"I don't think that being a strong person is about ignoring your emotions and fighting your feelings. Putting on a brave face doesn't mean you're a brave person. That's why everybody in my life knows everything that I'm going through. I can't hide anything from them. People need to realise that being open isn't the same as being weak."
- Taylor Swift
Sunday, November 30, 2008
My talents. Sure, the statistics are all there - top 1% in writing and spelling, top 3% in reading, top 24% in math. Rock bottom in sport and art.
And the statistics are true, in a way. But not everyone has to believe them. I don't, for example.
My confidence in my writing has its highs and lows - there are some days when I think I can beat J.K Rowling in my sleep, there are other days when I doubt my writing so seriously I sink into a brief stage of depression. There are some people (my loyal friends - I love you all) who can gush about my wordplay skills for hours on end without pause; there are some that will say merely "That kid can write" or a "Do you seriously think she knows how bad she is?"
Despite the huge variation in the comments about my writing, my writing skill is the same - no worse, no better, albeit all the comments.
I have 'pretty days' and 'ugly days'. There are some days I feel like I could kick Jennifer Hawkins' butt right off the catwalk; there are some days when I feel as ugly as a little gremlin. My beauty is unique - and most of it is in the inside - so not everyone, sometimes not even me, can see it.
When I first saw BSC's girlfriend, Bethany (before they were going out), I thought she was a sweet girl, really nice, not the prettiest but definately NOT the ugliest.
Until I saw the way BSC looked at her! It was like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time - he STILL gushes about her beauty.
And now I can't see any of her flaws - I've been influenced so much by her boyfriends' comments that it's changed the way I see her. So not only is her beauty subjective, but other people's opinions are very influential.
When you're having a bad time, when you've done something bad, remember that not everyone thinks you are as bad as you think you are. But also remember that when you're on top of the world, not everyone is at the top with you.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Legally, I am twelve, almost thirteen. My reading age was fourteen when I was ten - who knows what it is now? Sixteen, perhaps more, or less? My size would indicate I'm a moderately tall twelve year old, or perhaps I could be a normal sized thirteen year old, or a very tall eleven year old.
But how old am I, truly and deeply?
Lately I've had this theory that, socially, I'm older than I really am. Twenty, or perhaps mid to late teens. I don't think I'm a tween - I never have been. Because everything I want now - a career, recognition, a life, a man - is really what a teenager, or a woman in her early twenties, would want. Not a twelve year old. Not yet. But yet I am still a child - and I think this dual age thing is what is causing all my problems. Why I'm the pariah, the outcast.
This has to be the only explaination why I have this desperate longing for a...a boyfriend sounds hokey, because I want more than that - a soulmate. Why I'm anxious to get books published, movies with my name credited, albums with my name proudly displayed on the cover. A career, and...not fame, acknowledgement.
Is it freaky that I could be a twenty-year-old in a child's body? No. Just because my desires and views are not childish whims - cravers for puppies or the latest computer games - but things that are deeper, bigger, like fear of mediocrity, the wish for a place in the world, it doesn't make me wiser, an antiquity - I'm just a girl with a timeless soul.
A timeless soul with a timeless heart and a timeless mind - that no-one seems to care about.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
I just feel like there's something wrong with me. I see all these girls complaining that their boyfriend is being a goon, or that they have so many admireres they feel like a celeb, and I just think, what are they complaining about?
I was the only person stupid enough to go out with...anyway, but the rest of them have really nice boyfriends. I know most of them. They're really nice. Sweet. Funny.
I'm as good as them, just in a different way. I'm not pretty, but I'm smart. I'm not athletic, but I'm academic. But no one sees me like that. I'm the weirdo, the kid they'll only go out with if the entire female population besides me were extinct.
It hurts every time I see an 'I LUV JESSICA' or 'ILY KATE'. It kills me every time I see my friends walking hand in hand with someone else. It's like my heart snaps in two, and I can feel it.
I just don't get it. What is wrong with me? Is it really so unforgivable that I'm not good at this, not good at that, not bad at what is cool to be bad? Is it really so inexcusable that I'm me, and not some blonde bombshell? Am I really that repulsive?
