"I don't think that being a strong person is about ignoring your emotions and fighting your feelings. Putting on a brave face doesn't mean you're a brave person. That's why everybody in my life knows everything that I'm going through. I can't hide anything from them. People need to realise that being open isn't the same as being weak."

- Taylor Swift

Sunday, February 28, 2010

My Long Weekend

Mood: inspired
Listening to: 'Teardrops On My Guitar' by Taylor Swift
Hungry for: dinner?

I am in the middle of a long weekend here. God knows why we have Monday off - and for goodness sake I don't care. Well, I'd prefer it if the day off was a Friday instead of a Monday, because Monday I have English and therefore is actually a worthwhile day of school wherelse Friday does not include English and therefore is not, but any day off of school is good, especially in the mind of a stressed schoolgirl.

I am not spending this long weekend like I normally do - eating junk food and watching movies, ignoring 'that sinking feeling' which is a side effect of overdue homework - instead, I took advantage of Perth's very limited festivity and went to the Perth Writer's Festival, which is part of the Perth International Arts Festival. I spent an hour there yesterday, a very long day there today and I'll be back again, tomorrow, for an even longer day.

This is a bit different to the average way an average fourteen year old spends an average summer long weekend - but I'm not a big fan of average, anyway. Some girls I know are going to a theme park tomorrow - and you may think it ridiculous that I'm going to some festival whilst I could go to a theme park. Well, firstly, I wasn't invited - I'm not normally invited to these kind of things, I'm considered too weird and most people are under the (mostly false) impression that I can't swim - and secondly, there is only one theme park here in Perth, and I've just been there a few weeks ago. The theme park here, which is imaginatively called 'Adventure World', is quite fun by Perth standards, but seeing as we only have the one park we have to be careful not to go there more than a couple of times a year or you risk boring yourself silly on one of our only entertainment sources.

Let me tell you about the festival. It's held at the University of Western Australia, which is WA's top university, and there are two major types of events - adults and kids.

I hate festivals that have adults and kids events. Do teenagers not matter anymore?

So I went to the adults sessions, and copped a lot of strange looks for being the youngest person in the room by about three decades. The audience was mainly old people, and when I mean old people I mean old to the point that they don't care that socks and sandals look stupid, and don't know that no matter how much purple eyeshadow and fuschia lipstick you have on you won't look twenty years younger. Yeah, that old.

I cannot adequately describe the feeling of being the youngest in pretty much everything in your life. I'm the youngest in my family, I take classes with kids in the year above me, and I do a lot of things considered "old" - which is not really intentional, I just don't like most things that entertain people of my age. In some ways, it's kinda fun - people tend to associate words like 'wise' and 'mature' with you (not entirely sure whether that's a good idea), and you get a bit of leeway for not having a clue what's going on, because you're young (which is not a valid excuse for playing SingStar, unfortunately). But in some ways it can be incredibly annoying - getting strange looks from old farts and grumpy grannies, getting your opinions dismissed because of your age, and of course, the teasing and dirty looks from people my age, who are, all in all, quite xenophobic.

Some sessions were very good - as in so fun and inspiring that you the crowds were erupting into applause every twenty seconds and you were rolling in the aisles in fits of laughter - and others had guest speakers with the public speaking ability of a toddler. So yeah, lots of variety.

Why do I go to these things? Partly because I'm a wannabe writer trying to get something published, and partly because I love the atmosphere of these kind of events. It's different to school because everyone is kind of forced to be there, and not everyone actually wants to be there. This event is voluntary, so people are willingly passionate. I love passionate people. There's not enough passion in the world.

So here are a couple of questions for you to ponder (and hopefully answer, in the comments). Do you think you are a passionate person? Do you have the strength to go against the flow? Have you ever been the youngest in a family, a class, or an organization? Do you get the same discrimination and reluctant awe from others like I do?

Friday, February 26, 2010


Mood: musicky (I know that's not a word!)
Listening to: 'Cold As You' by Taylor Swift...I should have listened to this song about three months ago and saved myself from a very painful breakup.
Hungry for: dinner....

Every month, I'm gonna release a playlist of what I'm listening to. New thing.

