. Once I'm done making/using all my weird concoctions the bathroom always looks like a crime scene XD.
I actually have no idea how the honey cleans. Maybe it's so sticky it just sticks to the dirt? Who knows. The sugar is a manual exfoliant, the cinnamon is meant to prevent hair breakage and hair loss and the tea tree oil is meant to cure excess oil and dandruff. Green tea and rosemary are also meant to help with hair loss, and weak acids restores the ph balance of hair and detangles.
I must tell you flat out that no-poo is troublesome. It was a pain to mix the bicarb and even more of a pain when it started leaving grey wax in my hair. (The sugar honey shampoo gets rid of that in two applications. Bicarb should really be used more as a way into water-only no-pooing or as a once in a while deep clean). Before I shower I have to whip up a fresh shampoo every time, and brew tea. I use absurd amounts of vinegar, not only on my hair but for general cleaning. It is not much fun at all to scrub sugar into your hair, and is even more of a pain to wash out. The number of times I've gotten vinegar in my eyes is ridiculous. And you miss out on the lovely smell of freshly shampooed hair, and the glossy silkiness of conditioner.
Buuut...my hair is healthy. It doesn't have that chemical tang or that funny coating of conditioner. It's not falling out or flaking up. I can go one or even two days without washing my hair, whereas before it started greasing up an hour after I got into the shower.And I can say that I wash my hair with sugar! How cool is that?
But you have to think about what shampoo is doing to us. Not only is it killing our hair, the chemicals in shampoo leach into our bodies. Think about how close to our brain that is. This is especially important for pregnant or nursing mothers, because these chemicals can go from the mother's body to the child. Shampoo is also a massive waste of resources, not environmentally sustainable given how much plastic is used to package it and isn't so great for the environment.
There are lots of ways to go no-poo. It's actually great fun experimenting, researching. Nothing is going to be as easy as normal shampoo, but where's the fun in that? I really think that everyone can no-poo, and everyone should at least try it.
for excess sebum, troublesome scalps and dandruff
2tbsp sugar
1tbsp honey
1tsp powdered cinnamon
2-3 drops tea tree oil
1. Wet hair
2. Mix ingredients together into a thick grainy paste.
3. Rub into scalp.
4. Comb through to ends with wet fingers
5. Rinse out. Thoroughly. The cinnamon is a bit of a bitch.
GREEN TEA ACID CONDITIONER
for all hair types.
2 teabags
2 cups water
2 tbsp white vinegar
1. Brew two teabags in one cup of water
2. Add one cup cool water to tea, pour into a drink bottle or old ketchup bottle
3. Add vinegar
4. After shampooing, tip over hair and comb through.
5. Sit for a few minutes
6. Rinse.
ROSEMARY ACID CONDITIONER
(I haven't tried this one. Will do soon.)
Fresh rosemary
Apple Cider Vinegar
1. Fill jar with two or three handfuls of rosemary
2. Fill with vinegar and seal
3. Store in cool dark place for two weeks
4. Add 1/4 cup rosemary mixture to 1 cup water
5. After shampooing tip over hair and comb through.
5. Sit for a few minutes
6. Leave in if you dare. Rinse out if you're chicken.
Tips:
1. Don't stick to a schedule. Just wash your hair whenever it gets greasy/dirty.
2. Argan oil or olive oil on frizzy bits and ends when you feel like cheating. Vinegar is pretty cool, but doesn't work miracles.
3. Experiment! And don't worry if people think you're strange.
4. Try not to make a mess. Once I'm done making/using all my weird concoctions the bathroom always looks like a crime scene XD.
I actually have no idea how the honey cleans. Maybe it's so sticky it just sticks to the dirt? Who knows. The sugar is a manual exfoliant, the cinnamon is meant to prevent hair breakage and hair loss and the tea tree oil is meant to cure excess oil and dandruff. Green tea and rosemary are also meant to help with hair loss, and weak acids restores the ph balance of hair and detangles.