At school, I have a perfect poker face. My outside shell is a rebellious, I-don't-give-a-shit girl who hates boys and everything about them. On the inside, I'm still rebellious, but I just want to scream.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Here are a few:
http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=H1sHAX2F4PE - Lady Sovereign's Love Me Or Hate Me (she inspired my web name, by the way). I sing this when I'm feeling loud and rebellious. It's a very bold and fearless song.
http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=D7fv5dlozk8 - The Script's We Cry. It's indie rock, and it's got lots of soul
http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=auu56uA3bfg - Hayden Panettiere's cover of I Still Believe. I sing it on those very rare times that I feel hopeful about my very helpless love life. http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=hesJR4EuUWU is another video - less cheesy.
http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=8_IT2nkvtJY - VERY good for preparing exams - and thinking about crushes. The Tide is High, by Atomic Kitten.
http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=ei5GlDtSVBo - I sing this when I'm feeling down...which I have been a lot lately... Am I Not Pretty Enough? by Australian country singer, Kasey Chambers. This is to a really good video that I can relate to, a Harrione (Harry/Hermione).
http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=vWaBeRq5kYg&feature=related - something I found in my old Star Wars days...My Happy Ending by Avril Lavigne to an Anakin/Padme shipper. Here's another video on the same agenda: http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=VUBQZZ5Ph5I
http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=-l5Sk3eVcvY&feature=related - a very, very, new find...'Bitch' by Meredith Brookes is absolutely brilliant...it's to a Hermione/Cedric shipper, something for all those Twilighters/Harry Potter freaks out there. I can really relate to Hermione here - I'm a bitch, I'm not really a lover, I'm a child, and I'M NOT A MOTHER (but I can act like one) I'm a sinner (not in that way, sicko!) I'm a saint, and I don't feel ashamed. One minute difference - I don't have so many boys looking at me. Harry and Ron in this video remind me of my guyfriend, BSC - except for the kissing part, that's just...gross.
http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=RvnkAtWcKYg - I LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS SONG - Decode, by Paramore. I swear, I would like it even if it isn't the main theme song to Twilight...okay, maybe not, but I love the emotion behind it.
http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=--FUAm3uzDI - This is another song I sang when I was down in the dumps - When It Was Me, by Paula DeAnda.
http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=yF0Zu3NHH5k - I've never been much of an Obidala shipper (Padme/Obi Wan), but I love the song so much I'm not really fussed if Anakin is in it or not. I can actually relate to Obi Wan here... I'm sure my 'completely crazy and psycho friend' can guess why. The song is Love Song Requiem, by Trading Yesterday.
http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=sKDs8W2Xwm0&feature=related - Ah, I love new finds. This is my absolute favourite love theme of all time: Across the Stars, the Love Theme from Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones. I love it so much that I actually WROTE (well, arranged) a medley of love songs (this one, All I Ask of You from Phantom of the Opera and My Heart Will Go On from Titanic) and this one did feature predominantly (it starts off with this theme, and the solo at the end is based on this theme as well). I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT. So sweet, so sad, so beautiful.
Another favourite love theme, set to one of my favourite love stories: http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=EQy1SIPS1uk - My Heart Will Go On, Star Wars style. Very good - I do admire people who make videos on youtube like this one. So sad, so beautiful.
My other favourite song is Hallelujah, which I can play on the piano and sing, but I haven't found a nice clip of it.
Th-th-th-thats all folks!
Bloody. F**king. Ex.
Exes have two goals in life - find out why they got dumped, and how to make the person who dumped them life as miserable as possible.
Well, I'll tell you flat out why I dumped you. YOU'RE FAT, ANNOYING, IRRITATING AND STUPID. Who would go out with you? A silly, ignorant, petty eleven year old desperate for a boyfriend. My biggest regret.
And YOU will regret trying to make my life hell.
I'm sorry that I don't like you. I'm sorry that I, unlike you, ACTUALLY HAVE A F**KING LOVE LIFE. I'm sorry that no-one else is as desperate as I was.
SO LEAVE ME ALONE.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
I always have to fight for what I want. It's rewarding. And very, very, annoying.
It didn't bother me that much until I met BSC.
BSC is really, really, awesome. But he just seems to have opportunities for everything, opportunities that I would kill for. And they just seem to be handed out to him, whilst I'm in the shadows, just passed by. He's the sun, stunning and golden and glorious, with heroic gods in his name, whilst I'm the moon, with a few stars for friends and an endless black sky of despair, compared with beautiful, sad, maidens who just seem to have all calamity thrown at them.
I don't blame him for being the sun. I blame myself for being the moon.