This month (in no particular order):

1. One Less Lonely Girl, Justin Bieber (yes, I listen to Justin Bieber. Get over it.)
2. One Time, Justin Bieber
3. Change, Taylor Swift
4. I'd Lie, Taylor Swift
5. Invisible, Taylor Swift
6. Cold As You, Taylor Swift
7. I Heart Question Mark, Taylor Swift
8. Your Anything, Taylor Swift
9. Halo, Beyonce
10. Art of Love, Guy Sebastian ft. Jordin Sparks

Aaaand...that's basically it. My absolute favourite songs of this month.

Song Talk

Mood: confuzzlement
Listening to: 'Invisible' by Taylor Swift
Hungry for: love

I just wanna show you,
She don't even know you,
She can't even love you like I want to.
And you just see right through me,
But if you only knew me,
We could be a beautiful, miracle, unbelievable...
...instead I'm just invisible....
- Invisible, Taylor Swift

He stands there, then walks away;
My God, if I could only say:
'I'm holding every breath for you...'
He'd never tell you,
But he can play guitar;
I think he can see through everything but my heart.
First thought when I wake up,
Is 'My God, he's beautiful',
As I put on my makeup,
And pray for a miracle...
- I'd Lie, Taylor Swift

I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night,
I'm the one that makes you laugh when you know you're about to cry;
I know your favourite songs,
And you tell me 'bout your dreams,
Think I know where you belong,
Think I know it's with me....
- You Belong With Me, Taylor Swift

When you come to me and say some other girl has broke your heart once again,
Will you ever learn?
All this time I've been patiently hoping that you would notice me;
You need to know that I've been waiting so long....
- Been Waiting, Jessica Mauboy

I could be your favourite blue jeans with the holes in the knees in the bottom of the top draw,
I could be a little beauty queen, just a little out of reach, or the girl living next door.
I'll be your angel giving up her wings if that's what you need,
I'd give everything to be your anything.
- Your Anything, Taylor Swift

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar,
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart;
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do.
He's the time taken up,
But there's never enough,
And he's all that I need to fall into....
- Teardrops on My Guitar, Taylor Swift.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Why are we, in this day and age, learning from and idoliziong misogynistic bastards?

Mood: zonked
Listening to: 'Iris' by the Goo Goo Dolls
Hungry for: milk

I am, as of this semester, a year ten Philosophy student. We're studying theories proposed by the famous Greek philosophers - Socrates and Aristotle, mostly, but we briefly covered Plato.

The thing that annoys me the most is that two out of the three are MISOGYNISTIC BASTARDS.

Part of this annoyance comes from the fact that I am a staunch feminist, and I refuse to recognise, let alone learn from and idolize, any bastard who is so f**ked up that they cannot even see the true value of the female sex and the equality that should be between the two sexes. I don't care if that's the main mindset of the Ancient Greeks. Philosopher's are meant to go against the norm - Socrates was put to death 'for corrupting the youth', so it wasn't like he wasn't used to being the red fish, as I like to call it. There is no excuse for misogyny, and all misogynists should go F**KING DIE IN A HOLE.

But the other thing is, I believe that the only credible philosophers are those who are completely unbiased - you cannot really count the opinion of anyone who is rascist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, etc. I mean, a biased opinion is not a good opinion, so why bother learning about it? The only times I swear and say the 'f' word is when it comes to sexism and rascism. I can't believe in this day and age we're still idolizing sexist f**kheads.

Which is why I no longer count myself as a Buddhist - because, however enlightened Buddha was, he was still misogynistic. When will women have their place in the world? When someone as esteemed and enlightened as Buddha places men above women, then you know this world is f**ked up.


Mood: well-fed
Listening to: 'One Less Lonely Girl' by Justin Bieber
Hungry for: dessert

I must say, I'm very proud of my blog. It is about two and a half years old now, and it's more successful than I ever hoped for it to be. It's really boosted my confidence in my writing, improved my writing skills and fine-tuned my abilities to entertain, and been an essential lifeline during times of pain and stress.

For my new readers, here is the history of the blog:

I've always been a sort of angsty, opinionated kind of person, and I got into all sorts of trouble by voicing my opinions in rather crude and uncivilized means at school. As I grew older, my opinions became more defined and my belief in them much more religious. I needed an outlet for all of my opinions. I wanted to show however small a percentage of the world's population that cared what I thought.

