"I don't think that being a strong person is about ignoring your emotions and fighting your feelings. Putting on a brave face doesn't mean you're a brave person. That's why everybody in my life knows everything that I'm going through. I can't hide anything from them. People need to realise that being open isn't the same as being weak."

- Taylor Swift

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Some things never change.
But there's a nice view from the

I have a beautiful jailor

With an evil smile.
You are truly wonderful

You even made my only friend
Desert me.

Thursday, June 23, 2011


I wish...
I could tell you how I feel.

It's like this.

I think about you every night
And day.
But I know you don't ever think
About me.
I could tell you I love you but
I can't lie
Because I don't think this is love.
But I just can't get enough...

You should know,
But you don't...
You don't know what you put me through,
You don't know how much
I feel when I'm around you.

I confuse...
Love with lust
Lust with slavery
Love with slavery
No, itjustwontdo.

You know
I figured out why
You can't love me.
Because I'm never me around you.
You drown me.
You took a chisel and
Cracked me clean through.

I should know
I told you I could do it.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

I'm not gonna play.

The number of articles about this is mindboggling. The amount of advice I have been given on this is a complete brain-screw.

How to play guys.

Girls these days have been manipulated into thinking that unless you act like you have the sex drive of a menopausal nun or play an incredibly complex cat/mouse/goose/fox/donkey chase you're never ever ever gonna get a guy. Guys have nothing to hide. Why do we always have to pretend, lie, act, play? I'm not gonna play anymore.

I had my first crush when I was eight and it's been hell ever since. There's nothing like a crush in the same room to suck what little confidence you have as a spotty teenager. Getting what I want is like trying to catch a whale with your bare hands. A boyfriend is probably as useful as a hand-caught whale.

I don't understand why it's so hard. Boy meets girl, my ass. It's more like rolling a weighted dice. And my dice, like Guildenstern's coin, is defying the laws of physics. Not good enough, not good enough, not good enough, not good enough.

You know what? I'm not going to do all the work anymore. I don't want to keep thinking of boys like wild animals that need ensnaring. I'm tired of slippery eels of boys, I'm tired of being the hunter chasing the deer that belongs to Caesar, or in my case, fucking Aphrodite. I'm tired of feeling insecure and flustered and humiliated all the time. I'm tired of compromising, I'm tired of chasing, I'm tired of playing. I'm tired of boys, BOYS! laughing at my efforts to just say what can never be said, to be what I am never meant to be.

When it comes to love I feel like a liar, an actress. Not even a particularly good one, either, and that's the sad part. I am not even good at the charade. I degrade myself to the most filthy things for what? I don't even get the blood money.

Come to me. Cut the crap and I'll love you until the day I die. But what you see is all you get, because love shouldn't be a masquerade, and love shouldn't be a crusade or a victory march or a public execution. My life used to be a lot simpler before I dreamed of boy meets girl.

Monday, June 20, 2011

I don't really have a reputation for being a shallow person. Shallowness is really only acceptable in pretty people. And I live up to my reputation, really, I do. I know too much, I talk too much, I think too much, I see too much and I eat too much. I'm the beautiful soul, deeply wise inner-foodie...and I'm head over heels in love with that dude in J.Lo's new music video.

People find it weird that I dig six packs. People find it weird I have any kind of sexuality or attraction at all, actually. It's like I can be an encyclopedia or a human being, but not both. I'm fifteen, for crying out loud. The boy meets girl instinct has thoroughly kicked in.

I'm not a shallow person - I wouldn't marry someone for his abs (not that anyone with abs would marry me, as so many people have so very kindly pointed out). But I wouldn't say no....;)

Sometimes I think people don't see me as a girl at all. But I've always been a cheeky kid, and that's translated into weird things as I've grown older. But whatever people think of me, platonicity (it is a word. look it up) messes with their head. You can have boobs and brains, you know, and as I've become more and more aware of that people have become more and more afraid of me. Cliches are cliches because we all want them, deep down.

