"I don't think that being a strong person is about ignoring your emotions and fighting your feelings. Putting on a brave face doesn't mean you're a brave person. That's why everybody in my life knows everything that I'm going through. I can't hide anything from them. People need to realise that being open isn't the same as being weak."

- Taylor Swift

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Writer's Block

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. It's not like I haven't tried - believe me, I have started so many articles, but not published them.

Do you know why?

It's kind of stupid really. Writer's block.

I get writer's block all the time - and it is bloody annoying. It's like having a cold and you've run out of painkillers and flu tablets and you can't be bothered going out to get the drugs, so you wait around all day waiting impatiently for the sicky to go away. I get little flickers of good writing - a witty phrase, or an intelligent sentence - but not enough for a proper blog post. That's really annoying. If I really wanted to, I'd to all those anti-block exercises - like look at a lamp and just write about it - but I don't have time - or the age old just-force-yourself-to-write-and-something-good-will-eventually-come-up exercise, because it doesn't work - especially for blogs, because reading an uninspired blog post is pure torture.

And, because I've just watched My Sister's Keeper, I'm going to launch an ethical debate that could go on forever. This is the topic:

A mother of a girl who is dying of leukemia is told that if she has a second, test tube baby, that baby can save her sister's life, but the baby's life will be limited in some ways - she will have to be careful not to physically overexert herself, she would have to be in and out of hospital doing dangerous operations for her sister, and when she grows older, she wouldn't be allowed to drink or fall pregnant. Without this test tube baby, the leukemia girl will most likely die.

The mother agrees to go ahead and engineer the leukemia girl's saviour, her own personal set of spare parts. Is this wrong?

Please put in your opinions and arguments in the comment section, and feel free to debate with each other. In a civilized manner, of course.

Monday, August 24, 2009

White Horse

I'm not a princess,
This ain't a fairytale,
I'm not the one you sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell;
This ain't Hollywood,
This is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down;
Now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around.

I'm not a princess,
This ain't a fairytale,
I'm gonna find someone someday,
Who might actually treat me well;
This is a big world,
That was a small town,
It's all in my rearview mirror disappearing now;
Now it's too late for you and your white hourse to catch me now.

Myth Debunking.

10 Weird Things About Me That Are True:

1. Yes, I do actually love English.
2. Air hostesses give me the creeps. I think it's to do with the fact that they're more polite to me than any other human being (or dog) ever are, and the fact they always miss me when they come around with the coffee.
3. I am a carnivore. Real women eat steak.
4. I am (no lie) a princess. A minor princess. A minor princess from a now-defunct royal family, but a PRINCESS NONETHELESS!!!
5. I used to be a diehard Star Wars fan. I am now a semi-diehard Star Wars fan. Get over it.
6. I have this irrational fear that if I don't order enough to eat at restaurants that I'll 'run out before I'm full'.
7. I also get very possessive over my food, and I always get worried someone will steal my share when sharing pizza.
8. I actually like reading cookbooks and those cooking shows. I don't know why.
9. It's always pissed me off when celebrity chefs on TV hold things up to the camera for us to smell. I'm just like, sure, I'm totally going to smell that from here.
10. I've always hated it when my primary school teachers say 'if you finish this math off real quick we'll go outside and do some extra sport'. I haven't quite figured out how that would be a reward - it's more a punishment or torture for me.

10 Weird Things About Me That Are Not True

1. I am not fat. I am five foot three and a half, almost fourteen, fifty kilos, and a size nine (size 5 in America). Not fat.
2. I have not read every single book on the planet. I read a lot, but I haven't actually read a lot of books - I read the same books over and over and over...
3. I have never pretended to be good at maths. Or that I like maths. My race does not reflect my math scores.
4. I do not think that God is stupid. I think if you believe in God that's a very good thing, and you are more religious than I could ever dream to be. I just think, in my case, it's better for me not to believe in God. Because if I did, God would have a lot to answer to.
5. I do not believe in female supremacy. I just believe in gender equality and the advocation of women's rights. If you didn't understand all of that, then don't worry. You don't need to.
6. I do not believe that all men are dumb.
7. I do not believe that most men are dumb.
8. I only think that a small, tiny amount of men are dumb. But nonetheless, smal amount of men or not, there are still dumb men in the world.
9. I am not some psycho know-it-all genius. I am actually quite dumb. My math IQ is absolutely pathetic - barely above average.
10. I am not really religious. I am kind of Buddhist, but I don't believe in karma. I believe if you want payback, you need to avenge yourself. Nobody is going to get revenge for you.

