J is for jealous
E is for envious
A is for awed
L is for longing
O is for outshined
U is for underpriveledged
S is for social slave
Y is for you and me.
I get insanely jealous sometimes. Normally, I'm a positive person, but it isn't easy forgetting how chances just seem to pass me by.
Take Kristen Stewart for example. I love Kristen Stewart - she's awesome, beautiful, cool, and half-Australian. But she got her job handed to her on a plate - her whole family's in the business. Why couldn't my mum be a producer to give me movie jobs? Why couldn't my grandfather be some famous director?
Same with Keira Knightley. Sure, she works hard to keep her job, but she can't take the credit for *getting* her job.
I have nightmares about publishing my book and ending up a flop. People don't take thirteen year olds as seriously as they should - the X generation has to learn from the Y generation now, not vice versa. I want people to know who I am - if there's one thing I hate, it's being passed by.
And if I do get passed by, that is totally unfair - because I don't want this to sound stuck-up, but I'm not ashamed to admit that I *am* a better writer than most people my age - and I have the statistics to prove that only thirty-six people in the state can challenge me on that - Karri being one of them. I used to feel a bit guilty about it, but I'm not anymore - because I am good at *nothing* else, so why not flaunt my solitary talent? And if my one God-given talent fails me, I don't know what I'd do. I am not the kind of person who can live behind the scenes and be satisfied - I need to be in the limelight; I don't want the fame, I just want everyone to scream my name.
Athletes get medals. Artists get remembrance. So why shouldn't an author get recognition? I didn't ask to be good at writing - I would actually really want to be a dancer or a musician, but this is what I was given and I think it's fair that I get recognised for it. I'm sick of being ashamed of being a good writer. I want little girls to look at me in the kid magazines I used to read and think 'Wow, I wanna be like her'.
I get jealous of other people too: Bethany, Carina...anyone who has what I haven't got. I know that sounds wrong because you might think I should just work for it, but how can you work for some things? You can't buy a boy's heart, you can't buy family connections.
That's what I want. I want people to be jealous of *me*.
Not that people aren't jealous of me, but that's in a bad way. They vent it on me. I want them to be jealous of me and be completely helpless to the situation, just like I am, all the time.
2 comments:
You know, if it helps, I'm a little jealous of your independents and don't-give-a-damn attitude. I'd pay for that. ;)
I like to tell Suzu, who I'll call the closest thing to a BFF I have (though I hate that term) - "It's a capitalist world." Nothing's fair, isn't it? No one cares about who didn't make it, or who is good but not the best - it's the fame, those sparkling few on the high end - but even if you don't get your fame handed to you easy as pie, be proud of that attitude - like Pianista said - and be proud of what you can do. Maybe you'll make it to the top. Maybe I'll make it to the top. See you there :)
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