"I don't think that being a strong person is about ignoring your emotions and fighting your feelings. Putting on a brave face doesn't mean you're a brave person. That's why everybody in my life knows everything that I'm going through. I can't hide anything from them. People need to realise that being open isn't the same as being weak."

- Taylor Swift

Thursday, October 30, 2014

let it be known.

I will have 'I'm sorry' carved into my skin tonight
I hardly know if they are your words or mine

I won't follow you into the rabbit hole
I said I would, but then I saw your shriveled bones
They didn't want me to

But let it be known that it was not my promise to break
Let it be known it was not my oath to keep

Let it be known that my love endured
Until it consumed me.

I can't follow you into the rabbit hole
I said I would, but then I saw your hollow eyes
You didn't want me to

I will have 'Forgive me' carved into my skin tonight
And I know they are not your words, but mine.

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Yes, I think you're naive.
I see you, hulking
Towering over me

And all I see is a silly little boy.

I am crass, and rude, and loud
I know.

I sit with my legs spread and teeth bared

And I talk.

Don't look at me like that
When I laugh at my tears

What else can I do?

Do you think I don't know
That they're laughing at me?

The only thing I can do is laugh back
Bite back.

Yes, I know you think I'm naive.
I know you see me, small
A head and more shorter than you

And all you see is a silly little girl.

This is how I survive
This is what girls do

We grow up, quickly,
Faster than our bodies do

Because there are things out there
Things that go bump in the dark
Things that claw at my flesh
And pull my hair

And I must bare my teeth,
And smile.

Because you, my hulking, towering friend
You are too naive to fight for me.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Grandfather, I know
I know I am the blood of kings
I know I am ice and fire
I know I have a heart of stone
I know I have the strength of steel

But, Grandfather, you see
They have drained me dry
I don't feel your indomitable will
Coursing through my veins
The song of my pulse is fading

Grandfather, teach me how to breathe
Grandfather, teach me how to be


Monday, October 20, 2014

It is an insult to her, and to me
To think of her as a
Better, prettier, shinier model

As if we are computers for you to play with
And then leave on the curbside, spent.

What a fool I was to think that you were here for me
Because you loved me
Because there was something that wasn't fame or glory
That kept you at my side

When I was a rising star you clung to my coattails
And now you are her knotted bed sheets
You are my hanging rope

It was not a twist of fate that brought you here
She has a name.
Her name is me.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Shirt

Once I slept on a girl's sofa
When there was a boy with her in the other room

I had your shirt pressed against my cheek
It was almost like you were there

And in the morning you woke me up
Loud, rude, impatient as usual

And with phones buzzing and kettles singing
It was almost like you were there

Now I feel like I am back on that sofa
And she has another boy with her in the other room

But your shirt is on the floor, not in my arms
Because that boy is you

Don't wake me up in the morning
I don't want to be there


Saturday, October 18, 2014

Love

What use is a pat on the back
If it is done with a knife?

Take your hands off him
Because he's the only one that I have ever loved

If you must dispose of me
If the light in my eyes is too bright for you to bear

Please don't find her skin
When you turn the lights out 

At least have the decency to hang me from the trees
For everyone to see

I don't want to imagine words you spoke to her that night
Naked bodies look like porcelain 

Let me die with your blood stained, guilty hands 
Around my neck

You both knew I'd be bleeding inside. 

Inspired by Love by Daughter 

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Nemesis

No.
You cannot treat me like this.

You cannot treat me like a child now
When we were slaves to the beat
When your hands fumbled and found me
When my hips swayed and I tumbled into your arms

I was woman enough then.

No.
You cannot do this to me

We cannot be strangers now
Remember your place is sealed with a kiss
Remember you stand your ground because I stand at your side
Remember I can destroy you as easily as I raised you

I am Nemesis.
You do not toy with me.

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Q.

Indifference is not a language we know,
You and I
We care too much

Love is a language we no longer trust
Lust is our common tongue

But that smile
That sweet swell off affection
Such a strange, alien rush

It's a beautiful lilt to our little song

You are more forgiving than you know,
My vengeful little beast

You have felt too much, you bruise too easily
You have known pain you never show
You have known hurt that the world will never know

But I cannot unman you.
You have always been a boy to me.

I love the way your head absently rests against my shoulder
I love how quick you are to pick me up, carry me away from my sorrows

I love that you kiss back.

I love sitting next to you in your favourite shirt
I love our clothes strewn across your floor

I love that you kissed back.

I love that you were the first to hold me through the night
I love the way you hold me as if you would never let me go

I cannot carry you in my broken, ugly heart
I do not have the heart to gaol you here
But you are on my lips, my thighs, my hair

I love knowing that for us
This will always be enough

I love not loving you, my love.
Goodnight.



Sunday, October 05, 2014

Imminent.

I am afraid of the day that you die
I am afraid a part of me will die too

I am afraid I will forget
All those times you tried to kill me

I am afraid that your death will hurt me more than life ever could.

But I am more afraid that that day
Will slip by unnoticed

And the little girl who loved you
Will be worlds away

And the woman who loathed you
Will hate you even in memory

Is this what we have become?
Why have you wasted your days

Your beautiful, precious, chocolate-eyed days
Destroying me?

Think of me one last time
Try to think of me fondly

And I will try, too
For you.


Here.

Even in this heat I'll put another jacket on
Wrap the blanket a little closer 

So it feels like you are here

I can still smell you on me
And that's enough for me

It feels like you are here 

Pretend my flinches are your heartbeats 
Pretend my sobs are your sighs

Pretend my demons are your whispered goodbyes 

I put another jacket on
Yet it still grows colder 

But there's so much ice in your voice
That even in this blistering cold 

It feels like you are here