what about the menz!?: feminist backlash

Now Playing: Begin Again by Taylor Swift (I've been spending the last eight months thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end...but on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again)

The fact that there is a backlash against feminism proves that the feminist movement remains of vital importance and relevance to our society.

The first sign of this is the number of women who reject the label of feminist - because it's become a dirty word. To say that you're a feminist makes you undesirable and unfuckable. Trust me, I know. I have been told to my face that the reason that I don't have a boyfriend is because I am 'so openly a feminist'. It's like telling someone that they deserve homophobic violence because they are 'so openly gay'. And I take offence at that, seriously. It's like saying that I don't have a boyfriend because I'm Asian - and yes, people have told me that. It is such an essential part of who I am.

But I've always found it sad when perfectly rational people, even people who discuss with me the ongoing issues of sexism and misogyny in our society, react so negatively at the label feminist. It shocks and saddens me that people still think that feminists are man-hating, baby-killing lesbian freaks. It shocks and saddens me that, by standing up for what I believe in, I'm branded as some kind of psycho. Because the truth is...most people I know are feminists.

Once I explain to people for what feels like the millionth time what feminism and being a feminist is, they breathe a sigh of relief and say 'oh, well, I guess I'm sort of maybe a feminist kinda' - as in 'Oh my gosh, for a second there I thought you actually thought of me as a man-hating,baby-killing lesbian freak'. Feminism is the radical notion that women are human beings. Feminism is the advocacy of political, economic and social equality between women and men. And a feminist is anyone who recognises the equality and full humanity of women and men. If you agree with all of the above...I hate to break it to you. But you're a feminist.

And I love you for it.

The biggest element of feminist backlash is what Anita Sarkeesian refers to as 'what about the menz!?' It is the false assumption that just because feminism is the promotion of women's rights and is a movement primarily comprised of women that we don't care about the plight of men or we want to take away male freedoms.

Uh, no.

Put it this way. If I spoke out against animal trafficking, I'm not saying that there is no such thing as human trafficking or child trafficking or sex trafficking or women trafficking. I'm just saying that animal trafficking exists and I want to do something about it.

Same. Freaking. Story.

Common 'what about the menz!?' things that people say:

1. Men get raped too.

Yes. I know. But not to the extent that women are. Female rapists are so extremely rare as to be statistically insignificant, and male-to-male rape statistics are lower than male-to-female rape, and in any case doesn't detract from the fact that rape is a male crime. And, statistics aside, men are never told that what they do/act/dress invites rape; they're never told to hide themselves or to act as second-class citizens to avoid rape - women are. The reason why feminists are primarily concerned with rape from a female perspective is because it ties up with the stigma of female sexuality, 'slut shaming', the idea that sex is for male pleasure only, the glorification of female virginity etc, and because the things promoted to 'avoid rape' infringe on a woman's basic human right to be who they want where they want doing what they want.

2. Women already have equality.

This one really confuses me.

Women are far from equal. Even in our privileged Western first-world society women earn 84% of a man's wage, and in some places in the US this is as low as 66%, are denied rights to paid maternity leave and subsidized childcare, the concept of marital rape is not accepted in society, and there are an endless number of taboos on female sexuality, virginity, anatomy and biological function. The portrayal of women in popular culture is largely limited to misogynistic cliches verging on soft porn and the pornography objectifies and dehumanizes women on a regular basis. There are so many rules on how a woman must look, act, think, feel, and we still all buy into the romance myth. There are so many contradictions in how women are treated - sluts are 'desperate' but virgins are 'losers', women 'don't like sex', but when one does they freak the crap out of their menfolk. Women are under-represented in the political spheres, in academia and science, on the corporate ladder and in public life, and the major religions still preach misogynistic messages based on outdated, sexist, 'traditional' gender roles.

