Have you ever read the ingredient label of your shampoo bottle?
Probably not, because you're probably not a psycho like me ;)
But...if you do read it, it's pretty disturbing. sulphates, parabens, ammonium, colour, fragrance and preservatives. That's basically it. That's what you rub onto your hair - think about how close that is to your brain - every day.
Shampoos without sulphates and parabens don't work, and are ridiculously expensive. Simply put, shampoo is a baaaad idea.
People in the modern world has a bizarre ritual - we strip away all our natural oils with harsh chemicals, and then replace these oils with even more chemicals, aka conditioner. It really doesn't make any sense.
But there are alternatives.
Natural soap, like castile soap, is a good alternative. But I don't really have access to that, and I don't particularly feel like washing my hair with Coles brand Antibacterial Handwash. Not using shampoo at all is also another option, but if you're a hormonal teenage greaseball like I am, that's probably not a good idea, either. As for conditioner, there are heaps of alternatives - any natural vegetable oil, like coconut oil, olive oil or argan oil. Or you can be strange like me and pour vinegar on your head.
Here is what I do.
Before I get in the shower, I wash my scalp and roots with a mixture of 1/4 cup bicarb soda and 1 cup water - this lasts for at least two or three washes. Then, I comb through a mixture of 400ml water and 4 tbsp vinegar (although I might use less vinegar next time because my hair smells kinda strange) - again, this lasts for more than one wash - and then when I finally get in the shower I rinse it all out with just plain water. Bicarb soda and vinegar are, obviously, harmless and completely edible, but neither taste good and both hurt like HELL if you get them in your eye. Also, if you use too much vinegar (like, ahem, full strength) you will end up with temporary, but very scary red streaks all over your face, and your hair will stink. Then, I rub a little bit of witch hazel into the roots and argan oil into the lengths and ends after I've towel dried.
What's the theory behind this rather bizarre ritual? Well, bicarb soda is really good for cleaning, stripping away products and absorbing oil - which is why it's an awesome dry shampoo in between washes. But it is slightly alkaline, and your hair really should have a neutral ph. The vinegar solution balances the alkaline bicarb, and the fizzing reaction between the bicarb and vinegar also helps to clean. Vinegar also makes your hair softer and shinier. Witch hazel is a good skin toner so is also good for oily scalps or dandruff, and adds volume. Argan oil is a natural moisturizer that helps to prevent (but not heal) split ends, frizz and dryness.
No artificial crap at all. The No-Poo method.
The result? My hair isn't oily (it has been for a little while now, because I ran out of bicarb soda. I honestly can't live without bicarb soda now), and feels really clean and soft. It looks silky. It doesn't smell AMAZING like freshly shampooed hair does - it smells very faintly of argan oil, which is a bit nutty, which only just covers a little trace of vinegar because I think I didn't quite get the ratio right (I think it should be 500ml to 4tbsp of water). I got a bit of the bicarb and vinegar in my eyes and CRAP THAT STINGS (searching for the tap with your eyes squeezed shut...not fun) but I didn't get lovely red streaks down my face from full strength vinegar. It is a bit fiddly, mixing all the different potions and applying them, but it's not so bad. I definitely think my hair has more volume, though, and no dandruff.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Natural Hair Secrets
I have what I would call pretty standard, ordinary hair. I'm Asian, so I have very black, moderately thick straight hair, and I'm so lazy that if I can't find my hair brush (or if it's soaking in baking soda, but that's another story) I won't even brush it.
I do, however, have a few tips for really glossy, shiny hair. And because so many people ask me if I straighten my hair and there are so many people with hair in need of love, I'm going to post some very weird tips.
I've become a very crunchy person lately - and my hair care has become very natural and frugal. I swear by these four things: bicarb soda, witch hazel, vinegar and argan oil.
I don't use conventional styling products on a regular basis anymore, and I'm on the lookout for a more organic shampoo that actually works (I haven't had much luck with that, so at the moment I use Schwartzkopft and Dove). Don't believe the hype - once you get split ends, they're done for, and the only thing to do is to hack it off. Products claiming to 'heal' split ends only weigh your hair down with chemicals.
I never straighten or blow dry my hair - and I only curl my hair on special occasions. In the weeks before ball I was curling my hair every weekend and man, it got soooo fried.
You can add bicarb soda for anything used for cleaning - body wash, shampoo, toothpaste - I use it in my shampoo to strip away hairspray (such as after the ball) and oil without drying out my hair. I have very greasy hair and I normally have to wash my hair every day, but if I add bicarb to my shampoo I can normally stretch to every other day washing. I also use bicarb soda as dry shampoo - on the days that I don't wash my hair, I rub a little bit into the roots (it's a bit too drying for the ends) before I go to bed. It is white, and I do have black hair, but you don't end up with the granny look you get if you use baby powder.
Vinegar is a detangler and also helps to strip your hair of products and oil. After shampooing spray vinegar liberally into wet hair (if your hair is very dry, dilute with water) and leave for a few minutes, then rinse out and condition as normal.
I use witch hazel as a toner, aftershave and to freshen up, but it also works really well for oily scalps and/or dandruff. Massage a little into the roots of damp hair. Keep away from lengths and ends as it is too drying.
One thing you can put into the lengths and ends of hair is argan oil, which as been used by Moroccan women for face, nails and hair for centuries. I run two drops into my hair when it's damp, and a drop or two in the morning if my hair's gotten a bit frizzy.
