They've found my Achilles heel.
They've found the weak link in my
Armour.
Enemy friend
Friend enemy
You've blurred the lines.
You are the flaw in my shield,
The blunt edge of my sword;
Yet I love you still.
I love you still.

For Y.K with love,
From G.

Emergency

It was an emergency,
Why didn't you call an ambulance?
I was bleeding, dying,
Why did you leave my life to chance?

We were in a constant state
Of transcending life and death,
You can pretend all you want but it was
Code four
Out the door
You can't deny that

It was an emergency;
For Christ's sake,
You're useless.
We lived in an emergency,
I needed a paramedic,
You don't have to be psychic to
Feel my pain,
Why don't you ever
Use your brain?
You rubbed salt in my wounds,
Then you sugared the cut;
But now it's too late,
I can't be saved.

You could have made a mercy call,
Or at least a mercy killing.
But you don't show mercy at all,
You took a picture of me crying.

And I heard you gloat to your friends,
And I was horrorstruck
As I watched,
A helpless ghost.
And I'd say I'd
Never do it again, but
You left no room for second chances;
You poured the petrol,
Burned the evidence.

We lived in an emergency,
It was a mistake,
Heartbreak.
We lived in an emergency and I needed a lifeline,
Not the red wine,
You're nothing but a swine.
You watched and learned,
I crashed and burned;
And now it's too late,
I can't be saved.

We had an emergency
And now there's blood on your hands.
All I know is I met a boy,
But you didn't leave a man.
My heart's a hotel with too many
Vacancies
I've learned the lonely side of
'Let me be',
Corpses aren't any
Good for business.

I died in an emergency,
Didn't need no divine intervention,
You were the cause, the blame,
You could have been the prevention...

Inspired by 'Emergency' by Paramore

Firstly, I must apologise for some recent typos - my wireless keyboard is misbehaving. But I like to think my regular audience has sufficient intelligence to see past a couple of errors.

You know what is a constant source of frustration to me? The absolutely shit-arse state of gay rights here in Australia. We're supposedly a free, democratic country - but what freedom? What democracy? Freedom and democracy only seem to apply to white, rich, conservative Christian men.

Okay, I'm not gay. So why should I be worried about this? I'm worried because I care. I care for the human rights being violated, I care about the civil liberties that are being snatched away because a couple of fucked up politicians who are the sick twisted puppets of bigoted conservative lobby groups can't see past trivial things like sexuality, gender and colour. I care, even if nobody else seems to. We are all people, all of us, man, woman, gay, straight. If you're Christian, as so many conservative assholes claim to be, then surely you'd know that we are all God's children. If you're not Christian, well, then use your common sense.

In a religious sense, marriage can be between man and donkey for all it matters - but I respect that some dominions may not be comfortable with, well, unusual marriages. And that's fine. Religion, as well as marriage, is supposed to be a volunteer thing.

Allowing gay marriage isn't going to make the sky fall down. It isn't an abomination, it's a long-overdue basic right. If we allowed Tony freaking Abbott to get married, then gay marriage should be so in it should be almost cliche - because as far as I'm concerned, Tony Abbott is more of a freak of nature than anyone gay.  

Just because we allow gay marriage doesn't mean we all have to turn into horny homosexuals. Gay marriage has nothing to do with you, or me - it's about helping our brothers and sisters. Discriminating against sexuality makes just as much sense as discriminating against eye colour - it's natural, and unstoppable.

Stand up for what is right. You and me, together...we can prove that a band of thieves can rule the world.

That's just that.

I've often being asked about my views on religion. To tell you the truth, it's much more complicated then it seems.

I was raised not to believe in God. That was just that. Growing up, I believed in God in the same way I believed in fairytales - God was a fairytale. Real people, I was taught, couldn't just pray to imaginary friends to get by. Real people had to work, and so would I. I get the feeling that God is not something you believe in unless evidence of His work is actively pointed out to you until the point where you see it by yourself. I don't know whether I'm ignorant or they're delusional, but I've never seen it. I grew up in a very pragmatic world, a very skeptical, down to earth world. That was just that.

My parents identify as non-religious Buddhists, and, up to a point, so did I - in the same way all children identify with their parents in all things they don't understand. As I grew older I realized I didn't have the inner peace needed to be a Buddhist, that deep sense of ingrained tranquility. I grew up to be too impatient, too ambitious and too angry to be a Buddhist. It was from then, at about eleven or twelve years old, I began identifying as an atheist.

