Unfair Fairness

I have never had to not work hard for anything in my life.

I always have to fight for what I want. It's rewarding. And very, very, annoying.

It didn't bother me that much until I met BSC.

BSC is really, really, awesome. But he just seems to have opportunities for everything, opportunities that I would kill for. And they just seem to be handed out to him, whilst I'm in the shadows, just passed by. He's the sun, stunning and golden and glorious, with heroic gods in his name, whilst I'm the moon, with a few stars for friends and an endless black sky of despair, compared with beautiful, sad, maidens who just seem to have all calamity thrown at them.

I don't blame him for being the sun. I blame myself for being the moon.

I don't mind working for what I want. But I just hate that people think I'm mentally challanged just because I'm Asian. Just bluffing when I say I want to be a writer, and that I'm actually good at it, just because my skin is yellow and theirs is white. Sick of being passed by for a chance at the spotlight, always being forced to slave away behind the scenes. Punished for lack of charisma. Cursed for flaws that aren't my fault. Tired of being at the bottom, and never quite making it to the top, no matter how hard I try. Fed up with other people taking the credit for what I've done.

I'm tired of being passed by because I'm ugly, weird, polemic, female, Asian, uncharismatic and unorthodoxly gifted. I'm tired of being penalized for being me.

Sometimes I just feel like giving up. Surrendering. Sometimes I just ask myself...

Why?