"I don't think that being a strong person is about ignoring your emotions and fighting your feelings. Putting on a brave face doesn't mean you're a brave person. That's why everybody in my life knows everything that I'm going through. I can't hide anything from them. People need to realise that being open isn't the same as being weak."

- Taylor Swift

Friday, February 27, 2015


Now Playing: Talk by Coldplay (you tell anyone who will listen, but you feel ignored, nothing's really making sense at all, let's talk)

Since arriving at university two years ago, I've pretty much kept an open book policy about my life. My heart isn't so much 'on my sleeve' as 'literally written on the internet'.

I like it that way. For many reasons.

1. I'm something of an over-thinker. I've been described as lightning fast and razor sharp before, but when it comes to big heady emotional things I'm sort of slow at processing them. I find it cathartic to talk.

2. A lot of my friends are older and all of them are smarter than me. I was very young when I came to uni and I still rely heavily on the advice of my betters.

3. When I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, the part that rankled the most was the secrecy; not only because I am terrible at keeping secrets, but also because the secrets allowed my abuser to get away with so much shit. People know I talk; it stops them from doing the worst.

4. When you talk about your own life in excruciating detail, it takes the shine off of people wanting to gossip. I've been what I am for long enough to know that nothing you do will stop people from talking; but when you're not ashamed of anything you don't give anything for people to talk about. And no matter what bullshit stories people make up about me, my stories are always better.

5. To a writer, the truth is no big deal.

6. As mentioned previously, I am terrible at keeping secrets.

7. I lead such a vastly different life to many of my friends, and we enjoy amusing each other with stories of things we will never personally experience.

8. 'You own everything that has happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to speak warmly of them, they should have treated you better'. (or words to that effect by Anne Lamott)

9. The best stories are all kiss and tell and I've always been a storyteller.

With all that being said, it has come to my attention that people are deliberately taking my words out of context, mixing names and muddling stories to hurt people I know or have known, or to cast me in a bad light. I don't believe in putting lipstick on pigs and I know I talk very harshly and critically about some people I know, but I take allegations of abuse and assault seriously and I would never point fingers at random people I don't like; and nobody could possibly hate me so much as to paint innocent bystanders as abusers for shits and gigs.

Think about what you're saying, guys, and think harder about what you're hearing. That's all I wanted to say.

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