A major factor in my religious choices stem from my operations, my health problems, etc. I wasn't content, saying that it was part of God's plan - what kind of God did that? I wasn't content, either, justifying it with karma - what kind of bad karma does a baby attract? Blaming someone or something for everything that has ever happened to me made me angry, almost violent with anger - and that was hardly a good thing. I had to swallow it, and move on. There was no point blaming things and people for events that are irreparable, unerasable, inevitable, especially things and people I couldn't see and therefore could not even face the blame. Shit happens because shit happens. And that was that, from then on.

But I would feel quite vulnerable if I didn't believe there wasn't some kind of fate, some kind of safety net between me and the unthinkable. I believe there is a vague kind of fate - I do kind of believe in kismet. But I also believe that it's not a path we're automatically set on - it's something we have to fight for, every day. It's something I fight for. So, as much as I believe that some things are meant to be, I also think you were meant to work for it. I was not born into a world where cherries just fall into my lap.

They say that science is the opposite of religion - but I don't really sympathize with science, either. There are somethings that science and mathematics can't explain - I do believe in miracles, and miracles are miracles because they are simply unexplainable. Love is a miracle, and I'm waiting for it to happen. No amount of equations are going to detract from the fact that boy plus girl doesn't always work. But don't take out the middleman, as it were. I've long given up trying to bring salvation ;). 

I think religion is primarily a nurture over nature thing - my best friend is on the other side of the spectrum. She was raised a Baptist, and is a creationist. I'm often astounded that I've been able to construct a tangible friendship with a creationist, but I've learned to be more tolerant of what other people think. People are never tolerant about what I think, even if trying to convert me to whatever they think is nonsensical - a boy once tried to convert me to agnoticism. My best friend and I often have a lot of religious debates, but I like to think that friendship is above religion, in its many forms. We've agreed to disagree, but I don't feel like either of us has lost, per se. In fact, I think religion has made our friendship stronger - we've remain two distinctly separate people, and we haven't given in to each other. That is important in any relationship, but only dissimilar people like us recognise it. If we were more similar we would give each other more leeway, become too heavily influenced by each other - and lose who we essentially are in something as fragile as friendship. They say opposites attract, and I say that happens for a reason. That's just that.

I still think I'm a spiritual person, despite my atheism. I still pray - I think it's a natural human response, to hope that someone, someone who just exudes security, like Gandalf or Dumbledore, or just your classic Prince Charming, to swing in and save day. But I've learned to live without someone or something watching over me. With vulnerability comes freedom. That's just that.

I Bruise Easily

I guess my soul is an

Inner black eye.

My heart’s got tear tracks from the

Last time I cried.

I never got the whole soft and strong thing,

What’s tough can sometimes fall.

I’ve learned how to free fall but there’s

No cushion under my tightrope.

Anyone close can

Love you or leave you.

Anyone close can

Heal you or hurt you.

I’ve tried to make

Some great leaps of faith

And I can match blow for blow.

But sometimes I wish this

Wasn’t a race

Or a sold-out circus show.

I’ve tried all the

Masks and I’ve

Wiped all my tears

But somehow you can’t

Always forget

Your eighth grade fears.

They’ve left out the ‘gentle’

Just left me with ‘men’.

I don’t like how it started

And I don’t know how this ends.

I wish upon shooting stars

And rainbows

And the sad glowing orb

Of Mother Moon.

Call me crazy,

Because I concur;

I am the proof that it

Doesn’t work.

Do I ever cross your mind?

Do you ever think about the maybes?

I think it’s just me but

Sometimes it’s nice thinking of

Impossibilities.

Its foreign territory;

When I say ‘I love’,

I’m sorry,

I know I’m at the bottom

Screaming up.

But one day when we’re on

Equal ground,

I’ll take your hand and

You’ll make a bow.

And you’ll try and remember

That I bruise easily.

And maybe you’ll try

Not to hurt me.

Until then I’ll

Read my storybooks,

And try to synthesise

What you can’t sympathise.

Are you human?

Are you a person?

Am I not worth it?

Are you so perfect?

I’ll fight with you or

Against you

There.

Now you know. 

That I bruise easily.

Inspired by 'I Bruise Easily' by Natasha Bedingfield

To R , Love G .

Years are long in lives as short as
Yours and mine.
If  I were to advertise
I'd say
I'm one of a kind.
But they charge by the line,
And I waited by the hour;
This isn't how I wanted it to be,
But it's To R,
Love G.

I've compared thee to a summer's day,
But you're winter's frost and
Autumn's gale;
Swept my love away.
I tried, but
I'm not the
Brand of
Perfect
That you want.
So aint this lovely?
It's To R,
Love G.