Growing up, I'd always been the 'weird' kid. I didn't conform to your stereotypical nerd image - I was studious but I also cared obsessively about my appearance, I was bookish but also involved in all sorts of societies and clubs - and I copped a lot of teasing from my classmates - a mixture of the thuggish seeking ego boosting, the cruel preying on the week, jealous rivals and confused xenophobics. This did nothing other than to make myself even more eccentric and different.

Also, growing up, I was obsessed with being recognised and rewarded for my efforts and talents. Nothing would tick me off than missing out on an award that I thought I deserved - which happened often, because I grew up in a rather xenophobic and rasicst school - in fact, I was passed over for the English Award at primary school graduation, and I was so disappointed that I couldn't sing the graduation song and graduated crying. You might think that's petty, and what I'm about to say is arrogant, but I truly deserved that award. I worked so hard for it - it was like training and competing the Olympics, and then being told you're not going to be given the medal because you weren't the stereotype for the winner of the event. I was told later that it was because I was obsessed with the Twilight series, but I figured out later that the main reason was because I was always at loggerheads with the teachers, and because I was Asian. I hoped that, since my school had failed to recognise me, that maybe the world would.

So I started my blog. Blogger was the most practical choice, because it was free, easy to access and easy to use. So my blog, which was then called 'The Secret World of a Misunderstood Writer', was born in October 2008, a few months before primary school graduation.

My web alter-ego, Lady Renegade, is basically a louder version of me - my inner persona unleashed. Lady Renegade lives purely off the passion and dedication I have to keep suppressed so much in the real world - Lady Renegade helps me live the life I wish I could live. A little insight into how I created the name - the 'Lady' part comes from the fact that I come from Korean nobility on my paternal side, and also has some feminist undertones, and 'Renegade' is just a fancy word for 'rebel', which is essentially what I am - or, at least, what Lady Renegade is. I am only Lady Renegade on the web - at school I almost forget about the connection. But, Lady Renegade is my best friend in times of need - she helps me to battle on. Is she and I one and the same? That's what I've been asking myself since I created Lady Renegade.

My first blog posts were, I admit, rather childish, but the time I started my blog also marked one of my first bad experiences with boys - the infamous BSC. This blog has essentially been there for me ever since the drama began.

And so the blog began to progress, and as it got more popular from my Wikipedia buddies (I used to edit Wikipedia for fun, and use my Wikipedia page as a MySpace page so much to the point I got blocked for being useless), word of mouth and my persistent advertising at my school. I gained a lot of enemies from this blog, but I stuck to posting about how I saw the world - no-one could stop me. That's one of the things I love about blogging. You feel invincible, and it's a very good bullying repellant - because where teachers fail, blogging doesn't.

In September last year, I changed the blog name to 'This Is How a Renegade Thinks', and formatted my blog pretty much how it is now, only the background was black. I changed the name one, because The Secret World of a Misunderstood Writer is a huge tongue twister, and two, because I didn't really feel like my world was so secret anymore - I liked having my opinions out in the open. I changed the background to black because at that point in time, I was going through a couple of rough patches with my (now ex) best friend. In December, I rechristened it Tempestuous (I wrote a post about the name change in the December archives) and at some point I changed the background to white, because people were complaining they couldn't read it and that I was emo.

I think my writing has really improved because of my blogging, and I feel a lot healthier having an outlet for all my anger and passion - keeping it bottled up was like a time bomb, just waiting to explode at any given moment. My list of Followers has increased steadily, now at twenty (I never dreamed it would get to this number, but now I'm thinking big - 100 followers) and I now get traffic from all over the world, also something I never thought would happen (I doubted it would ever get out of Australia, but now most of my readers are from the U.S).

I'd like to thank everyone who has kept this blog running - that is, you. I want to thank you for reading my writing, and appreciating a different, slightly darker, take on life. Without you, this blog would be just like most of the other high school blogs - a crash and burn sort of thing, where the only readers are the occasional sympathetic friend. I thank you for supporting me in times of pain, and I thank you for being there to share my times of joy. I hope you'll continue to follow me as I try to find my place in the world. Thank you for letting me dream big. I love you all.


Public Speaking

Mood: tired
Listening to: 'Picture To Burn' by Taylor Swift
Hungry for: dinner...

