Public Speaking

Mood: tired
Listening to: 'Picture To Burn' by Taylor Swift
Hungry for: dinner...

I used to be terrible at public speaking. I'd stutter, ramble off into various realms of confusion, and talk for too long.

So I thought, after I'd handed in my subject selections, that I was an idiot for choosing 'Public Speaking' as my first English course choice.

But, surprisingly, it was one of the best school decision I've made.

For starters, my classmates are great. There is so much energy in the room, the moment you walk in - it's relaxed, yet you can almost feel the passion and dedication radiating out of all of them. And my teacher is super awesome. He's one of those relaxed teachers that can keep the class in check without any effort, the kind of teacher that is energetic and exciting without being overkill and tacky. He's the kind of teacher we all wish we had for every single lesson of every single day.

So my public speaking skills have improved a lot. I actually like giving presentations now, and I put a great deal of effort into making my presentations and speeches original and entertaining.

Today I had to do three presentations: a project on Natalie Portman for Career Studies in Health (we had to research a gifted and talented person who is successful in their career field), an impromptu speech for the floor debate of our Oxford Chamber Debates in English, and a Science presentation. Compared to my long winded, boring, stuttering dronings of last year, I thought my presentations were pretty good - especially the Science one, which I pulled together in a very short space of time. Because I have subjects in two grades - I kind of half-skipped a grade - the Health and English presentations were presented to the older year group, and the Science presentation was presented to the kids my age.

I wish my grade had as much energy as the grade above. Not that it's a bad thing to just sit and silently absorb everything, but things are so much fun when people cheer or boo and give you loud, often wildly out of proportion criticisms and praises. It's so much fun, you know, to get feedback. If all I get are a bunch of blank, dead looks, a half-hearted applause and an awkward silence when I say 'any questions?', then I might as well present my speech to my old dolls, who at least have a permanent painted smile.

I dunno. I'm a passionate person. I know this is nerdy, but I like seeing A's and 99's and 100's on my papers. I like getting praise from teachers and stuff like that. I like working towards things and feeling proud of what I can do. But all I get are dirty looks, rude remarks and teachers who think I'm arrogant, which I get punished for. But I know it's not arrogance, it's passion. I know I'm smart. I like that I'm smart. And that's not a bad thing. Because it's not a lie. I know what I'm bad at, too - I know it all too well - so I'm not a know-it-all, nor do I pretend to be. I know there are people who are so inanely jealous of my rewards, but it's because I work hard for what I get, and I'm not afraid to ask for things that wouldn't be presented to me on a silver platter. I know there are people who overlook my passion and accuse me of being stuck up and arrogant, but those people don't matter, and I don't care. Every day, I thank the world for my talents, for making me strong and proud, and every day, I thank the world for my shortcomings, for making me humble. Contrary to popular belief, just because I'm an atheist doesn't mean I believe in self-worship or that I am some kind of demi-god. I just know that what I get in the world is what I work for, and I believe no amount of God is going to help me.

I don't think I should get punished for that.