I don't mind working for what I want. But I just hate that people think I'm mentally challanged just because I'm Asian. Just bluffing when I say I want to be a writer, and that I'm actually good at it, just because my skin is yellow and theirs is white. Sick of being passed by for a chance at the spotlight, always being forced to slave away behind the scenes. Punished for lack of charisma. Cursed for flaws that aren't my fault. Tired of being at the bottom, and never quite making it to the top, no matter how hard I try. Fed up with other people taking the credit for what I've done.
I'm tired of being passed by because I'm ugly, weird, polemic, female, Asian, uncharismatic and unorthodoxly gifted. I'm tired of being penalized for being me.
Sometimes I just feel like giving up. Surrendering. Sometimes I just ask myself...
Okay, I don't pretend to be experts in boys. I've only had one boyfriend - and he didn't even really count, anyway - and I have a couple of guyfriends, but they aren't boyfriends, and I don't want them to be anyway, because that would be just...weird. But I do know how to alienate boys, so if you do exactly opposite to whatever is listed below, you should be okay.
Cut the long story short, if you want a guy, just be completely opposite to me. Boys don't like me. I try, I don't try, I try really hard at not trying, I don't try really hard at trying, but nothing seems to work.
HOW TO ALIENATE GUYS
(BSC IF YOU READ THIS YOU ARE SOOOOO DEAD!!!)
1. TRY REALLY, REALLY, HARD and make a big show of flirting
Bubblegum pink is your friend! Go completely wacko and if you see that classic 'WTF?' look on his face, you're on the right track!
(translation: Try hard but don't look like you're trying too hard. Try-hards and girls that don't try at all freak guys out. They have a very simple mind.)
2. Laugh at EVERYTHING he says - whether it's a joke or not.
(translation: KNOW WHEN TO LAUGH. If it's a funny or halfway-funny joke, laugh. If it's a really lame joke, then...I dunno. But once I tried that and he was like "Why are you laughing? I just told you my dog died". Oops.)
3. Spend ALL your money on make up and pretty clothes - this works, honest.
(translation: I tried that too. Still boyfriend-less.)
4. Ask your friend to ask him out on your behalf - he'll think it's really cute that you're so shy.
(translation: Boys don't think like that. I must admit, to have a helplessly giggly girl say "J-j-j-e-s-s-s w-w-wants t-to g-go out w-with y-you" then double up laughing would just really freak me out.)
5. Say 'we're just friends, right? Nothing romantic', and he'll suddenly wish that you were his girlfriend
(translation: Boys take EVERYTHING to heart. So don't try that.)
6. Go out with any weirdo - hey, it's a boyfriend, that's all that counts!
(translation: tried that too. DID NOT WORK. grubby little nerds will always be...grubby little nerds, whether he's your bf or not)
7. As soon as you see the guy immediately dive into a group of friends - so he doesn't think you're a loner.
(translation: if a guy likes you (and I'm speaking of BSC's experiences, not mine) he finds it really fustrating if you're surrounded by a bunch of giggling girls all the time. So if you're with your friends, just stay with them, but look over your shoulder time to time at him, but if you're not, don't go running them up.)
LUCKY LAST: (this one doesn't need a translation)
8. Be prepared to have your heart broken and broken again and again and again.
Friday, November 21, 2008
I have a lot of favourites.
My favourite movies are probably Christopher Nolan's Batman remakes, Jerry Bruckheimer's Pirates of the Caribbean, and of course, George Lucas's Star Wars saga.
I love Batman because it isn't the average, cheesy, guy-gets-the-girl-and-saves-the-world that is a common, boring, recurring theme in superhero movies. Batman explores the emotion, pain, and anger behind the Batman, and is really intriguing and inspirational - the only superhero saga that really has depth.
Pirates of the Caribbean is the one and only pirate swashbuckler I will ever love. It's totally been revamped - and I love Keira Knightley and her character, the beautiful Elizabeth Swann, I love Will Turner (and Orli) even more, and of course, who could not love Johnny Depp's classic performance as bad boy Captain Jack Sparrow?
Star Wars is very original, very inspiring, if not poorly developed and directed. The forbidden love of the (quite literally) star crossed lovers is bittersweet and satisfyingly dark, and the fight scenes are as good as the syrupy ones.