I used to be terrible at public speaking. I'd stutter, ramble off into various realms of confusion, and talk for too long.

So I thought, after I'd handed in my subject selections, that I was an idiot for choosing 'Public Speaking' as my first English course choice.

But, surprisingly, it was one of the best school decision I've made.

For starters, my classmates are great. There is so much energy in the room, the moment you walk in - it's relaxed, yet you can almost feel the passion and dedication radiating out of all of them. And my teacher is super awesome. He's one of those relaxed teachers that can keep the class in check without any effort, the kind of teacher that is energetic and exciting without being overkill and tacky. He's the kind of teacher we all wish we had for every single lesson of every single day.

So my public speaking skills have improved a lot. I actually like giving presentations now, and I put a great deal of effort into making my presentations and speeches original and entertaining.

Today I had to do three presentations: a project on Natalie Portman for Career Studies in Health (we had to research a gifted and talented person who is successful in their career field), an impromptu speech for the floor debate of our Oxford Chamber Debates in English, and a Science presentation. Compared to my long winded, boring, stuttering dronings of last year, I thought my presentations were pretty good - especially the Science one, which I pulled together in a very short space of time. Because I have subjects in two grades - I kind of half-skipped a grade - the Health and English presentations were presented to the older year group, and the Science presentation was presented to the kids my age.

I wish my grade had as much energy as the grade above. Not that it's a bad thing to just sit and silently absorb everything, but things are so much fun when people cheer or boo and give you loud, often wildly out of proportion criticisms and praises. It's so much fun, you know, to get feedback. If all I get are a bunch of blank, dead looks, a half-hearted applause and an awkward silence when I say 'any questions?', then I might as well present my speech to my old dolls, who at least have a permanent painted smile.

I dunno. I'm a passionate person. I know this is nerdy, but I like seeing A's and 99's and 100's on my papers. I like getting praise from teachers and stuff like that. I like working towards things and feeling proud of what I can do. But all I get are dirty looks, rude remarks and teachers who think I'm arrogant, which I get punished for. But I know it's not arrogance, it's passion. I know I'm smart. I like that I'm smart. And that's not a bad thing. Because it's not a lie. I know what I'm bad at, too - I know it all too well - so I'm not a know-it-all, nor do I pretend to be. I know there are people who are so inanely jealous of my rewards, but it's because I work hard for what I get, and I'm not afraid to ask for things that wouldn't be presented to me on a silver platter. I know there are people who overlook my passion and accuse me of being stuck up and arrogant, but those people don't matter, and I don't care. Every day, I thank the world for my talents, for making me strong and proud, and every day, I thank the world for my shortcomings, for making me humble. Contrary to popular belief, just because I'm an atheist doesn't mean I believe in self-worship or that I am some kind of demi-god. I just know that what I get in the world is what I work for, and I believe no amount of God is going to help me.

I don't think I should get punished for that.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Amberrrrr and Clairrrrre

Mood: exhausted
Listening to: 'I Won't Say I'm In Love' from Hercules
Hungry for: dinner!

This post is dedicated to Amber and Claire, the two most awesomest people in the WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD my year ten buddies who ROCK MY SOCKS OF BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Claire: I WON'T SAY I'M IN LOVE!!!!!!

Amber: Coolbeans hair, dude.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

The Subtlety of Evil

Mood: tired
Listening to: 'Am I Not Pretty Enough?' by Kasey Chambers
Hungry for: milk

I am not a very subtle person. This often gets me into trouble, and into embarassing situations. Ask Crunchie.

But I've also noticed that the most evil of people who haunt the schoolyard and makes the word 'school' synonymous to 'hell' have mastered the art of subtlety to perfection.

It is, as you will agree, very easy to 'dob' on someone if they've punched you in the nose, and easier still to architect their punishment and social downfall. It is also easy to incriminate someone if they call you a slut or something like that.

But a small, snide comment is harder to blame - yet, if said often enough, the impact is devastatingly huge. And since when has it been a crime to exclude, or do all those other subtle things that are so hard to describe, and therefore so hard to avenge? They're not criminal acts, sure, but they still hurt. And they get away with it, that's the sick thing.