And it really does go downhill from there. For example, in Saudi Arabia women are forbidden to drive, with religious clerics claiming that if women are allowed to drive there would be 'no more virgins and an increase in homosexuality' - I can't even begin to explain how fucked up this logic is. Women must cover from head to toe and are executed for 'being raped'. The Saudi Arabian government is currently deliberating over legislation to order 'attractive' women to cover their eyes if they are deemed 'tempting', and there is a Committee of the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice which constantly abuses human rights, especially concerning women. These women can't even think about the right to free marriage, to divorce, to reproductive rights, workplace equality...and they tell me we don't need feminism.

3. Men have it tough, too.

I know.

I know that whilst us girls are complaining about periods and bras and leg shaving and acne and the headache that is birth control boys are doing it tough, too. Body parts refuse to co-operate. Genitals engorge with blood for no apparent reason. Beards must be shaved despite a face full of painful hormonal pimples.

But at the end of this rough ride men acquire bodies that give them power. They acquire the physical presence that suits the high status of men in our society. They have the power to hit back. At the end of this rough ride for women, we become fair game - even more vulnerable than the children we used to be.

What about the menz!? is weak and pathetic. Feminist backlash as a whole is weak and pathetic. People can only criticize feminism by first incorrectly defining it as some grotesque cult, and even then you can't reject the logic of it. Feminist backlash is the childish insecurity caused by change that must happen because privilege is so often based on inequity. Men are not born inherently better than women. Society creates that void, not biology or sexuality.

A Thousand Thousand Fearless Things #82

Now Playing: Red by Taylor Swift (losing him was blue like I'd never known, missing him was dark grey, all alone)

#768: Red by Taylor Swift

#769: The most hellish two-hour commute in the history of the world

#770: Casually changing out of uniform after an exam to get a seat on the bus. It worked.

#771: A letter to the Class of 2013

#772: Hermit

#773: Best English mark all year

#774: Super high before the lit exam

#775: three down, three to go

#776: strawberry tea

#777: falling asleep in the bath

To The Class of 2013

Now Playing: Red by Taylor Swift (loving him was like trying to change your mind once you're already flying through the freefall)

To the Perth Modern School Class of 2013,

We've had a rather tempestuous relationship, huh?

I'll never forget the first term of year eight. I'd spent so long bullied and marginalized in primary school that going to Perth Mod felt like coming home. I loved you all, I promise. All I wanted was to belong.

I know many of you object to my decision to skip a grade, but I refuse to apologise for it. I refuse to apologise for being myself, for doing something for myself. Skipping a grade was one of the hardest decisions I've had to make, and one of the hardest things I've ever had to do - but I have no regrets. It was the best thing I've ever done and I cannot make myself apologise for it.

I didn't talk to many people about it, and I know it must have seem rather sudden. I didn't do it because I hated you - I really hoped that we could still be friends and I could still be part of the Class of 2013 even though I was in different classes. And I didn't think that I was better than you, at all - it was simply an opportunity that came up and I took it. I took it because I knew I was capable and I knew I needed the challenge - and there's nothing wrong with that. You don't pick on the kid in the interstate sports competition, so why did you pick on the girl who skipped a grade in English? I never understood it, and it really hurt me.

I'm not going to apologise if I appeared proud. I was very proud of myself, of what I did. And there is nothing wrong with that - being proud of what you are good at. Year nine English class felt like home. I'm not sorry if I made anyone feel jealous or put out or inadequate - it's part of life. There will always be people better at you at something.

I do not understand what I have done to deserve the hostility. I have never bitched about anyone, and if I ever hurt someone it's unintentional and I apologise profusely. And yet I have had to endure four years of abuse from you, and a thousand times worse behind my back. I know that you think that I'm 'putting myself in front of someone who doesn't want it', but he 'enjoys it so he keeps me'. You don't know how these comments about my best friend and I have hurt me - you don't know me, and you definitely don't know us, and I cannot comprehend how you are justified in saying such things, especially to people outside of school. Nothing anyone has ever said has had a seed of truth to it. I am not a know it all. I have never hurt people the way that they have hurt me. What I did wasn't an insult to you, you only took it that way. I know exactly who told lies to the teachers so that they would have any opportunity to reduce me to tears. I know everything I say or do that isn't perfect or normal comes under intense scrutiny. And for what? All I have ever done was been myself.