I have only dyed my hair once in my life - in year eight, I put red highlights in on a whim. And I loved it. But now, I want to experiment with a more natural alternative to conventional hair dye - henna rouge, which is a conditioning treatment that glazes hair with a red tint that catches the sunlight. I'll post a review of sorts once I've done that.
I do, however, have a few tips for really glossy, shiny hair. And because so many people ask me if I straighten my hair and there are so many people with hair in need of love, I'm going to post some very weird tips.
I've become a very crunchy person lately - and my hair care has become very natural and frugal. I swear by these four things: bicarb soda, witch hazel, vinegar and argan oil.
I don't use conventional styling products on a regular basis anymore, and I'm on the lookout for a more organic shampoo that actually works (I haven't had much luck with that, so at the moment I use Schwartzkopft and Dove). Don't believe the hype - once you get split ends, they're done for, and the only thing to do is to hack it off. Products claiming to 'heal' split ends only weigh your hair down with chemicals.
I never straighten or blow dry my hair - and I only curl my hair on special occasions. In the weeks before ball I was curling my hair every weekend and man, it got soooo fried.
You can add bicarb soda for anything used for cleaning - body wash, shampoo, toothpaste - I use it in my shampoo to strip away hairspray (such as after the ball) and oil without drying out my hair. I have very greasy hair and I normally have to wash my hair every day, but if I add bicarb to my shampoo I can normally stretch to every other day washing. I also use bicarb soda as dry shampoo - on the days that I don't wash my hair, I rub a little bit into the roots (it's a bit too drying for the ends) before I go to bed. It is white, and I do have black hair, but you don't end up with the granny look you get if you use baby powder.
Vinegar is a detangler and also helps to strip your hair of products and oil. After shampooing spray vinegar liberally into wet hair (if your hair is very dry, dilute with water) and leave for a few minutes, then rinse out and condition as normal.
I use witch hazel as a toner, aftershave and to freshen up, but it also works really well for oily scalps and/or dandruff. Massage a little into the roots of damp hair. Keep away from lengths and ends as it is too drying.
One thing you can put into the lengths and ends of hair is argan oil, which as been used by Moroccan women for face, nails and hair for centuries. I run two drops into my hair when it's damp, and a drop or two in the morning if my hair's gotten a bit frizzy.
I have only dyed my hair once in my life - in year eight, I put red highlights in on a whim. And I loved it. But now, I want to experiment with a more natural alternative to conventional hair dye - henna rouge, which is a conditioning treatment that glazes hair with a red tint that catches the sunlight. I'll post a review of sorts once I've done that.
having standards.
It's part of being fearless, and searching for someone fearless.
When I was younger I admit I didn't have many standards. I didn't have a very high opinion of myself or the kind of guys I could get. When I first started high school I was piling on weight, I had really bad acne, suffered from depression and was desperately boy crazy.
I've gotten over that.
Now I've lost weight - I'm not supermodel thin, but I'm healthy - and I've finally gotten over my random patches of red, angry acne. I've gotten over my depression - mostly - and I've given up on my rather silly ambition to have a high school boyfriend.
Now I spend a lot of time around boys, and there are things that immediately rub the wrong way. After years of not understanding why girls dumped boys for being 'clingy' I finally get that. My mind works fast, and I'm constantly making decisions, changing my mind, flipping from one thing to another, and it drives me insane when somebody can't keep up and tries to slow me down. I never shut up, so I don't understand people who have nothing to say. I like consistency. I don't like it when people behave one way online and a different way in person. I like people who aren't afraid to let their hair down and shake it to Britney. I don't like people who constantly babble an endless stream of whinges and criticisms. Don't diss my taste in music. Don't diss my sister. Don't diss the subjects I study at school or the blog I write on. I always wanted to arrive at the school ball in a big black hummer, and I don't need you to tell me that it's tacky. If I say you look nice, say 'thank you' not 'I don't like flattery'. If you diss the stuff I like and want, and call it tasteless to my face, you're telling me that I'm tasteless. And if that's your opinion, fine, maybe I am. But I'm not a desperate pre-teen anymore. There's a difference between tactless and fearless.
I'm not saying this to say that I am perfect, or that I expect teenage boys to conform exactly to a teenage girl's expectations, or that the things that I have listed above aren't forgivable or changeable. I'm just saying that before now, I would have swooned blindly. But now I have the wisdom to step back and realize that I'm allowed to be annoyed, peeved, pissed off, and that I don't have to fall blindly for every guy I know.
When I was younger I admit I didn't have many standards. I didn't have a very high opinion of myself or the kind of guys I could get. When I first started high school I was piling on weight, I had really bad acne, suffered from depression and was desperately boy crazy.
I've gotten over that.
Now I've lost weight - I'm not supermodel thin, but I'm healthy - and I've finally gotten over my random patches of red, angry acne. I've gotten over my depression - mostly - and I've given up on my rather silly ambition to have a high school boyfriend.
Now I spend a lot of time around boys, and there are things that immediately rub the wrong way. After years of not understanding why girls dumped boys for being 'clingy' I finally get that. My mind works fast, and I'm constantly making decisions, changing my mind, flipping from one thing to another, and it drives me insane when somebody can't keep up and tries to slow me down. I never shut up, so I don't understand people who have nothing to say. I like consistency. I don't like it when people behave one way online and a different way in person. I like people who aren't afraid to let their hair down and shake it to Britney. I don't like people who constantly babble an endless stream of whinges and criticisms. Don't diss my taste in music. Don't diss my sister. Don't diss the subjects I study at school or the blog I write on. I always wanted to arrive at the school ball in a big black hummer, and I don't need you to tell me that it's tacky. If I say you look nice, say 'thank you' not 'I don't like flattery'. If you diss the stuff I like and want, and call it tasteless to my face, you're telling me that I'm tasteless. And if that's your opinion, fine, maybe I am. But I'm not a desperate pre-teen anymore. There's a difference between tactless and fearless.
