1. Guyliner.
Guyliner is really only cool if you're in an emo band or...actually, not even that. Guys just can't wear eyeliner - the only guys who get away with wearing eyeliner are those really cool Spanish guys who look like they're born with natural eyeliner, in which case they don't need anymore. Guys can't wear eyeliner in the same way guys can't wear bras. That, my friend, is just that.
2. Really, really, really, really skinny jeans.
I don't care if it makes your package look ten times bigger (if that is true, then it must be tiny) or if you've got Helena Christensen's legs, really skinny jeans are just not cool, especially if they're bright coloured and have ludicrous belts and tucked in shirts. Bleurgh.
3. Really, really, really, really disgusting jeans.
The occasional rip looks cool, but when your jeans have a hole from hip to toe and shows off half your arse then you just look revolting. There's a fine line between daredevil and bogan and excessively horrible jeans are in the wrong category. Wash your jeans regularly, don't deliberately attack them with a steak knife and if you want distressed jeans, buy distressed jeans - the shops normally know what they're doing, even if you don't.
4. That stupid hair flip thing.
The only remedy for this is a proper haircut. Granted, the Bieber look looks good on some people - probably not Bieber, but anyway - but if it's so long that it reaches your elbows than hair flipping just makes you look like a pissed off donkey. Also, having a fringe of a wild boar when you have a buzz cut just looks like you fell asleep at the hairdressers and the stylist was drunk and seeking revenge. The only guy I know who can do that hair flip thing who doesn't make me want to punch him in the face is this guy I know with Terettes - yeah, he only gets away with it because he can't help it. You can.
5. Pants that basically hang mid-thigh.
Granted, perhaps high-waisted trends haven't really hit the Y-chromosone in a big way since the 70's, but that's no excuse for confusing your waist with your knees. The seat of your jeans is designed to fit, well, your seat, not your ankles.
6. Childish cartoon T-shirts
Only look cool on Sheldon Cooper. Look at all the guys that girls have lusted over in the last decade...Harry Potter, Stefan Salvatore, Edward Cullen - not one of them has been caught dead (or undead) wearing a Teh Cake Is A Lie LOL shirt.
7. You gotta have some pants that are not jeans and not your pyjama bottoms.
For formals, meet-the-rents and your-jeans-really-need-a-wash days.
8. Peach Fluff.
These days girls have to shave a lot more...areas than boys. So we don't understand how guys can stand having masses of fuzzy cotton wool on their cheeks and have the nerve to laugh at the unfortunate Greek girl with hairy legs. SHAVE, goddammit - and screw the 'if I shave now I'll have to shave all the time'. You already have to shave all the time, buddy.
9. Lynx Addiction.
Deodorant is for after the shower, not instead of it. Also, don't believe those ads where girls drop from the sky to smell your guy spritz. The only way we'll do that is if we're on an aeroplane together and we jump off in desperation.
10. Spitting.
Don't do it.
11. Do not diss feminism. Ever.
Any educated man knows the current gender equality status - close, but not quite. Ranting about things you don't understand - and if you think that feminism is irrelevant/stupid than you don't understand it - makes you look vulgar and unsophisticated. 'Go back to the kitchen' jokes are really, really, really, really lame.
12. 'You like me, don't you? C'mon, admit it. You know, the first stage of admittance is denial.'
Now we definitely don't like you.
1 comment:
(I definitely agree about the Lynx/Axe addiction!
And also about having pants which aren't jeans or pyjama bottoms.
Do many Y/Z guys have work pants? Depending on the cut/fit, that's probably what I would add to the list).
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I'm pretty divided about cartoon T-shirts, though.
Sometimes I think, "If you're interested, why don't you design your own?"
And I do like T-shirts related to memes, more than I like licenced T-shirts. It might show he's proud, not afraid, to have some geekiness.
And it's Tourette's syndrome; after Giles de la Tourette.
Have a bit of sympathy for the guys trying to find jeans which are good Probably not the first attractant of girls!
Peach fluff is probably another very subjective thing. If you can see it from a hand's length away, it's probably time to shave. But when it's just starting to grow or is left from the last shave, it can be very tactily atractive. (though not necessarily for kissing).
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