Friday, August 21, 2009

How Can I Give Up On Love?

I don't know how people do it.

I'm watching a TV drama on the net called Queen Seon Duk of Silla, who is, if my calculations are correct, a distant ancestor (that is IF my calculations are correct). Her destiny is to reclaim her position as princess and seize the throne (it's a long story that I can't be bothered explaining right now).

Her very first comrade is her army superior, and they fall in love. She's pretty, he's hot, so, instant fairytale!

But she leaves him behind! "Love might weaken my resolve" she tells him, and they're both all teary eyed (but still pretty and hot). "You remind me of the normal life part of heart truly wants" and then they say all this soppy stuff that I will not repeat for fear of causing all of my readers irreversably permanent nausea. It's heartbreaking and sad and, well, wrong.

All I have ever wanted for a very long time is to be loved - and those two in the series, Deokman and Yushin, were so perfect for each other. Yushin was completely crazy over her. If someone was as crazy over me like Yushin was over Deokman, then there is no way in hell I would give that up.

For all the blessings I have, I don't have the ability to be loved, in that way, at least. Love outside family - the kind of love you get not because you're someone's daughter, or sister, or niece, but because they truly love you for what you are, willingly and unconditionally. You don't know what it's like not to have something unless you don't have it, and believe me, to not have love when everyone else seems to really hurts. If I had the chance to be in love like that, I'd cling on to it and never let go.

For however strong I am, for however fearless I am, I could never give up on love.

But, at the moment, I have no love to give up.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Alone in the Crowd.

It is possible to feel alone in the crowd, you know. It happens to me. All the time.

I have all these friends that say 'hi' and 'how you goin'?', but nothing else. I never get invited to parties, or outings. All my so called 'friends' all come back from watching the latest cartoon, and not one of them bothered to ask me. I'd rather not have any friends.

It's not my fault I enjoy my own company. When I'm with people, I'm constantly scrutinized - when I'm with people, especially girls of my own age, I feel like I'm being analyzed like some specimen, and it makes me feel insecure.

But it's suddenly not cool to be good at anything anymore, or bad at anything. Strictly average is the new cool. Saying something is cool is not cool anymore either. I haven't got time to keep up with that junk. All I'm worrying about lately is my grades and dodging annoying teachers, and graduation and Oxford. I still have time for friends, but I don't have any.

I don't believe in changing yourself for friends - and I'm not, at least to extremities. I tried that before - I tried being a brainless anorexic barbie, and it didn't work. I've improved myself and I keep improving, but I am who I am. I have as many flaws and as many talents as any other person. Yet every other person has friends. I don't.

Everyone protests 'but I'm your friend', but are they? Friends don't make friends do all the work in a group project. Friends don't leave friends out of outings and parties. Friends aren't just friendly when they feel like it, or when it suits them.

Friends don't leave friends out in the dark.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Bloody Righteousness

There are always three different types of people in a movie, drama, or book. The evil people, the good people, and...the righteous people.

Righteous people annoy me. Especially the ones in movies and dramas and books. Why? Because they're never bloody right. They rampage around doing all sorts of stupid things 'because it's right' and you just feel like screaming 'WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU DOING???'

At least, that's what I feel like doing.

Righteous people are the people that are even more annoying than evil people, because they're too dimwitted to be good or bad, so they're the annoying in-betweens that get in the way. I hate dumb people more than I hate smart people. You can't even call them evil because they're not even that.

Why do people include these kind of people in stories? It slows the whole thing down to an annoyingly slow pace. They want to know everything but they can't tell them anything because they're so stupid so they make things up and do everything wrong and...

Gah. I'm getting worked up. It's late.