I'm not saying this to say that I am perfect, or that I expect teenage boys to conform exactly to a teenage girl's expectations, or that the things that I have listed above aren't forgivable or changeable. I'm just saying that before now, I would have swooned blindly. But now I have the wisdom to step back and realize that I'm allowed to be annoyed, peeved, pissed off, and that I don't have to fall blindly for every guy I know.
blogging. i haz it.
As far as I am aware, I am the most active blogger in Perth Mod.
Please correct me if I am wrong.
When I first started blogging, I didn't know anybody else who did blog. When I got to high school a few blogs popped up every now and again, but nothing was really regular or permanent.
Blogging is a commitment. I don't have a regular schedule, but I have posted 761 posts for the 1230 days I have been a blogger.
A lot of effort goes into a blog post. It has to be coherent, and at least vaguely interesting. I don't do a lot of proper referencing - mostly because a lot of my stuff is opinion pieces - but there is lots of research going on behind the scenes, believe it or not. Poems can take five seconds or five days to write and I'm constantly going back to edit stuff. I get really scratchy about privacy, but at the same time there is nearly always somebody specific I'm talking to/about, especially in my poems, and I try to make that as obvious as I can. Even when I'm not blogging I'm always on the lookout for something interesting to write about, and I'm always drafting something in my mind. It's a full time job. You really need stamina to keep a blog going.
Blogging is gutsy. It's real gut spilling stuff - but for me, that's not hard. I've always been that girl who wears her heart on her sleeve; for better or for worse. I'm the kind of person who has to get it out - talk, whinge, cry, rant - to heal.
There have been some points where I've slacked off and seriously considered putting my blog on an indefinite hiatus. But I could never do it. I'm the kind of person who always has something to say. I need a creative outlet - a place where things can be published in an unrefined, raw state. If I ever become a writer I know that the books that hit the shelves will have been polished and scrutinized and pulled apart, and whilst this is all good and fine sometimes you just need to write an unedited stream of consciousness, and you need to have that kind of satisfaction that somebody is reading it.
But writing brings incredible satisfaction. Whether it's getting 100 on an English essay or just seeing a nice comment pop up on my blog, it's the best high ever.
I am so glad that I am a writer.
Please correct me if I am wrong.
When I first started blogging, I didn't know anybody else who did blog. When I got to high school a few blogs popped up every now and again, but nothing was really regular or permanent.
Blogging is a commitment. I don't have a regular schedule, but I have posted 761 posts for the 1230 days I have been a blogger.
A lot of effort goes into a blog post. It has to be coherent, and at least vaguely interesting. I don't do a lot of proper referencing - mostly because a lot of my stuff is opinion pieces - but there is lots of research going on behind the scenes, believe it or not. Poems can take five seconds or five days to write and I'm constantly going back to edit stuff. I get really scratchy about privacy, but at the same time there is nearly always somebody specific I'm talking to/about, especially in my poems, and I try to make that as obvious as I can. Even when I'm not blogging I'm always on the lookout for something interesting to write about, and I'm always drafting something in my mind. It's a full time job. You really need stamina to keep a blog going.
Blogging is gutsy. It's real gut spilling stuff - but for me, that's not hard. I've always been that girl who wears her heart on her sleeve; for better or for worse. I'm the kind of person who has to get it out - talk, whinge, cry, rant - to heal.
There have been some points where I've slacked off and seriously considered putting my blog on an indefinite hiatus. But I could never do it. I'm the kind of person who always has something to say. I need a creative outlet - a place where things can be published in an unrefined, raw state. If I ever become a writer I know that the books that hit the shelves will have been polished and scrutinized and pulled apart, and whilst this is all good and fine sometimes you just need to write an unedited stream of consciousness, and you need to have that kind of satisfaction that somebody is reading it.
But writing brings incredible satisfaction. Whether it's getting 100 on an English essay or just seeing a nice comment pop up on my blog, it's the best high ever.
I am so glad that I am a writer.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
wuthering heights.
you said i killed you.
haunt me then.
take any form
drive me mad
but don't leave me here:
in this abyss where i cannot find you.
it seems to me
that
only in
paperandink
are we
allowed to be
human.
violence
passion
aggression
love
what i feel
is all but illegal now
i am cathy
trapped in the next life
heathcliff
make your sacrifice
it is so lonely on the other side.
i cannot fight darkness
or bad dreams in the night.
i need your fearlessness
i'm getting greedy
but your hate
and my jealousy
somehow
collide
to light up the
wuthering
stormy
starry night.
heathcliff
i know you'll find me.
heathcliff
come to me,
come to me.
i know you will wander the moors
and the world
until the end of time
searching
heathcliff
come to me,
come to me,
master.
they all belong
in a world
of manners
and comforts.
but it cripples me.
you were wise
to run away...
now i am gone
but not free.
i wrote it over and over
cathy heathcliff,
cathy heathcliff,
cathy heathcliff.
but i lie
in the cold, cold ground
a stranger.
mrs linton.
i was a fool
to choose edgar
he cannot give me
anything real
dark
sordid.
why did i waste my life
chasing perfection?
i'll while away eternity
out on the
wileywindymoors
with you.
heathcliff
you understand me
you get
under my skin
i need to
possess you
i hate you,
i love you.
not as a pleasure
but as my own being!
leave edgar alone, heathcliff
let young cathy be.
let hareton go and
come to me.
i'm waiting
transcending
fading, falling.
my cage is gilded
and it crumbles
as you rattle my bars.
heathcliff, it's me,
cathy,
i've come home again.
i'm so cold,
let me in your window.
