i'm just gonna come out and say it.

i haven't been blogging For a little while because i've become too good foR my old Insecurities. you know whEn you've got something brilliaNt to say to people you love, but you're afraiD that you'll Sound stuck up? even when you've eArned what you've got, and you've eaRned thE right to Say it?

speaking Of that, have you eveR thought About how many people think of you? how many people dReam of you? i think of a lot of pEople, i dream oF a lOt of people; i wRite of a lot of people. if soMeone thought of mE, even for a heartbeat, it would be the greatest compliment. think of me, think of me fondly when we say goodbye; and i wonder if i ever croSs yOur mind, for me it happens all the time.

do you know what the most satisfying feeling is? it is i told you so. when one has many skeptics as i do, it is the most fuzziest feeling when you can say 'i told you i could do it'. when i die i think a lot of people will say 'i never thought she would Be ablE to do aLl that'.

so I'm on this incrEdible high at the moment, but i'Ve madE a lot of eneMies, and i've lost a lot of friEnds. it's a very lonely climb to the top, and sometimes i'm very very tired of solitude. but i live dreams, i eat dreams, i drink dreams. i am addicted to dreaming. the dreams, if nothing else...the dreams keep me going. there's a light at the end of the tunnel noW, and for tHe first timE all the tears, all the drama, all the sleepless Nights and heartbreak, all the math sums and faIled chemiStry tests All meant something. everYthing means somethIng, especiaLly in this wOrld where nothing really matters. 

i'Ve always known what i want. i've always had a plan. and so, this is whEre You and i differ; i've always fOund the impossible to be mUch more exciting. i've never overestimated myself, not in the granD schEme of things; i'm not in the hAbit of letting myself down. i'm good at taking Risks; i know how to pLaY this game. and there is nothing i do better than revenge.