Shallowness is only bad by itself. When you're someone like me with so much more to offer, the occasional superficial daydream really isn't going to hurt nobody.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Australia is not the country it used to be. We have become too accustomed to peace; too complacent, nay? We've become dull and sluggish and uncaring, indifferent and brutally cold to the less fortunate. We wallow in wealth and we've become bloated with fortune, and I'm scared of it.

We must never forget that war, that unrest, that death, arises from the most unlikely, the most peaceful of places. The longer we sweep our problems under the carpet the more inevitable violence becomes. We are fuelling a time bomb, here.

I'm not afraid of war. I'm not afraid of injustice. I wouldn't say that I don't care if any repercussions come from speaking my mind, but nothing will silence me. I am no fearless, but there are some things I am not afraid of. I'm not afraid of death. But I'm afraid of what we are becoming, what we have become. Atrocities, in the name of politics, in the name of God, in the name of the greater good. Why? Why? Perhaps it takes someone as young and as green as me to ask it. I'm not the sort of person who can accept things as they are, I'm not the sort of person who can turn a blind eye at sin. We all have blood or shit on our hands, one way or another.

We don't know what's around the corner, we don't know what Fate has in store for us, or what end of the stick Fortune will throw at us. Perhaps I will live and die in peace and prosperity. Perhaps I will be a Jew under the Gestapo. Maybe I will be Sophie Scholl, the rash and brazen martyr. Maybe I will be a genius, or maybe I will be nothing. I don't know which of the above I am more afraid of.

This endless paradise makes me uneasy. History tells us that peace is not made to last.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

The Phantom's Opera

I am lady darkness,
You will know nothing but night;
You took away my innocence,
I'll take away your sight.
I'll lull your children to sleep with the
Horror lullaby,
I'll be singing softly in your ear
When you can't sleep at night.

Ancient gods below,
Great princes long gone;
I invoke you to curse
This man, this thing,
Flesh and bone.
I'd take a knife and
Run you through but
I will twist the last breath from you.
From now you'll suffer what
I have suffered in this
The Phantom's opera.

You will curse the day you did not do
All that the angel asked of you.

Inspired by 'The Phantom of the Opera'. Dedicated to...guess who?

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

Our Boys.

You see soldiers
We see brothers,
You see numbers
I see friends.
You see patriots
I see lovers,
You see heroes
We see the dead.

You give us medals
We want our fathers,
You give us honour
When we want our sons.
You give us money
We don't want your booty,
The war should have been over
But it's just begun.

What can replace the dead and the dying?
Who can console the weak and the crying?
They don't roar 'glory',
They just scream 'Mum',
Bring back our boys
Before God takes another one.

Monday, June 06, 2011


Basic Congee Recipe

I LOOOOOOVE making congee. The best bit? It's sort of make it up as you go along.


You'll need a very big pot. Swapping from pot to pot is very messy business, so always try to everestimate how much congee you'll end up with. To avoid burning you'll have to stir regularly, so a long-handled spoon is useful.

FYI it is almost impossible to make small batches of congee.


Any rice will work, although white rice is traditional. You can make congee out of brown rice, but it will take AGES. Sometimes I add just a tablespoon of white rice to my brown rice.

One cup of uncooked rice is enough for six people if you get it to dim-sum restaurant consistency. You can also use cooked rice, but I don't know how much you need to make congee.


Make it up as you go along. Some like a very thick congee with lots of substance, others, with patience and a very large pot, can reduce it to a watery soup. I'm a big fan of the kind of congee you get at dim-sum restaurants. Replacing all or some of the water with clear broth will improve the taste but will colour the congee.

Other ingredients:

If you want the beautiful snow-white congee of restaurants, keep it plain or only add salt until serving. Otherwise, soy sauce and stock cubes make the congee tastier. Don't overseason whilst cooking - soy sauce is normally added to taste later.

