"I don't think that being a strong person is about ignoring your emotions and fighting your feelings. Putting on a brave face doesn't mean you're a brave person. That's why everybody in my life knows everything that I'm going through. I can't hide anything from them. People need to realise that being open isn't the same as being weak."

- Taylor Swift

Monday, March 31, 2014

perfect in the distance

she was perfect in the distance
and i wanted to see her
so i took
one
     step
          closer

and i noticed the way her ankles rolled
in when she walked

she was perfect in the distance
and i wanted to meet her
so i took
one
     step
          closer

and i noticed a smudge of lipstick
on her nose

she was perfect in the distance
and i wanted to greet her
so i took
one
     step
          closer

and i noticed a little bald spot
on the back of her head

she was perfect in the distance
and i wanted to know her
so i took
one
     step
          closer

and i noticed a little red spot
on her chin

she was perfect in the distance
and i wanted to befriend her
so i took
one
     step
          closer

and i noticed a little roll of fat
spilling over her belt

she was perfect in the distance
and i wanted to like her
so i took
one
     step
          closer

and i noticed that her eyes
were red and sore

she was perfect in the distance
and i wanted to kiss her
so i took
one
     step
          closer

and i noticed her lips
trembled and bled

she was perfect in the distance
and i wanted to love her
so i took
one
     step
          closer

and i noticed the scars between her breasts
and along her wrists

she was perfect in the distance
and now she looked at me
like she needed me, desperately

but i took
eight
          steps
                    back

because she was perfect in the distance
and from a distance was the only way i loved her.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

pour mes hommes.

I have become a hoarder
Of pretty eyes and beautiful bodies
Of winks, and smiles, and laughter 
All for me, for me, for me

Words fly, and then sparks 
There is a kind of vicious thrill
To living so voluptuously 
To conversing so ferociously 
And it's all mine, all mine, all mine

For the first time in my life
You clutch coffee with me, with me, with me

I think of you in my sleep 
Warm arms and sweet words 
How many times I have been kissed
Loved, admired, adored
And not one of them hurt me
Not one, not one, not one. 

Friday, March 21, 2014

my pain is not beautiful.

My pain is not beautiful
It is terror and bloodcurdling rage
It is coldness and cruelty personified
It is a moan, low and desperate
It is a scream in the night

My pain is ugly, twisted scars
Tear stained pillows and shaking hands
It is deformed bodies and broken bones
Bruises and dried blood
It is words caught in my throat
Crippled nerves and bitter regret

My pain is laboured breath and restless longing
Demons in my head and hands around my neck
It is men with pretty eyes and hands that wander
And hearts that break, then break again

My pain is not beautiful.
I am.