These last four years have been very lonely. I don't think many of you understand that - how much I've had to give up, just to be myself. The hostility to my initial grade skipping endeavours was frightening - I was really very scared, and deeply hurt. I would have supported anyone else in whatever they did. I didn't think people would be so...so angry, and take it so personally. And so I decided to cut ties and move up completely. I wasn't going to. I was going to stay, be part of the Class of 2013. But I couldn't - I couldn't put up with the bullying, with the hostility, being made to feel that everything I've ever done was a mistake.

Dear K, every time I see you I want to come up to you, talk to you, make it a loving cup before I leave. I wish I had the guts to do that. I miss my funny basketball friend. But I'm scared. I'm scared that you'll hurt me again. So I'll say it here, if you're still here: I miss you. I missed you every day of the last three years that we weren't friends. Every day I wanted to talk to you, but I was too scared. I'm not hurting anymore, and it hasn't hurt in a long time. I forgive you and I hope you forgive me. And I wish you well.

Dear Class of 2013, I wish each and every one of you the very best. Good luck with year twelve, with exams, with the rest of your lives. You all have wonderful futures ahead of you and I wish you well. I wish I could be doing it all with you, but that's not a possibility anymore. I never stopped wishing that we could be friends. And even though you hurt me, misunderstood me, made me cry, almost made me give up...I never stopped loving each and every one of you. Because I remember that first day of year eight, as frightened twelve year olds in the Thomas St Building. We were all in this together; we were all family.

All my love,
Lady Solitaire.

Wordless Wednesday: 10 Reasons to Oppose Marriage Equality

(image credit: Gay Marriage Rights in Australia Facebook Page)

inoculation

they ask if it hurt
if i'm numb
if i can feel anything

yes, i can see you
feel you

hear you
touch you

but now you can touch and not bruise
harm but not kill

they say i will never feel anything again

but that's a lie

love wrote history
and there are ties that bind

i still remember every touch, taste and scar

i am not tainted
but i am not new

now nobody can hurt me
as much as you

click here for a discussion of inoculation

가랔지

Now Playing: Red by Taylor Swift (loving him was like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street, faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ended so suddenly...)

You know what's cool? 가랔지 (garakji)

In Joseon Korea (when my family was a yangban clan) single women wore 반지 (banji), or a single ring, and married/engaged women wore two matching rings, one on top of the other, called 가랔지. The rings could be tied together or be one ring that looks like two. It represents the harmony of the married couple. As seen in the K-drama 동이 (Dong Yi), when the king gives Lady Chun a pair of jade rings tied together with red silk.

Nawwwwww.

And of course now I am dying to have one.

Red

Now Playing: Red by Taylor Swift (loving him was red)

Touching him was like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you,
Memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favourite song,
Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there's no right answer,
Regretting him was like wishing you never found out that love could be that strong.

- Red, Taylor Swift 

hahaha

Now Playing: Mine by Taylor Swift (I remember how we felt sitting by the water, and every time I look at you it's like the first time)

I've been looking back at some old posts.

Damn, I was a weird twelve year old.

Music Monday: Wednesday in a Cafe

you made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter, you are the best thing that's ever been mine.

A Thousand Thousand Fearless Things #81

Now Playing: She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5 (I know all of the things that make you who you are)

#759: AAAAAAH

#760: Incoherent whinging XD

#761: Milo and cookie cream ice cream, where have you been all my life?

#762: Maybe I will do something about my procrastination tomorrow.

#763: you know you need sleep when you're genuinely panicking that a hypothetical Mr Wonderful will not be a good kisser

#764: subtle hints

#765: you are the best thing that's ever been mine

#766: the truth is hiding in your eyes and it's hanging on your tongue, just boiling in my blood

#767: Exam stress + period + liberal amounts of ice cream = breakout :(