Do you guys get annoyed by stupid people too? I know I really shouldn't, but they really bug me. Especially when they're not actually stupid, but they act like they can't comprehend anything. I don't hate people who are like, born with mental incapacities, like mental illnesses or birth defects or whatever, because I was born with problems and I know what it's like. But normal people that act dumb get on my nerves. If you don't have a medical excuse to be dumb, then don't be dumb. Simple.

Friday, August 14, 2009


Sometimes I seriously think I was born in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I mean, what happened to passion? What happened to people that would die for love, for life, and for death? What happened to people who are truly passionate about a cause they would die for? People don't care about anything these days, or so it seems. Seriously, they have to like something, right?

Now we don't seem to be passionate about anything. Friendships, love, studies, sport - none of it seems to be done with much enthusiasm. It's suddenly not cool to really really like something anymore. If you try hard at something, you're a creep. That's what it seems like. To spend more than three seconds on an essay is like social suicide here. There are only two options at school: you either have to hate the subject, or pretend you hate it.

Which is ironic, because apparently my school is elite. Bah.

Well, I'm different. I'm a passionate person. I believe there are some things worth living for, some things worth working for, some things worth dying for, and some things worth crying for. I'm not going to pretend that I don't give a toss about anything just to fit in.

I hate it when all these skinny, anorexic, make-up plastered girls look at me as though I'm an alien from outer space. Who cares if I only know about three different hairstyles? Who cares if I seriously can't be bothered putting makeup on anymore? Who cares if I actually want to pass school and get into college? They shouldn't, and I don't care if they do. But why do they keep staring, and gossiping, and whispering behind my back? It's not as though I don't notice. If they hate my guts they could at least keep it to themselves - I hate all of them, but I don't go right up to their face and say 'I hate you. You're a fugly anorexic bitch and you look like a wax model from Madame Taussauds'. Because that's what I feel like saying.

Sunday, August 09, 2009

Anti-Bullying Campaigns.

Anti-bullying campaigns piss me off.

You know why?

Because they're so cheesy and bubbly that they're more degrading than helpful.

Don't bully kids, it's not okay!
Bullying is naughty. Don't do it.
Only bad people bully, children. Good children work together and are happy!

What. The. Buck.

I get bullied. A lot. But adults just think it's a joke, or else they're seriously out of the loop. Do they really think they're going to enlighten teenagers with cheesy slogans like 'Only naughty people bully'? It's really degrading that the only people supporting people who get bullied are no-brainers.

Another ironic thing - most of these campaigns are run by teachers. Do you know how many teachers have tirelessly abused me throughout my entire schooling? These stupid campaigns don't even work on teachers, let alone students. My year co-ordinator made up the anti-bullying policy in our school, for chrissakes, and the moment he came back from watching the stupid Ashes he was interrogating me in his office, yet again.

What is the world coming to?

For one, they should change the word for bully. Bully sounds so stupid - its not a word that is taken seriously, like genocide or suicide. I mean, it's a big thing.

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Man Clothes.

Male characters are annoying.

Not that I don't like male characters, but they're just so hard to think up. You try thinking up an original, good-looking male character with an original wardrobe if you're a girl. It's hard. All of the male characters in my stories end up being pretty much exactly like Anakin Skywalker.

Female characters are so much easier. You can make them mischievious or pious, fat or skinny, pretty or ugly, rebellious or demure, the list goes on. I know lots of women, and I know lots about women, so inventing female characters is not hard.

I also draw lots of dresses for them - I get my inspiration from The Tudors series - the one with the too pretty Anne of Cleves. I don't claim to be a very good artist, and my dresses are therefore very simple, but I do like them.

Designing costumes for men is really impossible. You have to consider what a man of his rank would wear, without it being too ugly. How would he style his hair? Would he have a beard, or a mo? How long would they be? What is considered 'flattering' clothing for men? Most of my characters lived long ago, in a kind of European Renaissance inspired kingdom (although nowhere on earth), so I can't give him 'normal' 21st century clothes.

Needless to say, all my attempts at drawing original clothes for my male characters end up looking like Jedi robes. If Jedi robes hadn't been invented, all of my characters would be wearing them. But I can't. I have to be original.