Carrots and sweet potatoes chopped roughly add sweet susbtance to the congee, especially if allowed to boil for a long time. Add whole cloves of garlic and slices of ginger at the same time as the carrots or sweet potatoes. The carrot, sweet potatoes and garlic should be soft and tender when the congee is done.

Lately I've been stirring through shredded or sliced cooked chicken breast just at the last minute to add some protein, although you can put in uncooked marinated meat (don't overcook) or my grandmother sometimes uses dried scallops. Steamed de-boned fish added to unflavoured congee is the classical Chinese baby-food. In dim-sum restaurants century egg and chicken congee is most common.


Soy sauce, sesame oil, pepper, salt, coriander, fried shallots and spring onions. Congee is sometimes a one-pot meal, eaten in place of rice or served with Chinese crullers.



1. Add one cup uncooked white rice and one teaspoon each of salt and soy sauce to a very deep pot.
2. Add two cups boiling water and stir regularly until all water has been absorbed.
3. Add chopped carrot, whole cloves of garlic and sliced ginger to taste.
4. Add two cups boiling water and stir regularly until all water has been absorbed.
5. Repeat step four until desired consistency has been reached.
6. Add a final two cups of boiling water and stir until all has been absorbed (this might take a while)
7. Add chicken (cooked or uncooked) untill warmed through.
8. Serve.

Sunday, June 05, 2011

CRAZY Paramore mashup.

When I was younger I saw
My daddy cry,
And curse and the wind.
He broke his own heart and I watched,
As he tried to reassemble it.

And my mamma swore that she would
Never let herself forget.
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love,
If it does not exist,
Cause darling...

That's what you get when you let your heart win,
That's what you get when you let your heart win,
I drowned out all my sense with
The sound of its beating,
That's what you get when you let your heart win,

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky
Are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now,
Wish right now,
Wish right now.
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky
Are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now,
Wish right now,
Wish right now...

Cause I can't make my own decisions
Or make any with precision,
Well maybe you should tie me up
So I don't go where you don't want me.
You say that I've been changing
That I'm not just simply aging,
Well how could that be logical?
Just keep on cramming ideas down my throat.

I know you won't believe me,
But the way I,
Way I see it:
Next time you point your finger
I might have to bend it back and
Break it,
Break it off.
Next time you point your finger,
I'll point you to the mirror.

If God's the game that you're playing
We must get more acquainted,
Because it has to be so lonely
To be the only one who's holy.
It's just my humble opinion
But it's one that I believe in,
You don't deserve a point of view
If the only thing you see is you

How can I decide what's right,
When you're clouding up my mind?
I can't win
You're losing fight,
All the time.
How can I ever own what's mine,
When you're always taking sides?
Well you won't take away my pride,
No, not this time.
Not this time, 'cause

You treat me just like
Another stranger,
Well it's nice to meet you sir,
I guess I'll go,
I best be on my way out.
Well, you treat me just like
Another stranger,
Well it's nice to meet you sir,
I guess I'll go,
I best be on my way out.

Ignorance is your new best friend,
Ignorance is your new best friend.

If I'm a bad person
You don't like me,
Well, I guess I'll make my own way.
It's a circle
A mean cycle,
I can't excite you anymore.
Where's your gavel?
Your jury?
What's my offence this time?
You're not a judge but
If you're gonna judge me,
Sentence me to another life...

And I'll never let this go,
But I can't find the words to tell you
That we'll build your house brick by boring brick,
Or the wolf's gonna blow it down.
Keep your feet on the ground,
When your head's in the clouds.

Go get your shovel
And we'll dig a deep hole,
To bury the castle
Bury the castle.
Go get your shovel
And we'll dig a deep hole,
To bury the castle,
Bury the castle.

If it's not real
You can't hold it in your hand,
You can't feel it with your heart,
And I won't believe it.
But if it's true
You can see it with your eyes,
Oh even in the dark,
And that's where I want to be
Cause darling...

You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception,

And I'm on my way to believing.


Who are you?
What are we?
What are we to become?

