악몽

I had a dream about you last night.

I remember your sparkling chocolate eyes
The feel of you against me
I remember your muscles flexing around me as if you would never let me go
(But you did, evidently, you did)

I've yet to meet someone with your shoulders
I could never quite wrap my arms around them
But I tried, I tried, I tried
(I remember your heart beating through your shirt
Shaking me, violently
Your demons never played well with mine)

I remember the roughness of your schoolboy sweater
And the man beard on your boy chin
The scent of you, the soft curls of hair
(and I remember the stench of sweat
When you grabbed me without consent
And it clung to me all day, I swear they all knew
But I never said a word)

But I cannot remember your voice
Your sweet, laughing, dark honey voice
Your lips were Cupid's bow
And your words like arrows in me
(You talked of wanting to be inside me
I did not know you meant it quite so literally)

All your kind words
And sweet nothings
Are lost in the terror of your cruelty
That is what I remember
Such volatility
I cried out, and awoke
Tangled in sheets
(Alone.)

How many times did I dream of waking
Tangled in sheets with you?

I had a dream about you last night
An angel with blood dripping from his mouth
The golden boy transformed into a monster

Violent delights have violent ends
Which in their triumph die, like fire and powder
(Which, as they kiss, consume.)