"I don't think that being a strong person is about ignoring your emotions and fighting your feelings. Putting on a brave face doesn't mean you're a brave person. That's why everybody in my life knows everything that I'm going through. I can't hide anything from them. People need to realise that being open isn't the same as being weak."

- Taylor Swift

Wednesday, March 04, 2015

Why can't women do anything for themselves?

Now Playing: Style by Taylor Swift (so it goes, he can't take his wild eyes off the road, takes me home, lights are off, he's taking off his coat) 

The vast majority of the men I know will and do go to moderately insane lengths to have sex.

And so will I.

We never ask men ‘why would you do that?’, ‘why did you do that?’ or ‘why would you do that to yourself?’. We don’t ask men why they’re disrespecting themselves, or why they let women treat them that way. We know why men have sex.

Because they like it. Because for most people of most sexual orientations, it’s hard wired in the brain. Because it’s a physical, emotional and chemical experience like no other. Because sex with respect and affection, and not necessarily love is healthy and normal…or, at least, we think it healthy and normal for men. We have been conditioned to think of women as sexy but sexless for so long that we’ve forgotten that these universal truths apply to us, too.

When we see a naked woman, or a nude scene in a movie, or even a woman dressed up or wearing nice lingerie; we automatically think it is for a man or for men. We assume, without really saying it aloud and therefore acknowledging the absurdity of this notion that the only pleasure women extract from sexual congress is in pleasing others, or in the rewards they get for pleasing others. I have never watched a love scene or ogled at a hot guy in a nice suit or watched someone get undressed and think that it was all for me, all for my own pleasure, that they’re getting nothing out of it. Of course they’re getting something out of it; that’s why they’re there, because they want to be. And that’s half the fun; knowing that you want to be there, and that other people want to be there. I understand next to nothing about people and how human relationships are supposed to work but there is a beautiful clarity, a kind of purity, in the give and take of consensual sex.

I know guys sleep around because they like it. I know guys wear suits because it suits the occasion, and/or they like the aesthetic. We all know that. The fact that it drives the ladies wild is a pleasant side effect, but it’s not the only reason to fork out on silk ties. So why can’t we apply this same logic to women? Why can’t we see that women sleep around not because they want a particular something from a particular man, but because they like the intimacy? Why can’t we accept that when women wear pearls and red lipstick it’s because when they look in the mirror they like what they see? If it makes guys weak at the knees, so be it, and I’ll help myself to whatever’s on offer. But pleasing men is not the one and only reason any sane woman rolls out of bed in the morning and adorns herself in several paychecks worth of materialism.

Girls gloat about sex in much the same way boys do; especially now, as the pressure to keep our legs crossed slowly but surely eases off. But it is not, by any stretch of the imagination, a competition, or a status quo thing. It’s more like I had such a fucking good time the other night.

Anything a woman does is for her, or at the very most, for us. Not for you. I can’t believe we still live in a society that believes that the agenda of an entire gender is largely to serve and please the other for no other reason other than ‘that’s just how we do’.

Nothing is ever purely and solely for you; at least not on my time. Deal with it.

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