I must tell you flat out that no-poo is troublesome. It was a pain to mix the bicarb and even more of a pain when it started leaving grey wax in my hair. (The sugar honey shampoo gets rid of that in two applications. Bicarb should really be used more as a way into water-only no-pooing or as a once in a while deep clean). Before I shower I have to whip up a fresh shampoo every time, and brew tea. I use absurd amounts of vinegar, not only on my hair but for general cleaning. It is not much fun at all to scrub sugar into your hair, and is even more of a pain to wash out. The number of times I've gotten vinegar in my eyes is ridiculous. And you miss out on the lovely smell of freshly shampooed hair, and the glossy silkiness of conditioner.
Buuut...my hair is healthy. It doesn't have that chemical tang or that funny coating of conditioner. It's not falling out or flaking up. I can go one or even two days without washing my hair, whereas before it started greasing up an hour after I got into the shower.And I can say that I wash my hair with sugar! How cool is that?
But you have to think about what shampoo is doing to us. Not only is it killing our hair, the chemicals in shampoo leach into our bodies. Think about how close to our brain that is. This is especially important for pregnant or nursing mothers, because these chemicals can go from the mother's body to the child. Shampoo is also a massive waste of resources, not environmentally sustainable given how much plastic is used to package it and isn't so great for the environment.
There are lots of ways to go no-poo. It's actually great fun experimenting, researching. Nothing is going to be as easy as normal shampoo, but where's the fun in that? I really think that everyone can no-poo, and everyone should at least try it.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
A Thousand Thousand Fearless Things #3:
#15: Apparently my French sucks. Ah well.
#16: A game during witching hour...
#17: Sewing. Unbelievably.
#18: Kimbra, live at Sing Sing Studios. Most beautiful person in the world.
#19: Washing my hair with sugar. And cinnamon. And honey.
#20: Secrets to take to the grave.
#21: A jean bag that is undeniably a piece of me. Whatever people think.
#22: Tracking the painters. Bloody confusing, if you get what I mean.
#23: Avatar. Ooh-Rah.
More to come...
#16: A game during witching hour...
#17: Sewing. Unbelievably.
#18: Kimbra, live at Sing Sing Studios. Most beautiful person in the world.
#19: Washing my hair with sugar. And cinnamon. And honey.
#20: Secrets to take to the grave.
#21: A jean bag that is undeniably a piece of me. Whatever people think.
#22: Tracking the painters. Bloody confusing, if you get what I mean.
#23: Avatar. Ooh-Rah.
More to come...
Ditz.
You know what happens when you hang out with boys far too much and you're not a) a slut or b) a tomboy?
You become a ditz.
Seriously.
Male company seems to highlight anything girly, feminine and princessy about you. Around girls, I am considered pretty low maintanence with a strange but unrelated penchant for makeup and heels. But around boys, sometimes I feel like such a tool.
For example, I choose my shoes by colour. It's a girl thing. Shoes are primarily for decoration, with the added bonus of avoiding splinters. This principle was fine when I was shopping for ball shoes to match my ball dress, but boy, i got som weird looks from the guy in the Nike store when the first thing out of my mouth was 'MUM CAN I GET THE PURPLE ONES???'
...you may have gathered I don't do a lot of sport, so I don't care about impact or performance or whatever. The only shoes I have bought with a specific, functional purpose in mind were basketball boots. And even then, they were aesthetically pleasing.
And cars. Don't get me started on cars. The only comment I'll ever say about a car that drives pass is 'that would make a really cool nail polish/lipstick', which might sound like a weird comment until you realize that the really shiny metallic paint on cars look like makeup samples. Sorry if estrogen is warping my head.
Oh, and now that I'm sixteen and can technically drive (I actually can't drive anything bigger than a little electric car the size of a poodle) everyone's asking me what kind of car I want. I guess I have to think of a more intelligent answer than 'a red one...'
Actually, one of my male friends did tell me what car 'I should say I want', but, of course, I've forgotten it.
Other things that boys kind of kick ass at - economics. I don't understand economics at all, and all of my friends - male, female, alien - seem to be in love with maths disguised as a social science.
I swear, I'm smart! And so not a princess.
But there is a spider on my computer...somebody please get rid?
You become a ditz.
Seriously.