Inspired by Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte, the 2009 TV adaptation of Wuthering Heights starring Tom Hardy and Charlotte Riley and Wuthering Heights by Kate Bush.
haunt me then.
take any form
drive me mad
but don't leave me here:
in this abyss where i cannot find you.
it seems to me
that
only in
paperandink
are we
allowed to be
human.
violence
passion
aggression
love
what i feel
is all but illegal now
i am cathy
trapped in the next life
heathcliff
make your sacrifice
it is so lonely on the other side.
i cannot fight darkness
or bad dreams in the night.
i need your fearlessness
i'm getting greedy
but your hate
and my jealousy
somehow
collide
to light up the
wuthering
stormy
starry night.
heathcliff
i know you'll find me.
heathcliff
come to me,
come to me.
i know you will wander the moors
and the world
until the end of time
searching
heathcliff
come to me,
come to me,
master.
they all belong
in a world
of manners
and comforts.
but it cripples me.
you were wise
to run away...
now i am gone
but not free.
i wrote it over and over
cathy heathcliff,
cathy heathcliff,
cathy heathcliff.
but i lie
in the cold, cold ground
a stranger.
mrs linton.
i was a fool
to choose edgar
he cannot give me
anything real
dark
sordid.
why did i waste my life
chasing perfection?
i'll while away eternity
out on the
wileywindymoors
with you.
heathcliff
you understand me
you get
under my skin
i need to
possess you
i hate you,
i love you.
not as a pleasure
but as my own being!
leave edgar alone, heathcliff
let young cathy be.
let hareton go and
come to me.
i'm waiting
transcending
fading, falling.
my cage is gilded
and it crumbles
as you rattle my bars.
heathcliff, it's me,
cathy,
i've come home again.
i'm so cold,
let me in your window.
Inspired by Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte, the 2009 TV adaptation of Wuthering Heights starring Tom Hardy and Charlotte Riley and Wuthering Heights by Kate Bush.
Ball advice.
The ball last night was a blast! I had so much fun. It was so fun to see everyone all dressed up. Everyone really put the effort in and looked spectacular. It really was the night of nights.
As I said, there aren't very good resources to help you get through ball and ball prep. So here is my advice:
Prep:
- Try and start organizing ball during the holidays. Give yourself at least a month. My friends and I started preparing for the ball a good month and a half before the actual date, which gave us loads of time to book the limo, organize everything, even for our group to have a massive catfight and then reconcile. Anything can happen. Give yourself time.
- The key to organizing is to be completely democratic about the whole process. We had 16 people or so in our ball group, and everyone had to know absolutely everything, and have the opportunity to voice their opinion. We only ran into trouble when we tried to cut corners and people missed out on information, which caused a lot of confusion and misunderstandings. Facebook is a great tool for this, especially during the holidays when you can't always see your friends in person.
- I would let my hair grow out for as long as possible - I haven't had a haircut for a year and a half now - because longer hair is more versatile for balls. If you care for it properly, split ends and such won't be obvious.
- We booked a 16-seat black stretch hummer from Cosmic Limousines, after searching through what felt like the entire world wide web for a good deal. Unless everyone is going to the same afters, or everyone is going home after the ball, it is advisable only to have the limo one way - nobody really sees or cares about limos after the ball. We managed to get our limo for $960 for two hours, one way, which was $60pp with 16 people. There are other transport options as well - tram, bus, limocoach. Expect to pay a minimum of $60pp one way and $80pp two way for a 16-seater limo. Book early or all the good deals are taken.
Appointments:
- I went to school as normal at 8:50am and left at 12:00 noon - just after recess. I actually don't think there's much point going to school on ball day - there are only a few boys and nobody really does anything. At any rate, you should definitely leave at or before lunchtime to get ready.
- Book your appointments early. I honestly don't think it's worth getting your nails done - if they are neat and long you can leave them as it is - in the dark it's hard to tell the difference between a french mani and just well groomed nails - or paint them yourself, which is what I did. You can get your hair done professionally or do it yourself, but do it before makeup. My only appointment was to book Kasey from Klassique Makeup, who did a wonderful job.
- I would recommend getting a makeup artist to come to your house rather than go to a salon - it's normally cheaper and is much more convenient. I didn't really know what to do for my makeup, but that's okay - a good makeup artist will look at your dress and your natural features and figure out what to do.
- When booking a makeup artist or a hairdresser, make sure they know your ethnicity and have experience working with people of your ethnicity. It might sound racist, but you really need to work with someone who knows and understands your features and hair type.
- If you want to spray tan, dye your hair, or tint your eyelashes/eyebrows, I would do it at least a week before the ball so you have time to fix any disasters and for everything to settle and look natural. If you've never done anything like this before, now is not really the time to go DIY.
- I paid $50 for Kasey from Klassique Makeup to come over and do my makeup. I wouldn't pay more than $60 for ball makeup; there's no real difference between someone who charges $50 and someone who charges $80. Some places offer discounts for big groups, and if you go really, really, really far out (like, salons further than Joondalup) I have seen prices drop to $30.