There are always going to be idiots that do the most blatantly obvious things, but I go to an elite school. There, the bullies are not so dumb. They do things they know they'll get away with, things they know will have huge impact on a person's morale and self-esteem. I call it sly bullying. It's the kind of bullying I've suffered for nearly a decade now, and it's the kind of thing I've rarely been able to report, so I'll have to weather it out...for how long? When will subtlety die?

Saturday, February 20, 2010


To live,
You need only to breathe in and out,
To find the means to feed and water yourself,
If lucky,
Get fed and watered by others.

But to truly live,
To truly live and breathe the passion that humans have nearly lost,
You must feel the wind in your hair,
The beat of your heart,
The fire in your soul,
And the power in your mind.
It's the spirit we've nearly forgot,
It's hard to keep the spark alive.
When the winds howl so violently,
It's hard to stay alive,
When the spark is nearly out.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010


Mood: revolutionary
Listening to: 'Forever & Always' by Taylor Swift
Hungry for: milk

I used to dismiss masculism, but now, I think, I am beginning to take it seriously. I accept that there are some things that women get a bit more leeway on then men - and of course, this needs immediate attention on a global scale. Human rights, for men and women, should always be moving forward.

One thing all of us, feminist or masculist, man or woman, must refrain from, is chauvinism. There is not one race or sex that is better than the others. The world will be a better place when every man, woman and child accepts that.

But you must agree, that men, compared to women, have had it quite easy, all in all. There are the biological things that no-one can change, like pregnancy and childbirth and the endless monthly hormone rollercoaster, but then there are the things that we can change - the atrocious defiance of the most basic human rights to women in third-world countries, ruled by ignorant thugs who seek to suppress those who are blamed for what they are born to be, and the sexual discrimination that exists today even in modern-day, civilized society. Women's rights to education is still a long way behind the rights of education granted to men, with tertiary education only available to women in the 1900's and even now still denied to a significant percentage of the female population. Masculists cannot dismiss or criticise the feminist cause, and feminists cannot dismiss or criticise the masculist cause. We should work together, to secure equal rights for all, forever.

Don't forget to check out my new blog, It's A Crazy Dream, to follow me as I read the Telegraph's Top 100 Novels of All Time.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Hello World.

Hello World,

This is me. I am a woman.

The feminist movement is still alive, and modern society is crushing it. Why? Because they think it should be over. That the war is won.

But the war is not won! The world does not see the gross inequality that still stands today. Only rarely do you hear tales of *men* being slighted and raped and murdered in their beds, yet these stories are of every day occurence as far as *women* are concerned.

When men think of women's rights, they think of their bosses, their managers - some of which may be female. They see this as sufficient evidence of the success of the suffragette movement. But it is not! They do not think of the suppressed women in Afghanistan and other places, they do not think of the discrimination that still exists, even in the most refined streets of the most sophisticated societies. They do not think of the tremendous pressures of the ever-raising benchmarks set by men of the impossible Image of Beauty that we are all forced to conform to.

And then there are those other men, who think that a woman's place is grovelling on their knees at the feet of men, forever at their beck and call, forever the slaves of the opposite sex. One day, when your miserable life is over, then God, or Karma, or whatever you believe if you are human enough to believe, will make you live once again, but as a woman. Then you will see how pleasureable it is to be enslaved by those who should be our equals.

There are also women, who oppose our fight for freedom. Some are brainwashed by the evils of some members of mankind, and others wrongly believe that feminists mean to control the world! We do not strive for something that would surely spell catastrophe. We have had many millenia dictated by one sex, and we need not endure another millenia dictated by the other. We strive to move forwards into an equal and glorious future, man and woman, hand in hand. Feminists, my sisters, believe in equality for all - man, woman, black, white. It is ignorance, evil, and cruelty that keeps womankind always a step behind the snobbish noses of men. The feminist movement is now larger than ever. We have not only strong and brave women, but also the aid of some men who have come to their senses, to fight against the long and inhumane disregard for the most basic of human rights. The right to live, the right to die. The right to work, the right to rest. The right to freedom, the right to happiness, the right to power, to authority, and to a home. The right to love, and to be loved. Let all these rights be shared by all.

I am a woman, a proud woman, a wronged woman. I would gladly die for my cause. And if I do, I will watch from Paradise as all those who turned against me are burned in the Flames of Hell.