The most anticipated movie of the year would have to be Twilight, by a long shot. Big fan of Kristen Stewart, a sort-of fan of Robert Pattinson and a die-hard Twilighter, I am a self-confessed fanpire and CANNOT BELIEVE that AMERICA gets TWILIGHT first. Hello? What about me? It's a crime to make me wait 'till mid-december!
My favourite pastimes are surfing the net, reading, blogging and writing. I love finding out new things, so Wikipedia does come in handy for that, and I love reading - Twilight, Harry Potter, A Little Princess and Pride and Prejudice top my list. I love blogging, because I think it's important that I step out of my shell a bit, and writing is just my thing. I love developing characters, I love writing action scenes and thrilling climaxes and bittersweet love stories, I love to keep people entertained and I love love love the idea that I may be a published author one day.
I love Twilight because it is so well written and original - albeit poorly developed and just a teensy bit shallow. I love the love story, and the pain, confusion and fear mingled into the dark romance is enthralling.
Harry Potter is also strikingly original as well, and very well written, with just enough humour to give you a good laugh but not too much to make it cheesy and spoil the deliciously scary moments. A Little Princess is the first classic I ever managed to read - and the best, in my opinion. Pride and Prejudice is one of the few rom-coms that I have actually enjoyed.
I love food in general - food + me = love. My favourite is Vietnamese, and I like dim-sum (or yum-cha) and everything my wacky mum cooks (well, not everything. Misth things).
I love cooking - although I'm not very good at it. I love baking - although I'm not very good at it. Cooking is good for the soul.
I also love music - I appreciate pop, rock, soul, indie, alternative and classical equally. I love r&b and hip hop - rihanna, timberland and justin timberlake top my list - and I love soul music - Bubbly by Colbie Callait has got to be one of my absolute favourites. Indie music is good as well - We Cry by The Script is my favourite song at the moment. Decode by Paramore - the official song of Twilight - is brilliant, as is almost everything about Twilight.
I also love classical music, specifically romantic classical and classical contemporary. I also love songs from musicals - My Fair Lady and The Phantom of the Opera are my favourites - and music scores! I LOVE MUSIC SCORES! Across the Stars, the Love Theme from Star Wars Episode II: Across the Stars by John Williams for George Lucas is the ABSOLUTE BEST.
I love being a rebel - that is what I am, I've embraced that now, it's not my mask, it's my soul. Good girls never made history and if you don't like me, tell someone who cares.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
This is the only spoiler I'm releasing, so enjoy it!
The person I hated was the man I loved.
The most mysterious of beings was the one I most understood.
I barely knew myself,
I barely knew him,
But I know this.
I love, I hate,
I sleep, I wake,
I scream, I cry,
I say hello,
I say goodbye.
Stay tuned - I'm hoping it will be published late next year.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
I don't get tarot at all and I don't have the cards, but this is how I read them. P.S, this version is specifically tailored for women, but guys can play it, although they may be a bit weirded out.
Just shuffle and pull out how many cards that match your lucky number (eg, my lucky number is five so I pull out five cards), then shuffle again, and read all in the shuffled order.
oh, and, one equals ace :)
Red Cards (Hearts or Diamonds)
King - a woman desires a lover
Queen - a woman triumphs
Jack - a woman desires a friend
10 - the journey ends
9 - the happy ending awaits
8 - luck is on your side
7 - give up now and fail forever, give up now and never prosper
6 - the worst is behind you
5 - a half completed journey
4 - death and misfortune eyes your every move
3 - an unbalanced life must be righted, be strong and don't be frightened
2 - the door is shut and faded to black; too late, it's gone, it won't come back
1 - the journey starts here - proceed, or go and never come back
Black Cards (Spades and Clubs)
King - a strong, fearless warrior
Queen - the mastermind if not the star
Jack - a loyal friend
10 - the enemy becomes a friend
9 - the friend becomes an enemy
8 - the darkness becomes light
7 - the light becomes darkness
6 - a friend in need is a friend in deed
5 - the rebellious troublemaker is actually a misunderstood renegade; help, do not ignore
4 - the misunderstood renegade is actually a rebellious troublemaker; ignore, do not help
3 - you walk the line
2 - all lies are truth
1 - all truth is lie
Example (i'll do one now)
7 of hearts - give up now and fail forever, give up now and never prosper
That gave me a lot of courage. I'm not going to give up on my writing now.
4 of clubs - the misunderstood renegade is a rebellious troublemaker; ignore, do not help
When i figure out who that is, I'll stop helping them.