All these years you've made me happy;
When you smiled,
I smiled.
But nothing's quite so bad as being
That girl
Picked last
For the t-ball teams.
But now there are tears in my eyes,
Because I'd hoped we'd say "hello"
Before the goodbyes.

But I guess this just wasn't meant to be.
I write away my heart with
To R,
Love G.

The Snag in Democracy.

There is one snag in democracy: democratic governments are pressured into doing what is easy and what is popular, not what is right.

For example, an Australian government cannot introduce same-sex marriage, lower the voting age or allow more immigrants (or boat people, if you insist) into the country because, sadly, backwards racist sexist buttheads still vote in this country.

I have a big problem with Australian politics - it's all talk and no play. Sure, most of us aren't starving, but we don't do anything. We are nothing. It's so unbelievably frustrating. What is the point of having a first class cabin on a train that does not go anywhere?

Religion gets in the way too much, too. For a hugely irreligious and supposedly secular country, we are amazingly swayed by religion. Why do we leave it to our imaginary friends to decide who gets married or not? Gay marriage - have you ever actually asked God whether he's okay with it or not? In Australia, civil marriages have overtaken religious marriages. If you want to think of marriage as a holy, sacred, religious thing, fine. I'm not going to try and teach evolution to creationists. But marriage is also very much a legal thing. With marriage comes rights, responsibilities, priviledges - and who are we to deny that to anybody?

Since when has age been a measurement for wisdom? Here I sit, at home, politically nonexistant, ranting on a blog - I have no vote, no say, no weight. Minors here have no legal rights or representation - we are nothing, we are nonentities, we are vassals to The Grown Ups - much like wives lost all sense of identity when they married, in the not so long ago. I am nothing until I turn eighteen - what is so special about a number? I am fifteen, not particularly remarkable, but I still have a better grasp of politics than that bogan who votes.

I am so angry. I am frustrated because I am screaming in a soundproof cage. I can do nothing but throw rocks in a glass house. I sit and watch, infuriated, at one useless politician after another, at one pointless election after another.  I feel like that crazy scientist trying to bawl instructions at particularly useless robots.

I am dying for change - the time is ripe for revolution, but just as the time is right we have become apathetic, nonchalant, complacent. Australia is not so grand it cannot take a little change - change is healthy, even in nirvana, which Australia most certainly is not. I'm running out of steam, here - my life starts later, but the adrenaline has kicked in now. What is the point of talking of change when no change ever happens? Screw thos backwards assholes who can't see past sex and colour! Do you really need their votes?

The sad thing is, yes, you do need those votes. You can either be in power and useless or useless because you have no power. This, my friend, is the snag in democracy.

Etc.

I know there has been a lot of stuff going on lately, and I'm sorry I haven't been blogging or brain farting recently. To tell you the truth, I was just too damn lazy. Also, my Grenade post was clearly a huge hit, and I wanted to wait until all the media coverage died down before I released another comment-less fiasco.

It's the holidays at the moment, but I'm rather annoyed that we only get one full week of holidays - so basically we had two days of school on the last week of term (what do you do in a two-day last week? Seriously.), then next week we have to go back to school on Thursday. But anyway, this post wasn't to criticize the education department, but nonetheless YOU SUCK.

Yesterday, of course, was the royal wedding of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, as we now must call them. Personally, I think Prince Will and Princess Kate will stick better than D and D of C. Oh, and FYI, BBC, please check your facts before spewing them out on the international telecast. The Princess Lalla Salma is the princess consort of the King of Morocco, not a Princess of Thailand.

The wedding was considered very modern, in that it made the normal modern omissions in the vows - like the bride promising to 'obey' her husband. But I still don't like the giving away. Call me radical, but a bride is not a horse that is bought by the groom and sold by the father.

Other things making news is the Australian immigration policy and how the government has completely fucked things up. I know we're all racist butheads who can't stand blacks and Indians and Muslims getting into the country, but seriously, what do you expect from people who have been locked up indefinitely just because they want a better life? Of course they're going to riot. And Colin Barnett, don't kid yourself. You don't know anything about pain.

I don't applaud the riots in the Detention Centres, I disagree with the whole notion of mandatory detention for refugees in the first place. As I've said before, we are a wealthy country that needs the labour and societal contribution of foreigners, and yes, that includes refugees. And so what if they're a bit different from us - suck it up, you stupid white supremacists. We are no better than they are. We don't chose the lives we are born into, but we can change them. All these people want is a chance, not to be locked up like murderers. It's a bit rich that we, a flourishing democratic nation, should look down our noses to people who have lived the most wretched existance, and far from helping them, we accuse them of being criminals to this point, this breaking point where they have started behaving like criminals.