My English course this semester is Public Speaking, and I think it's rubbed off on me a bit. Any feedback on my speech would be absolutely fabulous.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Valentine's Day

Mood: sleepy
Listening to: 'One Less Lonely Girl' by Justin Bieber (again)
Hungry for: nothin'.

I personally don't like Valentine's Day. I guess the most common term for my attitude is sour grapes. It's true. I hoped I would have spent this Valentine's Day with my (now) ex-boyfriend, but seeing as he dumped me three days after he asked me out (all on msn), this looks like another solitary February the fourteenth.

In truth, I am a diehard romantic. I'm probably the only romantic that doesn't like Valentine's Day. So, I'm gonna talk about something that I haven't talked about in a very long time: boys.

I, like most girls my age, have my own idea of My Perfect Man. It's very idealistic. The bad boy, darker than the stereotype surfer dude, who knows how to have fun but still maintain those cute, old-fashioned things - like walking curbside and opening doors for girls. That kind of guy. No matter what kind of ego bashing all sorts of boys have given me, I still maintain that getting My Perfect Man is not too much to ask of life. In fact, one of my best ways of getting over guys is something along the lines of 'because this hurt so bad the guy I'll one day get will be super, super, perfect.'

Most girls my age who are as ambitious and (dare I say it?) clever as me think themselves above boys, but I don't. IQ aside, I'm just like the other girls when it comes to Valentine's Day - watching rom-coms and playing with my dog and dreaming about getting all of those cheesy tacky things that you see girls get on Valentine's Day - pink balloons and red roses and big heart-shaped boxes of chocolates.

I'm not too proud to admit that.

In my previous post I mentioned that I would love a Valentine to sing 'One Less Lonely Girl' for me on Valentine's Day. Why? Because the lyrics are so sweet. And also because I know it will never happen, because I know boys only do that kind of shit in movies or for money. But here are the lyrics:

One Less Lonely Girl' by Justin Bieber

Alright let's go
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
There's gonna be one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl

How many 'I told you'’s and start overs
And shoulders have you cried on before?
How many promises, be honest girl,
How many tears you let hit the floor?
How many bags you packed,
Just to take ‘em back, tell me that,
How many 'either or''s but no more;
If you let me inside of your world,
There'll be the one less lonely girl

Saw so many pretty faces before I saw you,
Now all I see is you,
I'm coming for you
No, no
Don't need these other pretty faces like I need you;
And when you’re mine, in the world,
There's gonna be one less lonely girl.
(I'm coming for you) One less lonely girl,
(I'm coming for you) One less lonely girl,
(I'm coming for you)One less lonely girl,
There's gonna be one less lonely girl (I'm coming for you),
I'm gonna put you first (I'm coming for you),
I'll show you what you're worth (That's what I'm gonna do),
If you let me inside your world,
There’s gonna be one less lonely girl.

Christmas wasn’t merry, 14th of February not one of them spent with you.
How many dinner dates, set dinner plates and
He didn’t even touch his food.
How many torn photographs saw you taping back,
Tell me that couldn’t see an open door,
But no more;
If you let me inside of your world,
There'll be one less lonely girl.

Saw so many pretty faces
Before I saw you you,
Now all I see is you.
I'm coming for you, I'm coming for you.
No, no,
Don't need these other pretty faces like I need you.
And when you’re mine, in this world;
There’s gonna be one less lonely girl.
(I'm coming for you)One less lonely girl,
(I'm coming for you)One less lonely girl,
(I'm coming for you)One less lonely girl,
(There's gonna be) One less lonely girl,
(I'm coming for you) I'm gonna put you first,
(I'm coming for you) I'll show you what you’re worth;
(Thats what I'm gonna do)If you let me inside of your world,
There's gonna be one less lonely girl.

I can fix up your broken heart
I can give you a brand new start
I can make you believe (yeah)
I just wanna set one girl free to fall,
Free to fall (she's free to fall)
Fall in love
With me

Her hearts locked and nowhere to get the key,
I’ll take her and leave the world with one less lonely girl.