Are you a lover, murderer, friend?
How do you begin?
How do we end?

What do you mean?
You smile,
Are you sincere?
You frown,
Why are you so unclear?

What's our connection?
Is it tangible?
Will I run you through with my sword,
Or kiss your feet?
Will we laugh,
Would I say 'I love you',
Or is the question
'Do you love me?'

Are you brother or marauder,
Friend or foe?
So many things I'm yet to know.
I wonder how you and I will grow,
But I say this honestly,
It's so fascinating
How much
Is said

Wednesday, June 01, 2011

The Things Weird Gen Y/Z Guys Do That Absolutely Piss The Shit Out Of Me.

1. Guyliner.

Guyliner is really only cool if you're in an emo band or...actually, not even that. Guys just can't wear eyeliner - the only guys who get away with wearing eyeliner are those really cool Spanish guys who look like they're born with natural eyeliner, in which case they don't need anymore. Guys can't wear eyeliner in the same way guys can't wear bras. That, my friend, is just that.

2. Really, really, really, really skinny jeans.

I don't care if it makes your package look ten times bigger (if that is true, then it must be tiny) or if you've got Helena Christensen's legs, really skinny jeans are just not cool, especially if they're bright coloured and have ludicrous belts and tucked in shirts. Bleurgh.

3. Really, really, really, really disgusting jeans.

The occasional rip looks cool, but when your jeans have a hole from hip to toe and shows off half your arse then you just look revolting. There's a fine line between daredevil and bogan and excessively horrible jeans are in the wrong category. Wash your jeans regularly, don't deliberately attack them with a steak knife and if you want distressed jeans, buy distressed jeans - the shops normally know what they're doing, even if you don't.

4. That stupid hair flip thing.

The only remedy for this is a proper haircut. Granted, the Bieber look looks good on some people - probably not Bieber, but anyway - but if it's so long that it reaches your elbows than hair flipping just makes you look like a pissed off donkey. Also, having a fringe of a wild boar when you have a buzz cut just looks like you fell asleep at the hairdressers and the stylist was drunk and seeking revenge. The only guy I know who can do that hair flip thing who doesn't make me want to punch him in the face is this guy I know with Terettes - yeah, he only gets away with it because he can't help it. You can.

5. Pants that basically hang mid-thigh.

Granted, perhaps high-waisted trends haven't really hit the Y-chromosone in a big way since the 70's, but that's no excuse for confusing your waist with your knees. The seat of your jeans is designed to fit, well, your seat, not your ankles.

6. Childish cartoon T-shirts

Only look cool on Sheldon Cooper. Look at all the guys that girls have lusted over in the last decade...Harry Potter, Stefan Salvatore, Edward Cullen - not one of them has been caught dead (or undead) wearing a Teh Cake Is A Lie LOL shirt.

7. You gotta have some pants that are not jeans and not your pyjama bottoms.

For formals, meet-the-rents and your-jeans-really-need-a-wash days.

8. Peach Fluff.

These days girls have to shave a lot more...areas than boys. So we don't understand how guys can stand having masses of fuzzy cotton wool on their cheeks and have the nerve to laugh at the unfortunate Greek girl with hairy legs. SHAVE, goddammit - and screw the 'if I shave now I'll have to shave all the time'. You already have to shave all the time, buddy.

9. Lynx Addiction.

Deodorant is for after the shower, not instead of it. Also, don't believe those ads where girls drop from the sky to smell your guy spritz. The only way we'll do that is if we're on an aeroplane together and we jump off in desperation.

10. Spitting.

Don't do it.

11. Do not diss feminism. Ever.

Any educated man knows the current gender equality status - close, but not quite. Ranting about things you don't understand - and if you think that feminism is irrelevant/stupid than you don't understand it - makes you look vulgar and unsophisticated. 'Go back to the kitchen' jokes are really, really, really, really lame.

12. 'You like me, don't you? C'mon, admit it. You know, the first stage of admittance is denial.'

Now we definitely don't like you.