Male company seems to highlight anything girly, feminine and princessy about you. Around girls, I am considered pretty low maintanence with a strange but unrelated penchant for makeup and heels. But around boys, sometimes I feel like such a tool.
For example, I choose my shoes by colour. It's a girl thing. Shoes are primarily for decoration, with the added bonus of avoiding splinters. This principle was fine when I was shopping for ball shoes to match my ball dress, but boy, i got som weird looks from the guy in the Nike store when the first thing out of my mouth was 'MUM CAN I GET THE PURPLE ONES???'
...you may have gathered I don't do a lot of sport, so I don't care about impact or performance or whatever. The only shoes I have bought with a specific, functional purpose in mind were basketball boots. And even then, they were aesthetically pleasing.
And cars. Don't get me started on cars. The only comment I'll ever say about a car that drives pass is 'that would make a really cool nail polish/lipstick', which might sound like a weird comment until you realize that the really shiny metallic paint on cars look like makeup samples. Sorry if estrogen is warping my head.
Oh, and now that I'm sixteen and can technically drive (I actually can't drive anything bigger than a little electric car the size of a poodle) everyone's asking me what kind of car I want. I guess I have to think of a more intelligent answer than 'a red one...'
Actually, one of my male friends did tell me what car 'I should say I want', but, of course, I've forgotten it.
Other things that boys kind of kick ass at - economics. I don't understand economics at all, and all of my friends - male, female, alien - seem to be in love with maths disguised as a social science.
I swear, I'm smart! And so not a princess.
But there is a spider on my computer...somebody please get rid?
i washed my hair with sugar.
and it's actually pretty good.
I wanted an alternative anti-sham, and after extensive googling I decided to try a 'sugar shampoo' - sugar mixed with honey as a shampoo - about 2 tablespoons of sugar and 1 tablespoon of honey is plenty for one application. I used white sugar, but you're supposed to use brown sugar...I don't see that it makes a lot of difference...
I've been using acid conditioners for a little while (using weak acid to detangle/smooth hair) but I've decided that vinegar on its own doesn't do a whole lot. So I brewed two cups of green tea, added two tablespoons of vinegar, put it all in a bottle and looked forward to not pouring freezing cold liquid all over my hair.
So, with wet hair, scrub sticky syrupy honey sugar mess into scalp. Not a lot of fun, standing wet and freezing in the shower rubbing ant magnet into your hair, but there is a kind of novelty to it. Let it sit, comb through to ends, then rinse. Thoroughly.
Even after lots of rinsing my hair felt kind of heavy and my hands were WATERPROOF. No joke. I don't know whether it's because of all the bicarb residue washing out or just some honey magic going on in my head but I was not too impressed.
But then, I tipped the green tea all over my hair, combed it through, let it sit, rinsed it out.
And I got my silky Asian hair that makes all the peroxide blondes turn green back! WOOHOO!!!
When my hair was drying I swear I could still smell the vinegar, but that always disappears once your hair is dry.
Despite washing my hair with sugar, which is still messing with my head, my hair is really nice and soft and clean, and is meant to be really good for the scalp. I'd say that the sugar and green tea has gotten rid of 90% of the weird waxy residue from washing my hair with bicarb (not such a good idea, in retrospect XD).
I guess the only thing to keep in mind is that if you don't wash out the honey properly you might attract wildlife. Also, honey lightens hair over time, which I shouldn't mind given that I did spend twelve hours with hot muddy henna in my hair in a desperate attempt for a bit of colour (all I got were some random vague red tints here and there) but after hacking off my dyed hair I'm starting to really like the rich dark tumble of wet hair after my shower.
Now that I've done this, I'll keep experimenting. Apparently adding cinnamon to the honey encourages hair growth and prevents hair loss, and tea tree stops the scalp doing any funky business. I also want to experiment with different teas, which should be loads of fun.
I wanted an alternative anti-sham, and after extensive googling I decided to try a 'sugar shampoo' - sugar mixed with honey as a shampoo - about 2 tablespoons of sugar and 1 tablespoon of honey is plenty for one application. I used white sugar, but you're supposed to use brown sugar...I don't see that it makes a lot of difference...