1 of diamonds - the journey starts here - proceed, or go, and never come back
Wow, this thing really works!
9 of hearts - the happy ending awaits
I LOVE THIS!!!
3 of clubs - you walk the line
Of course I do. I walk the line of bitch and renegade, everyone knows that.
IT REALLY WORKS!!! WHOOHOO!!!
Monday, November 17, 2008
Writing is a vague and undefined, yet in no way unrefined art. With maths, you're either right or wrong, no two ways about it, but there is no 'right', 'wrong', 'good' or 'bad' in art. Writing included.
I fully understood that when I took GATE testing.
The GATE (Gifted and Talented Education) Test is the only way to get into extention programs at high school - otherwise you're just stuck with the rest. There are visual art, drama, music, dance, humanities, math, science and sport scholarships up for grabs - you name it and there's a scholarship for it.
For the standard academic test, the test you try out for to get into one of the many academic, humanities or maths specialist schools, there are four different sections: reading, writing, maths and mathematical IQ. Two maths and two reading, that's fair fair, right?
At primary/high school level, at least at aus, math is either right or wrong (it's only when you get to the ridiculously hard stuff where the answer is debatable). Reading is sort of like that, only I think the odds aren't in my favour because I basically taught myself the fundementals of refined English and being a second-generation Asian immigrant my comprehension is different (not wrong) to standard Australian. But writing?
J.R.R Tolkein is meant to be a good author. I can't stand his material. Same with Christopher Paolini.
Writing is subject to preference. People don't like your work? Tough.
Thank goodness my 'highly controversial' writing passed the test (at the top of the state, I might boast) and my unorthodox comprehension not far behind. I didn't finish my math test 0_o and my math IQ was pretty low, but hey, I got into the school I wanted, that was the main point.
Who wants to know about the cheesy guy-gets-the-girl-and-saves-the-world? It's been revamped too many times. Who wants to read some crappy, mysogynistic damsel in distress stuff? No. People want to read about unlucky wizards who go to school or vampires who fall in love, bittersweet tales of forbidden love or starcrossed lovers who are, quite literally, star crossed. So you don't like my work because it's controversial? Do you really think I care?
People not worth knowing love familiarity too much. Why do you think we have rascist people? Because some people are afraid of the 'unfamiliar' blacks. Why do you think we have sexist people? Because people are afraid of the opposite sex. Why do people hate controversial writing?
Because they're afraid of the unknown.
Okay, so my writing is a little strange. A spirit of a girl falls in love with a mortal man. Some churchers will curse me if that story ever gets released. A philogynistic, wealthy man falls in love with an ordinary, blunt, frank girl, and a whirlwind of calamity follows. Not exactly your average chick flick, but it's different. I'm different too.
I'm not blue eyed, blonde haired, flat stomached huge assed with absolutely no brain. I'm just not like that. I have dark hair, olive skin, my fair share of acne, and yes, I have a stomach, time to call the sheriff.
I wish people wouldn't pick on me because I put the backwards me in polemic. Why can't people see that my talent is beautiful if not perfect? That I'm not the prized silver fish, but a one-of-a-kind red fish, rare, not mutant?
Because behind this tough, rebellious image, I'm just a sad, lonely, insecure girl. Behind all the coolness of LADY RENEGADE, there is a shunned and unwanted kid who just wants to love, and to be loved in return. Behind this polemic rant there is the desperate cry of a girl who just wants to be understood. Behind my defiant persona there is a heart that is breaking, breaking, breaking, behind the not-quite-brilliant mind there is a forgotten soul.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
When I write,
It seems like,
All dire things disappear.
People love me,
There is no odium against me,
And for a moment,
I get praised.
My heart flies,
My spirit soars;
But only for a moment,
Then it goes.
But it's for those brief moments
Those fleeting seconds
That I endure the befores and afters
And I write.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
I have now truncated my already picky reading list - mostly because I've decided that work that I could have done better is not worth reading and the only books that are actually worth my time are true, priceless, works of art.
Now most people would say - why? Just read any old crap - it fills in time, just like reading is supposed to.
Well, partly because I LOVE LOVE LOVE reading and I LOVE LOVE LOVE gushing about the latest book I've devoured. And that is kind of hard if the book you've just read is complete shitcake.