Clothing for women reflects their preferences, their personality, their body shape, status, situation and emotions - there are a lot of factors taht influence clothing, especially in books or movies, where costumes must say what goes unspoken. For example, if a character is under considerable stress, or feels trapped by society, she may wear a bulky, unflattering, uncomfortable-looking grand corset, but if she feels free-spirited and care-free, she might wear a loose-fitting bodice in light, floaty colours. Little things like that make a big difference.

But how am I meant to know of the elements of a man that reflects his clothing? All the men I know are either unpleasant or bad dressers, and most of my guyfriends I have never seen out of school uniform. I have no brothers, and there are only two men in my household - one of which is a dog. Brilliant inspiration. Maybe one of my male characters should wear a poodle-haired coat.

Colours also very important in costumes - you can't have a bride wearing black, or someone who is in a difficult situation wearing floaty periwinkle blue. For me, colours on men just look, well, strange - there's one teacher in my school that wears red, pink and maroon all in one outfit, which might be fine on a woman, but he looks kinda...strange. My dad only ever wears GREY, for crying out loud.

And male names - they're virtually impossible. I can't name a male character to save myself, unless the story is set within 100 years of now in some Western civilized society - like America, Australia or England. I don't have any trouble naming male characters like that, but when you're trying to think of something unique, it's virtually impossible. And if you don't have a name for a particular character, especially if he is an important character, your story comes to a virtual standstill. You can't insert something generic in, because then you think about the character differently, as though he's some kind of stranger. When I know my character's personality, what they wear, and their names, I feel closer to them, and I write their story from the heart. If I just insert a random name, I distance myself from them, and it is very hard to write about something you do not feel close to.

I know for a lot of you this probably sounds like a load of garbage. If you want something a bit more entertaining to read, read one of my latest posts, 'Why Superhero Movies Suck'.

Sunday, August 02, 2009

Why Superhero Movies Suck.

I can't stand the old fashioned superhero movies - you know, the kind where this guy that is *apparently* hot flies around the world in his underpants and his grandma's sheets pinned to his back, and then he gets this girl who looks kind of stoned. The whole movie is shot in state-of-the-fail special effects, and every actor has the charisma of a cardboard box.

The revamps, I admit, are a lot better. At least they try and aim for some sort of realism.

If only that realism was actually realistic.

For one, it is not humanely possible for every superhero to look drop-dead gorgeous. Every once in a while, the big strong muscles have to be ugly. That's just that.

And for however cute the superhero may be, there is no way in hell I would fall for a guy who wears his underpants over a skin-tight body suit that shows exactly how much muscle and balls, or the lack of them, that the guy has. That's disgusting. Has Superman never heard of pants?

Why is it that none of the superheroes are female? None of the major ones, anyway. They make really good movies for all the male superhero - Catwoman was EPIC FAIL.

Can't the bad guy win for once? I know that's not really morale-lifting, but it's a movie, for Chrissakes. Everyone's gonna get bored of Batman winning, yet again, against another cartoon character. The Joker was truly terrifying. I'd love to see them pull off the Penguin the same way, if that's even possible.

Not all the damsel in distresses have to be sultry, sexy, (anorexic) brunettes. They don't even have to be flipping damsels in distress, anyway. Has no-one heard of feminism?

All these heroes - they never eat, sleep, workout, date, or go to the bathroom like normal people, with the sole exception being Christian Bale's Batman, who managed to do all of these except the last one. As super as all these superheroes may be, everyone needs to use the toilet every now and again.

And what is with the cheesy names? Like,

The list goes on. Batman would look fine if he didn't have two ears poking out of his helment (at least he doesn't wear visible jocks in the latest installation), and Spiders give me the creeps. I've never liked Spiderman much.

But Superman is the most unoriginal name ever. We've just thought up a new superhero, everybody! And because he's a superhero, and (apparently) a man, we're gonna call him SUPERMAN!

Wow. So flipping original.

Orginality is hard - I know that all too well. It's very easy to subconciously create a story that is just a rewritten Harry Potter, or Twilight.

But it doesn't have to be that boring.