It is possible to feel alone in the crowd, you know. It happens to me. All the time.
I have all these friends that say 'hi' and 'how you goin'?', but nothing else. I never get invited to parties, or outings. All my so called 'friends' all come back from watching the latest cartoon, and not one of them bothered to ask me. I'd rather not have any friends.
It's not my fault I enjoy my own company. When I'm with people, I'm constantly scrutinized - when I'm with people, especially girls of my own age, I feel like I'm being analyzed like some specimen, and it makes me feel insecure.
But it's suddenly not cool to be good at anything anymore, or bad at anything. Strictly average is the new cool. Saying something is cool is not cool anymore either. I haven't got time to keep up with that junk. All I'm worrying about lately is my grades and dodging annoying teachers, and graduation and Oxford. I still have time for friends, but I don't have any.
I don't believe in changing yourself for friends - and I'm not, at least to extremities. I tried that before - I tried being a brainless anorexic barbie, and it didn't work. I've improved myself and I keep improving, but I am who I am. I have as many flaws and as many talents as any other person. Yet every other person has friends. I don't.
Everyone protests 'but I'm your friend', but are they? Friends don't make friends do all the work in a group project. Friends don't leave friends out of outings and parties. Friends aren't just friendly when they feel like it, or when it suits them.
Friends don't leave friends out in the dark.
5 comments:
You have me right here!
C.S
Aww, I'd have to disagree with the majority of your post.
I do hate those so called "friends" who turn around and leave you out but maybe you just haven't found the right ones.
I have many "friends" who wouldn't give a second thought about me either, but the few true friends I have found I stick to even though I often see too many flaws in them.
Friends can't be perfect, and neither can you.
Sometimes the way you act seems very different from the intelligent, critical thinking person that you show on here and sometimes it scares off people and because they don't understand you they make up stories to fill gaps as you know, saying what a show off or freak you are.
You can show them its not true though.
You are a nice person though and don't think like that, that the whole world is against you.
There are people out there who WILL respect you for who you are.
What's up with that 'Aww'?
I agree with Anonymous. Friends are different to that.
Ok so I know your feeling lonely and stuff and I'm very sorry for that but a bit rash to say you just assume your going to go to Oxford. I mean have some sort of modesty
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