Dress:
- I had my dress custom made in Shanghai a few years back. I made my own design from pictures off the internet, and it was creamy white thai silk, strapless, with sparkly silver embellishment and silvery-grey embroidery with a sakura motif. It is the most beautiful thing I have ever worn.
- I would recommend buying your dress overseas or at least interstate if you can for more choice and to reduce the chance of looking like everyone else. This may mean thinking ahead - I went to China several years ago, but with a bit of clever designing I managed to make a dress for last night. Spending more than $400 is absurd (I spent about $150-$200 on my dress). Buying online is a good idea if you're the type of person who looks good in lots of different cuts and styles - I don't.
- Invest in the right underwear to avoid a dress disaster. Because my dress was handmade it didn't have the structure and boning of a store-bought dress, but that was easily fixed with a bustier that I wore underneath - which also kept me covered when my dress began to slip around a bit. The best time to buy stuff like this are Boxing Day sales or just after the previous year's ball season - normally around March. Because ball season normally coincides with Valentine's Day, prices are absurd January/February.
- You have to stand out somehow. I bought a beautiful handmade silver, pearl and crystal tiara that matched the floral design of the embroidery on my dress. Nobody else had anything like it and I felt like a princess ;). Think outside the box.
- Make sure your clutch is big enough to fit some basic essentials - double sided tape, phone, lipstick, blotting paper or powder, a few painkillers and some emergency FHP.
- Don't worry too much about shoes. I bought a pair of pretty generic silver strappy heels on sale, and nobody really notices under long dresses. You kick them off to dance anyway.
- Boys should wear tuxes or smart suits. If you have a date, colours shouldn't clash (wearing neutral colours like black and white is better) and the tie should either be black or match your date's dress.
- Traditionally, the boy buys the corsage and the buttonhole, which should match. My super sweet date bought me a beautiful corsage but it didn't really hold up to my TEH SEX dancing in the middle of the dance floor. I would actually look into silk flowers, especially if your ball is on a hot day - mine wasn't, luckily, so it looked okay for photos.
The actual ball:
- I would eat before ball and not eat too much at the ball - I didn't do this, but I wasn't really hungry anyway. The food at my ball was pretty meh and you can't really dance on a full stomach anyway. Plus, I spilled stuff on my dress.
- Kick off your shoes before you dance. The wideness of a ballgown skirt should prevent too many people stepping on your feet
- Dance with everyone! Don't be afraid of having a good time, even if you have a date.
- Don't worry if your hair collapses, or you spill something on your dress, or your nail polish chips or your makeup smudges. Soon the lights dim and the music starts and nobody cares.
Afters:
- I personally didn't go to afters. When the night first started I thought it might have been cool to go to afters, even though I didn't have anything planned. But as the night progressed and I got more and more tired the prospect of going to yet another party was as appealing as being eaten by a lion. I was so tired I got really nauseous on the way home, and even though I didn't touch any booze I still managed to feel quite ill for a little while.
- Make sure you wash off your makeup really well before you hit the sheets. A little bicarb soda mixed with cleanser will deeply cleanse your face with minimal effort.
- Get your hair squeaky clean by mixing a teaspoon of bicarb soda with your shampoo - it strips away product residue. It also helps you go longer between washes, even if you have greasy hair. Because it gets rid of product buildup, it makes your hair soft and silky and shhhh....but this is my secret to my super straight hair.
In the end, the ball won't go entirely your way. But it's a coming-of-age ritual, so enjoy it. I didn't get any perky lips under the chandelier (I don't even think there was a chandelier) and I wasn't Belle of the Ball, but you don't need that if you're determined to have a good time.
As I said, there aren't very good resources to help you get through ball and ball prep. So here is my advice:
Prep:
- Try and start organizing ball during the holidays. Give yourself at least a month. My friends and I started preparing for the ball a good month and a half before the actual date, which gave us loads of time to book the limo, organize everything, even for our group to have a massive catfight and then reconcile. Anything can happen. Give yourself time.
- The key to organizing is to be completely democratic about the whole process. We had 16 people or so in our ball group, and everyone had to know absolutely everything, and have the opportunity to voice their opinion. We only ran into trouble when we tried to cut corners and people missed out on information, which caused a lot of confusion and misunderstandings. Facebook is a great tool for this, especially during the holidays when you can't always see your friends in person.
- I would let my hair grow out for as long as possible - I haven't had a haircut for a year and a half now - because longer hair is more versatile for balls. If you care for it properly, split ends and such won't be obvious.
- We booked a 16-seat black stretch hummer from Cosmic Limousines, after searching through what felt like the entire world wide web for a good deal. Unless everyone is going to the same afters, or everyone is going home after the ball, it is advisable only to have the limo one way - nobody really sees or cares about limos after the ball. We managed to get our limo for $960 for two hours, one way, which was $60pp with 16 people. There are other transport options as well - tram, bus, limocoach. Expect to pay a minimum of $60pp one way and $80pp two way for a 16-seater limo. Book early or all the good deals are taken.
Appointments:
- I went to school as normal at 8:50am and left at 12:00 noon - just after recess. I actually don't think there's much point going to school on ball day - there are only a few boys and nobody really does anything. At any rate, you should definitely leave at or before lunchtime to get ready.