I've been using acid conditioners for a little while (using weak acid to detangle/smooth hair) but I've decided that vinegar on its own doesn't do a whole lot. So I brewed two cups of green tea, added two tablespoons of vinegar, put it all in a bottle and looked forward to not pouring freezing cold liquid all over my hair.
So, with wet hair, scrub sticky syrupy honey sugar mess into scalp. Not a lot of fun, standing wet and freezing in the shower rubbing ant magnet into your hair, but there is a kind of novelty to it. Let it sit, comb through to ends, then rinse. Thoroughly.
Even after lots of rinsing my hair felt kind of heavy and my hands were WATERPROOF. No joke. I don't know whether it's because of all the bicarb residue washing out or just some honey magic going on in my head but I was not too impressed.
But then, I tipped the green tea all over my hair, combed it through, let it sit, rinsed it out.
And I got my silky Asian hair that makes all the peroxide blondes turn green back! WOOHOO!!!
When my hair was drying I swear I could still smell the vinegar, but that always disappears once your hair is dry.
Despite washing my hair with sugar, which is still messing with my head, my hair is really nice and soft and clean, and is meant to be really good for the scalp. I'd say that the sugar and green tea has gotten rid of 90% of the weird waxy residue from washing my hair with bicarb (not such a good idea, in retrospect XD).
I guess the only thing to keep in mind is that if you don't wash out the honey properly you might attract wildlife. Also, honey lightens hair over time, which I shouldn't mind given that I did spend twelve hours with hot muddy henna in my hair in a desperate attempt for a bit of colour (all I got were some random vague red tints here and there) but after hacking off my dyed hair I'm starting to really like the rich dark tumble of wet hair after my shower.
Now that I've done this, I'll keep experimenting. Apparently adding cinnamon to the honey encourages hair growth and prevents hair loss, and tea tree stops the scalp doing any funky business. I also want to experiment with different teas, which should be loads of fun.
Friday, April 13, 2012
the endless frustration of no poo.
I've been going no-poo for a little while now, and I love it. My hair has never been better. It has this really nice shimmer unlike anything you can achieve with conditioners or serums.
This is what I do at the moment:
1. With dry hair, scritch (different to scratching, hard to explain) to clean scalp
2. In the shower, massage and scritch scalp with 1tsp bicarb soda to 250mls water in spray bottle
3. Rinse thoroughly
I used to use a vinegar rinse (1tbsp white vinegar to 250mls water) but I've found I can take it or leave it, the results are basically the same.
But now I am plagued by weird grey residue. I know it sounds gross, but it's not dirt, and it's not sebum. I have no idea what the hell it is. you can't really see it, you only really notice it if you run your fingers through.
Grrrr. I can't go to school with such manky hair. It's not oily and it's not dirty, but it's weird and waxy and me no likey. I want to keep doing no-poo, but I need help.
And I don't have hard water, I don't know why everyone blames the world's problems on hard water.
Update: Sorry about my rather gross whinge. Will be trying a green tea rinse tomorrow. If it doesn't work I may cry. I love my hair.
Another update: It turns out that bicarb soda is far too alkaline for my hair (most shampoos are alkaline; another reason why they're BAAAAD for you). Hair is actually naturally acidic, and my hair in particular seems to really like acid. I don't need to put any oils or moisturizers or conditioners or anything in my hair (the only humectant I really use is honey) and my hair is silky smooth and poker straight. Happy.
This is what I do at the moment:
1. With dry hair, scritch (different to scratching, hard to explain) to clean scalp
2. In the shower, massage and scritch scalp with 1tsp bicarb soda to 250mls water in spray bottle
3. Rinse thoroughly
I used to use a vinegar rinse (1tbsp white vinegar to 250mls water) but I've found I can take it or leave it, the results are basically the same.
But now I am plagued by weird grey residue. I know it sounds gross, but it's not dirt, and it's not sebum. I have no idea what the hell it is. you can't really see it, you only really notice it if you run your fingers through.
Grrrr. I can't go to school with such manky hair. It's not oily and it's not dirty, but it's weird and waxy and me no likey. I want to keep doing no-poo, but I need help.
