I had forgotten that you don't have those messages anymore and are not in the habit of weeping nostalgic and being sentimental. I don't think you remember what you gave up.
And it's too late now; do you see the finality of this? This isn't just some fight we can spring back from. Words cannot say how much this is hurting me, hurting me more than anything; there is nothing I can do to forget how much this is hurting, or to forgive you for it. I have no-one to talk to, no-one to hold me like you used to. I would have done anything to get that back.
I cannot let you back in, but if you ever find it in your heart to forgive me, please, come and see me. If you can just tell me to my face that you don't hate me and wish me well, I will be okay. I am sorry, so sorry, more sorry than words can say.