So, this is the lowdown on the books that have stood out in my life:
Please be warned that you may not like everything written below, and I invoke my right as a free Australian to have freedom of speech. So no hatemail, please. Wait, that's not fair. If you really must send hatemail, please send it to my email address, firstname.lastname@example.org under lady renegade sux!. Thankyou.
I can't read Tolkein. I seriously can't. I think the ideas and storylines and setting and characters are great, but the actual books go right down the tube. 'Great Literature' is not 'Really good ideas completely wrecked by shitty writing'. End of story.
I really can't stand this guy. He's not that brilliant, really. All his books are almost completely copied directly from The Lord of The Rings. I mean, my writing is influenced quite a bit from Twilight, but at least it is THE BOY FROM GREEN EAVES and not TWILIGHT REMADE. THE LORD OF THE RINGS REMADE would be a much more appropriate title than 'Eragon'
Good points: This girl's got talent. Seriously. The prose, the dialogue, her style is brilliant, something no-one will ever be able to match up to. Incredibly complex but still easy and enjoyable to read. Heartbreakingly romantic but not gooey and barf-inducing. Only American author that really stands out to me.
Bad points: The character development is a little shoddy - especially Bella. She has virtually no personality once she is turned into a vampire - her main defining characteristics - stubborness, clumsiness - are all just human reactions to her shockingly beautiful boyfriend. And really, I know she's mentioned that she doesn't intend Bella's life to be a perfect role model for teenages, but, intentional or not, people will start to look up to Bella, good and bad. A girl's destiny should not be to hook up with some gorgeous vampire.
I must admit, there is only one small bad thing that sours J.K Rowling's gloriously sweet Harry Potter series. It's children's literature adored by boys, girls, little children, pubescent adolescents and teenagers, and even adults. An absolute gem.
The only small bad point is that the ending is seriously bad. Unrealistic and cheesy. But that's it. The rest is all praise.
FRANCES HODGSON BURNETT
The Secret Garden: good idea but poorly written
A Little Princess: ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT
That's my little rant over. I can't wait for you guys to review my books...when they get published. If they ever do.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Anyway, what is with the 'Cheeky Quote' now?
"I hear voices in my head and they don't like you" - Edward Cullen.
I consider that an insult - I am a self-confessed TWILIGHT fan and I LOVE LOVE LOVE Edward Cullen (and Jasper Hale) and that is not the right quote. The quote is from Twilight and it is "I hear voices in my head and you think you're the one that's mental", or something like that.
Despite that slurr, I'm all hyped up that EDWARD CULLEN has featured on my blog, even if it is only a Cheeky Quote that will disappear within the next half-hour.
Friday, November 07, 2008
My best friends. I don't have that many.
Best Friend #1: my mom
Best Friend #2: my editor
Best Friends #3: lily and edward
Best Friend #4: BSC
Best Friend #5: C.S
Best Friend #6: my completely crazy and psycho friend
Best Friends #7: my wikifriends
Best Friends #8: my computer and the internet
Best Friend #9: my piano
Best Friend #10: my violin
Don't be alarmed if you're near the bottom of the list and you thought you would be at the top. The order is forever changing - this is just the order today.
My mom is my best friend. I just don't get it when people who have no real family problems (like divorcing or drugs or alcohol) and hate their mom. I mean, sure, I get real angry with her sometimes, but I never hate her. My mom is my best friend in the whole wide world.
My editor is my lifesaver. You see, I go to a real maths-and-sports based school, which happen to be the two things that I'm not particularly fond of (okay, I love maths but I love english better, but I hate sport. Most sports) and the English standard really isn't all that high (in fact, the whole state's English standard is pretty sad), so even though I'm no child prodigy, I manage to be the top of the state in Humanities. The downside of being the top in the state (apart from the obvious jealousy, envy, teasy thing) is that there is no-one that really is your level.
I hate to boast. I don't pretend to be brilliant, especially not in art or sport. But this is something I'm good at, and I like to think that I'm REALLY good at it. Just to boost my very small ego.
So when we do peer editing, I feel incredibly guilty when I mark other people's essays and narratives - the whole page looks like it's been painted with red. My work, on the other hand, is hardly marked, which is quite annoying because I know it's far from perfect and I want some constructive critisism. Even teachers aren't overly critical of my work. I mean, they say all this crap about my work being controversial, and it is, I'm no conservative, but what I really want people to do is help me get rid of the rough patches of my writing.
So I have one person to do this for me. My editor.