And I don't have hard water, I don't know why everyone blames the world's problems on hard water.
Update: Sorry about my rather gross whinge. Will be trying a green tea rinse tomorrow. If it doesn't work I may cry. I love my hair.
Another update: It turns out that bicarb soda is far too alkaline for my hair (most shampoos are alkaline; another reason why they're BAAAAD for you). Hair is actually naturally acidic, and my hair in particular seems to really like acid. I don't need to put any oils or moisturizers or conditioners or anything in my hair (the only humectant I really use is honey) and my hair is silky smooth and poker straight. Happy.
the witching hour.
We are the metaphysical generation. Everything is virtual, in a different dimention.
Sensory experiences are old school. Anything that is anything happens with the patter of keyboards.
There is something I know as the witching hour. It's when all the fairies come out to play. It peaks in the early evening and endures long into the night. Waiting for this time is excruciating, and if you're not exhausted by the end of it, you feel a little empty afterwards; like that moment after a party when you don't want the night to end.
I love it. It's one long continuous moment of inception. Anything can happen.
Some people love the anonymity, the secrecy, of virtual reality. Some people like how you can have the most fascinating relationships with the most fascinating people but keep it hidden from the world, and break it off at a moment's notice when discretion is compromised. I love the freedom of these kinds of things, but with freedom comes vulnerability. It is so easy to forget, so easy to neglect something that, were it taking place in real time, would need some maintanence and effort.
It's the busiest time of my day, doing twenty things at once. I'm excellent at multitasking - I can make everyone feel like they're the centre of attention. They are. I just have twenty different points of attention and balancing them is easy. It's loud and crazy and you have this feeling like everything could collapse in a heartbeat, like if people start deciding that facebook is no longer cool (like they did to myspace and msn) or, God forbid, the internet dies...
But it's the silences that are the loudest. You never know what people are doing, on the other side of the wire, but you know when they're not there.
Sensory experiences are old school. Anything that is anything happens with the patter of keyboards.
There is something I know as the witching hour. It's when all the fairies come out to play. It peaks in the early evening and endures long into the night. Waiting for this time is excruciating, and if you're not exhausted by the end of it, you feel a little empty afterwards; like that moment after a party when you don't want the night to end.
I love it. It's one long continuous moment of inception. Anything can happen.
Some people love the anonymity, the secrecy, of virtual reality. Some people like how you can have the most fascinating relationships with the most fascinating people but keep it hidden from the world, and break it off at a moment's notice when discretion is compromised. I love the freedom of these kinds of things, but with freedom comes vulnerability. It is so easy to forget, so easy to neglect something that, were it taking place in real time, would need some maintanence and effort.
It's the busiest time of my day, doing twenty things at once. I'm excellent at multitasking - I can make everyone feel like they're the centre of attention. They are. I just have twenty different points of attention and balancing them is easy. It's loud and crazy and you have this feeling like everything could collapse in a heartbeat, like if people start deciding that facebook is no longer cool (like they did to myspace and msn) or, God forbid, the internet dies...
But it's the silences that are the loudest. You never know what people are doing, on the other side of the wire, but you know when they're not there.
A Thousand Thousand Fearless Things: #2
#8: Letting myself get upset.
#9: Getting that new Justin Bieber song on my iPod. Because I don't care what people think.
#10: Being really social! Happy.
#11: Deciding what to do. Not panicking. Not having expectations. Not being theatrical.
#12: Admitting my love for my Converses. As you do.
#13: Writing a poem at 2 in the morning. I will publish it if push comes to shove.
#14: Buying that hot party dress. In a size smaller than I used to be. Oh, you don't know what you're missing.
...more to come
#9: Getting that new Justin Bieber song on my iPod. Because I don't care what people think.
#10: Being really social! Happy.
#11: Deciding what to do. Not panicking. Not having expectations. Not being theatrical.
#12: Admitting my love for my Converses. As you do.
#13: Writing a poem at 2 in the morning. I will publish it if push comes to shove.
#14: Buying that hot party dress. In a size smaller than I used to be. Oh, you don't know what you're missing.
...more to come
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