sometimes it's nice not being all hormonal.

 As you may have guessed, I am a bit of a lovebug.

I'm not exactly a love magnet, but that's another story.

But sometimes it's nice having guyfriends. Guys who hold no attraction to you apart from laughs, back massages and good times. As silly and girly as I can be, sometimes all I want to be is one of the boys. I hate being all self conscious and shy around guys, especially when I know I'm wasting my time and that nothing's going to happen, ever. It's tiring and frustrating and in the end, I'm the one who ends up getting hurt.

There are a handful of guys now that I'm truly comfortable around, and for a change, the non-romanticness is mutual and comfortable. We talk about school and stuff. I can ask them someting academic without worrying about sounding nerdy. It doesn't matter if I'm not wearing makeup, my hair's a mess, etc. There's lots of hair ruffling and shoulder punching and sitting on laps. No kissing, no flirting, no hugging, no asking out, no goo goo eyes. Just how I like it.

I haven't had effortlessly platonic relationships with boys for ages and ages and ages, and it's endlessly frustrating. I remember back when I was little I had lots of friends who were boys and playing with them was some of the best times of my childhood. It was so nice to be around people who haven't got that Inner Female Bitch Gene. I acknowledge I've probably messed up two perfectly good friendships - BSC and K - by falling in love with my best mates. I mean, I love my girlfriends to pieces, but sometimes you need a bit of yang to your ying. Platonic yang.

I think some guys - especially the guys that, ahem, seem to go through girls fairly quickly - are a little envious of all these guys who have lots of girl mates, the kind of guys who have probably never gone out with anyone but have no shortage of female company. In some ways you can be closer to your friends than you ever can with a boyfriend or a girlfriend, because attraction is completely out of the equation - it's like even if I was going out with someone, there would still be some things I'd only talk about with Cristy and my friends and not said boyfriend.

I love being myself. I've tried to be myself around everyone, even people I really, really, really like, but that doesn't always work out. I love being myself, and I love having friends. I don't care that my guyfriends don't look like Brad Pitt, and they don't care that I don't look like Angeline Jolie. Girlfriends - at least my girlfriends - aren't picky like that, and it's probably because the attraction isn't skin deep like so many high school romances. Sometimes with guys, and friendship, romance really is the kiss of death.