- Book your appointments early. I honestly don't think it's worth getting your nails done - if they are neat and long you can leave them as it is - in the dark it's hard to tell the difference between a french mani and just well groomed nails - or paint them yourself, which is what I did. You can get your hair done professionally or do it yourself, but do it before makeup. My only appointment was to book Kasey from Klassique Makeup, who did a wonderful job.
- I would recommend getting a makeup artist to come to your house rather than go to a salon - it's normally cheaper and is much more convenient. I didn't really know what to do for my makeup, but that's okay - a good makeup artist will look at your dress and your natural features and figure out what to do.
- When booking a makeup artist or a hairdresser, make sure they know your ethnicity and have experience working with people of your ethnicity. It might sound racist, but you really need to work with someone who knows and understands your features and hair type.
- If you want to spray tan, dye your hair, or tint your eyelashes/eyebrows, I would do it at least a week before the ball so you have time to fix any disasters and for everything to settle and look natural. If you've never done anything like this before, now is not really the time to go DIY.
- I paid $50 for Kasey from Klassique Makeup to come over and do my makeup. I wouldn't pay more than $60 for ball makeup; there's no real difference between someone who charges $50 and someone who charges $80. Some places offer discounts for big groups, and if you go really, really, really far out (like, salons further than Joondalup) I have seen prices drop to $30.
Dress:
- I had my dress custom made in Shanghai a few years back. I made my own design from pictures off the internet, and it was creamy white thai silk, strapless, with sparkly silver embellishment and silvery-grey embroidery with a sakura motif. It is the most beautiful thing I have ever worn.
- I would recommend buying your dress overseas or at least interstate if you can for more choice and to reduce the chance of looking like everyone else. This may mean thinking ahead - I went to China several years ago, but with a bit of clever designing I managed to make a dress for last night. Spending more than $400 is absurd (I spent about $150-$200 on my dress). Buying online is a good idea if you're the type of person who looks good in lots of different cuts and styles - I don't.
- Invest in the right underwear to avoid a dress disaster. Because my dress was handmade it didn't have the structure and boning of a store-bought dress, but that was easily fixed with a bustier that I wore underneath - which also kept me covered when my dress began to slip around a bit. The best time to buy stuff like this are Boxing Day sales or just after the previous year's ball season - normally around March. Because ball season normally coincides with Valentine's Day, prices are absurd January/February.
- You have to stand out somehow. I bought a beautiful handmade silver, pearl and crystal tiara that matched the floral design of the embroidery on my dress. Nobody else had anything like it and I felt like a princess ;). Think outside the box.
- Make sure your clutch is big enough to fit some basic essentials - double sided tape, phone, lipstick, blotting paper or powder, a few painkillers and some emergency FHP.
- Don't worry too much about shoes. I bought a pair of pretty generic silver strappy heels on sale, and nobody really notices under long dresses. You kick them off to dance anyway.
- Boys should wear tuxes or smart suits. If you have a date, colours shouldn't clash (wearing neutral colours like black and white is better) and the tie should either be black or match your date's dress.
- Traditionally, the boy buys the corsage and the buttonhole, which should match. My super sweet date bought me a beautiful corsage but it didn't really hold up to my TEH SEX dancing in the middle of the dance floor. I would actually look into silk flowers, especially if your ball is on a hot day - mine wasn't, luckily, so it looked okay for photos.
The actual ball:
- I would eat before ball and not eat too much at the ball - I didn't do this, but I wasn't really hungry anyway. The food at my ball was pretty meh and you can't really dance on a full stomach anyway. Plus, I spilled stuff on my dress.
- Kick off your shoes before you dance. The wideness of a ballgown skirt should prevent too many people stepping on your feet
- Dance with everyone! Don't be afraid of having a good time, even if you have a date.
- Don't worry if your hair collapses, or you spill something on your dress, or your nail polish chips or your makeup smudges. Soon the lights dim and the music starts and nobody cares.
Afters:
- I personally didn't go to afters. When the night first started I thought it might have been cool to go to afters, even though I didn't have anything planned. But as the night progressed and I got more and more tired the prospect of going to yet another party was as appealing as being eaten by a lion. I was so tired I got really nauseous on the way home, and even though I didn't touch any booze I still managed to feel quite ill for a little while.
- Make sure you wash off your makeup really well before you hit the sheets. A little bicarb soda mixed with cleanser will deeply cleanse your face with minimal effort.
- Get your hair squeaky clean by mixing a teaspoon of bicarb soda with your shampoo - it strips away product residue. It also helps you go longer between washes, even if you have greasy hair. Because it gets rid of product buildup, it makes your hair soft and silky and shhhh....but this is my secret to my super straight hair.
In the end, the ball won't go entirely your way. But it's a coming-of-age ritual, so enjoy it. I didn't get any perky lips under the chandelier (I don't even think there was a chandelier) and I wasn't Belle of the Ball, but you don't need that if you're determined to have a good time.
don't call me a feminazi.
You do not know me. You don't know a thing about who I am or what I go through; the people I meet or what they do to me. You cannot judge what you do not know.
Don't you dare patronize me, with your stupid little dictionary meaning and all that shit. What am I, five years old? Your comment, which I have chosen not to publish, was discrimatory, wildly accusatory, sexist, judgemental and completely incorrect. You have chosen to attack me, not only as a feminist, but as a woman and as a person - and this cannot be tolerated in this day and age.
I am a feminist, and proud of it. I aim to see equality between the sexes, and a recognition and respect for the vital differences between the sexes.