Okay, she's not my official editor, but she's pretty cool nonetheless. Every week at the writing workshop that I go to (it's ending soon - sad) she meticulously reads over my work, giving it the polish it deserves, plus she endures constant bombardments of emails of my brainwaves and new ideas. She's my lifesaver. She's also awesome.
Lily and Edward are actually the main characters of the new trilogy that I'm writing - they're actually Lillian Jaymes McFee and Edward Lancaster. Yes, I know, they're not real, but one day their love story will be in bookstores all over the world, so don't diss them. Lily is a sort of cross between me, Bella Swan and Elizabeth Bennett, Edward is sort of a cross between My Perfect Guy, another fictional character of my mind, Anakin Skywalker, BSC, Jasper Hale, Edward Cullen, Gilbert Blythe, etc. Edward is always there for me and I'm always there for Lily. Simple.
BSC comes in at number four today - for reasons unfathomable to me. I have to endure a lot of teasing because of our friendship - rumours circulating that I'm jealous of his girlfriend, the one and only Bethany the Beautiful, but I'm not, just to make things clear. BSC and I are friends, nothing romantic, as I have stated numerous times. Some people don't seem to get the message. Aside from that, he's the best guyfriend any girl could ask for. Bit too tall, though...and he never listens, but then, neither do I...
What would I do without wacky, crazy C.S? She is the korean version of agua loca, literally. She's the twin sister I never had.
My completely crazy and psycho friend is one of my friends at school - and she's awesome. She has some issues with the fact that I wear makeup to school (not much, just a dab of concealer and some tinted lipbalm) but other than that (and a huge row we had a few months ago) we get along just fine.
My wikifriends - what would I do without them? I love you guys all so, so much.
I couldn't live without my computer - I'm serious, I tried to live without it, and I was suicidal for those entire ten minutes. I'm a writer and I need to write on a daily basis, and Microsoft Word comes in handy for that. Lots of people say I should write by hand, but I can't - My writing is barely legible and it's so slow and I just don't write well by hand. On the other hand, I'm a 75 wpm touch-typist and I have absolutely no problem just tapping away all day. There's also the problem of finding so much paper to write on - I can't write on unlined paper - and I lose things as soon as I find them, so at least on the computer I only lose 2 out of 3 things instead of 3 out of 2. And I hate erasers - I love the backspace key. And pens! PENS! They annoy the hell out of me.
The internet is also hugely vital, for recreational and work purposes. Because I'm trying to appeal to more people than just Aussies I set most of my work in America, but seeing as I've never been to America I have to do a lot of research - what's the legal drinking age, clubbing age, heritage sites, etc. My editor is very impressed by how much meticulous investigation I do, but I find it fun and sort of necessary - I want my work to be realistic, and I like researching. Projects that involve spending hours researching on the net and writing notes are, like, the only homework that I do (I hate doing boring old English and Math sheets - as BSC knows very well)
I know, it's a little weird to have a piano as a friend, but seriously, my piano is better than most people I know. It's a great stress reliever - seriously. You can do things to a piano that you cannot do to another human being without them retaliating. I mean, BSC has this don't hit girls policy, so he's the best punchbag, but I swear, even he wouldn't take what I do to my piano without taking a snap at me. Don't get me wrong, I love love love my piano, but, like BSC, it's one of my scapegoats. I play loud music when I'm angry or happy, and slow, sad nocturnes and love themes when I'm heartbroken, sad or feeling incredibly romantic. My favourite allegro is Allegro ma non troppo by Beethoven, although I have revamped it to make it more dramatic, something my teacher does not fully appreciate in a piece of music written in a conservative, classical era (although I have pointed out that Beethoven is not known for being conservative). My teacher reckons Beethoven has just turned in his grave. I reckon he's just danced in it.
My favourite nocturne is Notturno Opus 54 Lyric Pieces N0.4 by Grieg. Grieg is one of my favourite composers - one of my other favourites is Morning Song.
My favourite love theme is Across the Stars by John Williams, the love theme from Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones. It's so romantic and desperately sad, it makes my eyes prick every time I play it. Okay, I am very bad at playing it, I'm teaching it to myself, but I it's okay - I'll ask my teacher about the second bridge that I always miss. My other personal favourites are two Phantom of the Opera pieces: the love theme, All I Ask of You, and Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again. All I Ask of You is a bit repetitive, so I have fun mucking around with the keys - it's written in some ridiculous key - D flat major I think - so every now and then I'll transpose it into D major. It's quite interesting.
