Reverie

It was easier caring for you
Than it is now to care about myself

I remember your heaving shoulders in my arms
I wondered, even in my multitudes
If I was strong enough
For the times I gladly carried you

I was never afraid of you, you know
I was never scared of your long white hands
Or your teeth against my skin

But now I live in breathless fear
Of your contempt;
You and I come from such a tiny village
And gossip tears through it like the plague

There's a strange void between my hips
But not in my heart;
You are still there, it is still the same
Cracked and bleeding

My faith, once broken...
It was all I had to give

The bruises have faded, and yet you still linger
Like smoke in the curtains
Of some faded rockstar's fifth floor motel room

And I am curled up on our wine stained sofa
Catastrophe is its own kind of balm

Why regret what could not be?
(because it feels like it never was;
I have only the memory of a memory of a reverie)