There’s gonna be one less lonely girl (one less lonely girl)
One less lonely girl (one less lonely girl)
There’s gonna be one less lonely girl (one less lonely girl)
One less lonely girl
(I'm coming for you)One less lonely girl
(I'm coming for you) One less lonely girl
(I'm coming for you)One less lonely girl
Theres gunna be one less lonely girl (I'm coming for you)
I'm gunna put you first (I'm coming for you)
I'll show you what your worth (That's what I gotta do)
If you let me inside your world
There's gonna be one less lonely girl

Friday, February 12, 2010

Men in Lingerie Stores

Mood: dead beat
Listening to: 'One Less Lonely Girl' by Justin Bieber (someone must sing that for me one day. That would be the ultimate Valentine's day present)
Hungry for: ramen noodles. Korean ramen noodles are the best - they're like instant noodles, but in flavours like kimchi and claypot and udon, not wussy flavours like chicken. Oh, and the packets are like, supersized compared to the midget Maggi ones.

I hate lingerie stores. I mean, the stuff they sell pretty much puts the women's liberation movement back about a hundred years. I mean, most sane women don't buy naughty nurse costumes on Halloween or black lace on Valentines Day.

But, sometimes, lingerie stores are unavoidable - just one of the many inconveniences of being a women. And it's kind of embarassing, being seen in a store selling stuff that is normally covered by jeans and sweatshirts.

But I hate, hate, hate men in lingerie stores. And there is always at least one of them in there, trailing after their girlfriend who's lost her head (who on earth would let a man follow you into a lingerie store?) poking around. It's disgusting and embarassing. I mean, you don't let men into the female bathrooms, so why should they go into a lingerie store? It's revolting. They take bras off the hangers and squeeze them, or run their fingers through piles of lace. I can't touch or try on or even contemplate buying anything I see a guy touch, and most other women in the store feel the same.

I think men should be barred from entering lingerie stores, just like they're barred from female toilets. It's not sexist or anything, it's just revolting! As far as I know guys don't have anything that private to buy, so I can't make comparisons, but I guess you could say that seeing a man in a lingerie store is like seeing a full-grown man in the women's conveniences. Not nice. And men don't need anything in lingerie stores for themselves, and I personally say that if any boyfriend of mine bought me lingerie I wouldn't be very impressed. There are more sensible things, to buy in more sensible places, for a loved one.

Maybe I'm being overly conservative, and if anyone reads this from my school rumours are going to go around that I'm frigid. I don't care. I may be a wild child, but I just think the Y chromosone shouldn't really be in lingerie stores. Male staff in lingerie stores are even worse, but don't let me get started on that.

Please send all hate mail to chiyoko.hine@gmail.com under the subject 'Lady Renegade is effed up'. Thank you.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Parents Interfering

Mood: tired
Listening to: 'Hypocrite' by Skye Sweetnam
Hungry for: dinner...still...

There are many kids at my school who transfer out of courses constantly - and it's not because they make lots of bad choices. It's because parents, as usual, are being their usual busybodying self, and forced them to do courses that they don't want to do.

I know my parents, for example, won't force me to do something ridiculous, like Elite Maths, because it would make my life an utter misery. My parents are not so narrow minded as to limit my career options to being a doctor or a lawyer, like the parents of lots of kids I know do.

I mean, I see kids in Economics class quite literally banging their heads on the table with frustration. I see people at the back of Music, flicking bits of paper at the teacher. These people are not only learning nothing, they're affecting the learning of others who might actually want to learn.

So parents are not being very considerate here - they're not considerate about their own kids, or others. What kind of example is that to set for us?

Students that Piss Me Off

Mood: in love...with who?
Listening to: 'One Less Lonely Girl' by Justin Bieber
Hungry for: dinner!

I am an advocate for children's, young adult's and students rights, and I normally side with students and do hate rants on teachers. But today I've found one of the few legitimate reasons why many teachers are the sadistic idiots they are.

Idiotic students.

I mean, in our school, there is no legitimate reason to be dumb. We're all chosen for our academic excellence, so you have to be good at something. And it's pretty pointless trying to act dumb, either, because one, it's not sexy, two, it's not cool, and three, it's kinda pointless in a school that is recognised like, across the globe, as an academically elite school. I would never act dumb to get a bigger circle of friends, or to get a boyfriend. It's not like both of those things aren't important to me, but being true to myself is my first priority.