A world ruled by women just would not work. It is not the aim of feminism; it is the aim of gynocentrism, which is perhaps what you refer to by way of 'feminazi'. We have our strengths, but we have our own faults, our own weaknesses, and these are balanced perfectly by the strengths and weaknesses of men.
I lost weight because I was nearly overweight. I lost weight because none of my clothes fit me anymore and it was really taking its toll on my self esteem. I lost weight because I wanted to be healthy, and I was tired of being slow and sleepy and sick all the time. I lost weight because I have a serious heart condition and I need to keep in shape just to survive. I lost weight because I wanted to look good and feel good. I lost weight for myself. Don't you dare accuse me of objectifying myself for losing five freaking kilos. I never said I wanted to be supermodel thin. Yeah, I look better now, but anyone would if they lost their jelly belly. And I'm damn proud of looking good, and nobody should criticise me for that. Why on earth would I want to look tubby? I'm sixteen! I just had my own goals for my own means and don't you dare think I'm doing this for anyone else, to win back some boy or to get ten thousand boyfriends. Weight is irrelevant to my relationship with other people, with men. If someone is going to ignore me at 57kg and then ask me out at 53kg, well then take a hike, Mike.
I do what I want, as a woman and as a feminist. Lipstick feminism subscribes to the theory that women are empowered when they take pride in their appearance and sexuality, and I wholeheartedly agree with that. Just because I'm a feminist doesn't mean I have to look like a frump, or a man, or pretend that I don't give a damn what I look like. Stiletto feminism dictates that there is no philosophical contradiction between being a feminist and being a woman, who is biologically evolved to be sexually attractive to men, just as men have biologically evolved to be sexually attractive to women. Atheist feminism sees the misogyny in society as a direct result of misogynistic religions, which dictate protocols and societal expectations of women based on fear and disgust of female sexuality. Why is it that men can walk around in nothing buy a pair of cutoffs and thongs and if I have even the slightest inclination to not look like a nun I am accused of being a slut, objectifying myself, etc, etc. I can wear what I want, and do what I want, and that has nothing to do with feminism. It's a basic fucking human right.
Of course I wanted to look good for the ball. It was the night of nights. Anyone would have wanted to look good for the ball. Everyone looked beautiful last night, and I looked beautiful, too.
This is what I meant by battling ignorance. It is ignorance and intimidation that drives men to attack feminists like me, women like me. We have to put aside our differences, defeat our fear and unite under a common goal. It is the only way forward.
Don't you dare patronize me, with your stupid little dictionary meaning and all that shit. What am I, five years old? Your comment, which I have chosen not to publish, was discrimatory, wildly accusatory, sexist, judgemental and completely incorrect. You have chosen to attack me, not only as a feminist, but as a woman and as a person - and this cannot be tolerated in this day and age.
I am a feminist, and proud of it. I aim to see equality between the sexes, and a recognition and respect for the vital differences between the sexes.
A world ruled by women just would not work. It is not the aim of feminism; it is the aim of gynocentrism, which is perhaps what you refer to by way of 'feminazi'. We have our strengths, but we have our own faults, our own weaknesses, and these are balanced perfectly by the strengths and weaknesses of men.
I lost weight because I was nearly overweight. I lost weight because none of my clothes fit me anymore and it was really taking its toll on my self esteem. I lost weight because I wanted to be healthy, and I was tired of being slow and sleepy and sick all the time. I lost weight because I have a serious heart condition and I need to keep in shape just to survive. I lost weight because I wanted to look good and feel good. I lost weight for myself. Don't you dare accuse me of objectifying myself for losing five freaking kilos. I never said I wanted to be supermodel thin. Yeah, I look better now, but anyone would if they lost their jelly belly. And I'm damn proud of looking good, and nobody should criticise me for that. Why on earth would I want to look tubby? I'm sixteen! I just had my own goals for my own means and don't you dare think I'm doing this for anyone else, to win back some boy or to get ten thousand boyfriends. Weight is irrelevant to my relationship with other people, with men. If someone is going to ignore me at 57kg and then ask me out at 53kg, well then take a hike, Mike.
I do what I want, as a woman and as a feminist. Lipstick feminism subscribes to the theory that women are empowered when they take pride in their appearance and sexuality, and I wholeheartedly agree with that. Just because I'm a feminist doesn't mean I have to look like a frump, or a man, or pretend that I don't give a damn what I look like. Stiletto feminism dictates that there is no philosophical contradiction between being a feminist and being a woman, who is biologically evolved to be sexually attractive to men, just as men have biologically evolved to be sexually attractive to women. Atheist feminism sees the misogyny in society as a direct result of misogynistic religions, which dictate protocols and societal expectations of women based on fear and disgust of female sexuality. Why is it that men can walk around in nothing buy a pair of cutoffs and thongs and if I have even the slightest inclination to not look like a nun I am accused of being a slut, objectifying myself, etc, etc. I can wear what I want, and do what I want, and that has nothing to do with feminism. It's a basic fucking human right.
Of course I wanted to look good for the ball. It was the night of nights. Anyone would have wanted to look good for the ball. Everyone looked beautiful last night, and I looked beautiful, too.
This is what I meant by battling ignorance. It is ignorance and intimidation that drives men to attack feminists like me, women like me. We have to put aside our differences, defeat our fear and unite under a common goal. It is the only way forward.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
i'm 5'3" and intimidating. how sad.