I hate studies - they're annoying - but there is one study that is okay - Con Moto, Opus 107 No 6 by Cornelius Gurlitt. It's quite...dramatic, at least when I play it is.
My violin earns me a lot of status at school. I picked it up quite easily - because of my piano career - and I climbed up easily through the ranks. It's not as hard as my classmates make it out to be - I just like being at the top, but I like to work for it.
These are my best friends in the whole wide world and I love love love them all so, so, much
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
I took the 'which male twilight character are you?" quiz and you're right, chamal - pretending to be the opposite sex is weird. So you can stop channelling your inner female and take the test more comfortably with the link below:
Take the Quiz and Share Your Results!
You are intelligent, obeservant and good at managing a group of people. Although you long for meaningful connections, you can be can be distant and sometimes lack self control. You are careful though and the tough experiences you’ve been through help you to work at living a better life.
Duh, of course I got Jasper. Why do you think I just mwah'd him? Because I'm drunk?
Well, maybe I am, mum put dry sherry in the dinner...
Anyways, tell me, tell me, WHICH MALE CHARACTER ARE YOU?
I'm ALICE!!! WHOOHOO!!!
Take the Quiz and Share Your Results!
I don't have anything against Rosalie - but I just figured that we don't have that much in common. I am a LOT like Alice.
I accidentally clicked the wrong answer when I took the test the first time, I was in a hurry and so tired...
But I'm officially an Alice. Gottit?
This is what was on the website:
You are intelligent, outgoing & stylish. A true girly girl, you love shopping & makeovers. Although you are a generous friend, you can be coy, tricky & very persuasive in order to get your way. You are known to zone out occasionally during conversations, but your friends forgive you because you are understanding, supportive & know how to throw one heck of a party!
Monday, November 03, 2008
Take the Quiz and Share Your Results!
I took this quiz and apparently I'm a ROSALIE HALE!!!
Rosalie Hale is a main character in the TWILIGHT saga - the most beautiful of all the Cullens. She is described as being the most beautiful woman in the world, and is vain, tenacious, beautiful, musical, insecure and mistrustful of people.
Do I tick all of the boxes? Yes! - well, er, no, not the beauty part, but other than that, yeah. I mean, I like Alice better, but who gives - Rosalie is totally awesome.
If you wanna take the quiz, go to the site that I've put below. According to this site, my description is:
You are straightforward, tenacious, and beautiful, but unfortunately aware of it. You are attention loving, and people easily flock to you, but deep down you are mistrustful of people in general. You can be judgmental and thoughtless, but you love deeply and are extremely protective of those that you hold dear.
So yeah, that's pretty much me. Except for the beauty part - me? Beautiful? Hardiharhar - keep dreaming.
The site is:
Saturday, November 01, 2008
I know, the title makes this post sound more like a Jane Austen sequel, but bear with me. I couldn't think of a better heading.
At school, we don't have a judge. Our homeroom teacher is the stand in judge, and you just have to pray that the teacher isn't biased or prejudiced or rascist or sexist or whatever.
Perfectly unswayable teachers are incredibly rare.
The fact remains that most human beings are biased, or prejudiced, or rascist or sexist, or all of them, for that matter. And most people don't even know it - they're sort of subconciously prejudiced or something.
Some people get THE BUG.
THE BUG is a potent disease caused by people (eg, MW) to make people do things they want them to. Sort of like weaponized black magic. So either your born prejudiced or catch prejudism.
Fantastic. I live in a brilliant world.
MW somehow managed to convince the teacher that he's found an error in his ways and will attempt to be less annoying and not make the girls cry so much, when he had a little one-on-one with her after the incident I described in 'Taste of Your Own Medicine'. And the teacher actually bought that. My teacher, I thought, was the most incorruptible and unswayable person in the school.
She caught THE BUG.
So now, whenever MW does something, and I 'dob', apparently I'm picking on him. Whenever he makes me cry, apparently, I'm being 'sensitive'.
Why am I suddenly the bad guy? What did I do? Tell someone I thought I trusted when someone made me angry, cried when I was upset. It's a free country - I can cry all I want.
And the sad thing is, out of every single person in my grade, MW is the one that's going to my high school next year.
As I said, I live in a heaven away from heaven.
What do you do when the judge has the inability to pass judgement? What do you do when the only people on your side are getting fewer and weaker?