That's not really the case for most of my classmates. Most of them don't think about the life they'll have after high school - they don't see that stratigically-made high school friendships with the most popular people aren't going to do anything for you in the long run, and it's not the end of the world if you don't have a boyfriend before you graduate. I know it seems like an easy thing to do - lose yourself and go with the flow to get a bit of popularity - but I wish people would look at the bigger picture.

Or, at least, stop annoying the hell out of everybody else.

There's a boy at the back of my science class who acts super dumb. He talks back to the teacher, makes smart-ass comments and either responds to a question as though it's the easiest thing on earth, or look at the teacher as though she's speaking Arabic or something. It's enough to drive anyone mad. And it's not funny. It's really not funny. It pisses the teacher off and then we have to put up with a pissed-off teacher.

I don't mind that people don't care about their lives or their future. But they should at least care for other people, then. Care enough not to go out of their way to make life hell.

Sunday, February 07, 2010

Officially 14!

Mood: loca (a la Juana la Loca)
Listening to: 'Change' (still!) by Taylor Swift
Hungry for: milk. I'm such a child. I eat milk and cookies almost every night, and I know it all goes to my love handles. But I love it.

I'm officially fourteen! My birthday was two days ago, on the fifth, and I spent the time chipping my nail polish wrestling with crabs, eating Chinese roast duck and, tonight, roast pork, English style. That's my idea of a good birthday.

It's unseasonably cold for February - I was born in searing heat and my birthday has always been on a day where the mercury hits at least 35 - but this year it is quite cool - cool enough for me to wear my Oxford sweatshirt and sleep with a winter quilt. How strange.

I love being fourteen - I feel much more in control of my life this year than I did last year. People could do things to me when I was thirteen that I will not allow now that I am fourteen. I hope this year will be a happy one, and wash away last year's pain.

In other news, I encourage you all to watch a Spanish film called Juana La Loca, which follows the life of Queen Joan of Castile, who is more famously known as 'Joanna the Mad'. Brilliant, passionate movie.

Saturday, February 06, 2010

Oxford University

Mood: tired
Listening to: 'Change' (still) by Taylor Swift
Hungry for: dinner

I've mentioned before that I am an Oxford wannabe, but now, as I enter a time in my schooling when the impossible seems quite possible but the possible is starting to seem impossible, this inane desire to somehow get to Oxford University is consuming me in ways that I cannot really explain. It's more than a petty demand, it's something more. It's been quite a big part of my life since I was a little girl, but now it's constantly in my mind. It's driving me to push myself to do things I never thought I could do. I'm no longer content with being good, or even exceptional...I want to be the best, the very best. I will accept nothing less than the very best of myself. I don't care if my dream of Oxford drives me mad. The sane never make it to the history books, anyway.

I no longer care about boys or friendships I know will never last. Oxford, for me, is do or die. The rest can wait. True friends, and true love, will support me. The rest, I know, I have to leave behind.

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

"Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn."

Mood: elated
Listening to: 'Change' by Taylor Swift
Hungry for: dessert

Have you ever had one of those days where everything just seems to go your way? Like not just little things, big things - big things that changes your life.

I've just had one of those days, after such a long time of restless unfulfillment. Things are finally going my way.

This is a Ben Franklin quote: "Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn." It's so true. Teachers can lecture, and it'll go in one ear and out the other, and therefore it's really all their fault that we fail. They didn't appeal to our most basic human instincts - the desire to be stimulated, entertained, challenged. If you teach me something, I'll remember it, but I probably won't understand it and I definitely won't be interested in it. A teacher must *involve* - that is the true definition of teaching. These are the kind of people I was working with today. People who are open to other options, value my opinion, and don't think they're superior and that I'm just an insignificant nothing - which is more, much more, than what I can say about most teachers I've worked with. And we've all come to a pretty exciting conclusion - this really is a turning point in my life. I feel like I'm going somewhere, like I have clear, achievable, realistic goals - not fantasies and dreams that have no grounding or sense of reality. Life has meaning again, and my sacrifice - of social normality and security, of friendships and relationships - now seems quite worthy of my cause. It actually seems like a small price, for what I can become and what I am becoming. What I'm working towards - it's bigger than trifle things like flimsy high school friendships and teenage boys. It's my life - and what I give up now is what others have to give up in the future, when problems become bigger and harder to solve.

Have you ever had one of these days? If so, what was it about?