Every day in form there are one or two boys who pick on me incessantly because I am a feminist, as if a couple of sexist jokes will somehow convert me. It's nothing serious and nobody really means anything but it is a very good example of how men are intimidated by feminists.
I don't look like a feminist. I wear makeup and do my hair. I roll my shorts up and my skirts don't go to mid-calf. I'm not always buried in books and I don't give men death glares if they try to talk to me. I'm 5'3", an incurable flirt and a relatively normal person. They just can't take it. I don't fit their brain's prototype of an angsty, aggressive, frumpy feminist.
Which makes me, as a feminist, more intimidating. What do I want? What am I after? How would my desires for the relationship between the genders impact men in this day and age?
Men are afraid of women. It is psychologically imbued into the male brain to be afraid of women. They are scared of how our bodies develop, how we grow and bear children; they do not understand female psychology or female strengths and weaknesses because they are so wildly different to a man's, and this ignorance scares them. Historically, men have not been content with being physically stronger than women and have attempted to claim the political, religious and intellectual spheres of life; but in these, ladies, we are equal, and always will be despite men's best attempts to make it otherwise. Women represent something men have no control over, and as women become more politically and socially powerful we become all the more intimidating. This reflects into many things; social, emotional, mental and psychosexual problems in men; an indifference, fear, or hatred towards women, abuse or violence by men against women or what I am experiencing; a rather weak attempt to put me down, with strong undercurrents of hostility and fear of intimidation running underneath.
Ignorance feeds fear. Fear feeds violence. The battle for equality, my friends, has only just begun; and our first feud is not with men, or even with sexist men; it is with ignorance.
I don't look like a feminist. I wear makeup and do my hair. I roll my shorts up and my skirts don't go to mid-calf. I'm not always buried in books and I don't give men death glares if they try to talk to me. I'm 5'3", an incurable flirt and a relatively normal person. They just can't take it. I don't fit their brain's prototype of an angsty, aggressive, frumpy feminist.
Which makes me, as a feminist, more intimidating. What do I want? What am I after? How would my desires for the relationship between the genders impact men in this day and age?
Men are afraid of women. It is psychologically imbued into the male brain to be afraid of women. They are scared of how our bodies develop, how we grow and bear children; they do not understand female psychology or female strengths and weaknesses because they are so wildly different to a man's, and this ignorance scares them. Historically, men have not been content with being physically stronger than women and have attempted to claim the political, religious and intellectual spheres of life; but in these, ladies, we are equal, and always will be despite men's best attempts to make it otherwise. Women represent something men have no control over, and as women become more politically and socially powerful we become all the more intimidating. This reflects into many things; social, emotional, mental and psychosexual problems in men; an indifference, fear, or hatred towards women, abuse or violence by men against women or what I am experiencing; a rather weak attempt to put me down, with strong undercurrents of hostility and fear of intimidation running underneath.
Ignorance feeds fear. Fear feeds violence. The battle for equality, my friends, has only just begun; and our first feud is not with men, or even with sexist men; it is with ignorance.
You cannot bear to see me happy,
You'd rather see me fall.
You'd rather see me sad and lonely,
Defeated,
Conquered.
My smile
Cannot make you happy.
If I built you a house
Brick by boring brick
You'd tear it down
And demand a castle.
Because nothing's good enough,
Nothing's ever good enough.
If I ruled the world
You'd set it on fire
And tell me
That the stars
Are as of yet
Unconquered.
Because nothing's good enough,
Nothing's ever good enough.
You cannot bear to see me free
A butterfly cannot flutter unmolested
It must be pinned
And locked
On display.
You must learn that
You cannot control me.
I have grown too big for your
Display-cabinet.
My greatest misery in this world
Is that you cannot reconcile yourself with
What you have created.
You can only see what I cannot do.
My greatest triumphs in this world
Have been celebrated without you.
Because I am not good enough,
Never good enough.
Could you not see me
As a joy
Rather than a duty?
Why can't you take your own advice
And be content with your lot?
Everyone I know
Is afraid of you.
Everyone I know
Would not dare
To change you.
You could at least
Return the favour.
You lost your right to be my friend
When you laid claim to be my jailkeeper.
You lost your right to share in my joy
When you laid claim to cause me pain.
I'll stop pretending to love.
Because it's not good enough,
Nothing's ever good enough.
You'd rather see me fall.
You'd rather see me sad and lonely,
Defeated,
Conquered.
My smile
Cannot make you happy.
If I built you a house
Brick by boring brick
You'd tear it down
And demand a castle.
Because nothing's good enough,
Nothing's ever good enough.
If I ruled the world
You'd set it on fire
And tell me
That the stars
Are as of yet
Unconquered.
Because nothing's good enough,
Nothing's ever good enough.
You cannot bear to see me free
A butterfly cannot flutter unmolested
It must be pinned
And locked
On display.
You must learn that
You cannot control me.
I have grown too big for your
Display-cabinet.
My greatest misery in this world
Is that you cannot reconcile yourself with
What you have created.
You can only see what I cannot do.
My greatest triumphs in this world
Have been celebrated without you.
Because I am not good enough,
Never good enough.
Could you not see me
As a joy
Rather than a duty?
Why can't you take your own advice
And be content with your lot?
Everyone I know
Is afraid of you.
Everyone I know
Would not dare
To change you.
You could at least
Return the favour.
You lost your right to be my friend
When you laid claim to be my jailkeeper.
You lost your right to share in my joy
When you laid claim to cause me pain.
I'll stop pretending to love.
Because it's not good enough,
Nothing's ever good enough.
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