Time to Get Tough

Ever since officially launching my writing career a few months ago (okay, I've been writing for ages, but this is the real thing) I've cracked down on books. Sometimes the standard of literature in the English world is appaling.

I have now truncated my already picky reading list - mostly because I've decided that work that I could have done better is not worth reading and the only books that are actually worth my time are true, priceless, works of art.

Now most people would say - why? Just read any old crap - it fills in time, just like reading is supposed to.

Well, partly because I LOVE LOVE LOVE reading and I LOVE LOVE LOVE gushing about the latest book I've devoured. And that is kind of hard if the book you've just read is complete shitcake.

So, this is the lowdown on the books that have stood out in my life:

Please be warned that you may not like everything written below, and I invoke my right as a free Australian to have freedom of speech. So no hatemail, please. Wait, that's not fair. If you really must send hatemail, please send it to my email address, princess_geesu@hotmail.com under lady renegade sux!. Thankyou.

J.R.R TOLKEIN

I can't read Tolkein. I seriously can't. I think the ideas and storylines and setting and characters are great, but the actual books go right down the tube. 'Great Literature' is not 'Really good ideas completely wrecked by shitty writing'. End of story.

CHRISTOPHER PAOLINI

I really can't stand this guy. He's not that brilliant, really. All his books are almost completely copied directly from The Lord of The Rings. I mean, my writing is influenced quite a bit from Twilight, but at least it is THE BOY FROM GREEN EAVES and not TWILIGHT REMADE. THE LORD OF THE RINGS REMADE would be a much more appropriate title than 'Eragon'

STEPHENIE MEYER

Good points: This girl's got talent. Seriously. The prose, the dialogue, her style is brilliant, something no-one will ever be able to match up to. Incredibly complex but still easy and enjoyable to read. Heartbreakingly romantic but not gooey and barf-inducing. Only American author that really stands out to me.

Bad points: The character development is a little shoddy - especially Bella. She has virtually no personality once she is turned into a vampire - her main defining characteristics - stubborness, clumsiness - are all just human reactions to her shockingly beautiful boyfriend. And really, I know she's mentioned that she doesn't intend Bella's life to be a perfect role model for teenages, but, intentional or not, people will start to look up to Bella, good and bad. A girl's destiny should not be to hook up with some gorgeous vampire.

J.K ROWLING

I must admit, there is only one small bad thing that sours J.K Rowling's gloriously sweet Harry Potter series. It's children's literature adored by boys, girls, little children, pubescent adolescents and teenagers, and even adults. An absolute gem.

The only small bad point is that the ending is seriously bad. Unrealistic and cheesy. But that's it. The rest is all praise.

FRANCES HODGSON BURNETT

The Secret Garden: good idea but poorly written
A Little Princess: ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT

That's my little rant over. I can't wait for you guys to review my books...when they get published. If they ever do.