So there you are. It's like a wedding and a funeral.

Grenade: The Sequel to Innocent.

I tried to make a poem out of this song, but I couldn't. The lyrics were too good to be transformed, so here they are: tweaked, like I did to some other songs some months back. This reads kind of like a sequel to my version of Innocent.

Easy come, easy go
That's just how you live, oh
Take, take, take it all
But you never give.
Should've known you was trouble
What did I miss?
You passed me over,
Why did you pass me over?

I gave you all I had
And you tossed it in the trash,
You tossed in the trash,
You did.
I never asked for much,
Your love would've been enough,
'Cause what you don't understand is

I'd catch a grenade for you,
Throw my head on a blade for you,
I'd jump in front of a train for you,
You know I'd do anything for you,

And I went through all this pain,
You put a bullet straight through my brain,
But I still would've died for you baby,
And you wouldn't do the same.

Black, black,
Black and blue,
Beat me till I'm numb,
Tell the Devil I said 'hey'
When you go back to where you're from.
Mad man,
Bad man,
That's all you ever were, yeah
You'll smile to my face,
Then massacre my heart.

I gave you all I had
And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash,
You did.
I didn't ask for much,
All your love would've been enough,
'Cause what you don't understand is

I'd catch a grenade for you,
Throw my head on a blade for you,
I'd jump in front of a train for you,
You know I'd do anything for you,

And I went through all this pain,
You put a bullet straight through my brain,
But I still would've died for you baby,
And you wouldn't do the same.

You set me on fire,
And you watched me burn down in flames,
You said you loved me,
You're a liar
Because you never, ever did.

But darling, I caught a grenade for you,
Threw my head on a blade for you,
I jumped in front of a train for you,
You knew I did everything for you,

And I went through all this pain,
You put a bullet straight through my brain,
But I still would die for you baby,
And I know you'd never do the same.

Ching Chong Ling Long Ting Tong

Dude this girl has got a problem.

Why is it that are conditions for Asians who want to go to UCLA and not white people? You know, about a million things about this chick could offend a whole variety of people accross the world. A million things about anyone could offend anyone. Which is why we are all equal. Equally bad. 

Okay, I get it. Some Asians are annoying. Some Asians don't know how to function without their old Chinese grandmas. Some Asians do have a billion relatives they have to keep track of (I know I do). But whatever. Alexandra Wallace just offended one of the most ancient and grandest cultures in the world.

Not a smart move, that.

I've made no secret of my dislike of some members of the Asian community, but I don't brand the whole community. I am a proud person of Asian descent, and I know some great people who are Asian like I am. And you know what? Someone isn't good or bad because of colour. Whether someone is a royal pain the ass or an angel is irrelevant to race, religion or gender. I had a couple of white boyfriends who smashed my heart into pathetic little pieces, but I didn't go on a rant about how all white people are horrible and unhuman and should all be shot. In short, my problem with...well, people, is not because they adhere to their own culture and customs, but because some of them don't follow, you know, common sense and international laws.

But what angered me the most is the horrible mockery of whatever she was trying to mock. All my life people have been going up to me saying 'Look! I'm speaking Chinese/Korean! Ching chong, ching ching chong! Bok, bok bok choy!'

I don't even speak Chinese, and I could kick their ass in any English assignment. What makes football obsessions and an unhealthy addiction to hotdogs any better than me? - yeah, you heard me, C. So their insults are kind of moot, but still hurtful.

It is a human weakness to be scared of what you don't understand. It is a human weakness to want people to be the same. But you know what? PMS is a human weakness, too. And if I was paid a dollar every time I've been told to get over it, I'd be rich. So you know what? Get over it.

There are a lot of things I don't like about this place. There are a lot of things I don't like about a lot of the people I know. But I keep my mouth shut. You know why? Because I'm not perfect, and I know I annoy people too. And as unforgiving as people are to that, I still keep the outward facade that I'm understanding about the fact that people are human - although my mother does cop the worst of all my internalized rants. 

The world is a big place. You can't expect everybody to look the same, act the same, whatever. We're bound to have misunderstandings. But would you like it if I made fun of your language, if I picked out a couple of douchebags from your race and then totally ridiculed your entire ethnicity? No. So fuck off, Alexandra Wallace.