People underestimate teenagers. People treat us as though we have no capacity for independent thought or opinion. And you know what? A lot of us are snotty dimwits who really should be put in a home until further notice. But a lot of us have a lot to say. Including me.
After becoming a teenager I formed some very important ideas and opinions. I've decided I hated the education system and the education system was determined to hate me. I've decided that boys my age are cold, cruel and heartless and have decided that I am not good enough for them, so, conversely, they are not good enough for me. I've analyzed the sex war from all angles and I've decided to brand myself a feminist for better or for worse. Hitler and Mao Zedong have both scared the crap out of me so I'm on the other end of the spectrum - social anarchist, apparently. Whatever that means. But most importantly, I've decided that God and I are not really the best of chums and I'm better off just winging it alone.
I just find religion so confining. Religion is bloodstained and plagued with scandal, infected with corruption. With religion comes power, and power corrupts, holy or no. I've never been able to find peace in religion; being atheist I feel as if I've cut out the middle man. As much as I would love to lean on a higher order, seek comfort in the bosom of God or blame/rely on some kind of spirit to will things to my favour, I feel vulnerable at the idea of surrendering my control of my life to something I don't fully trust. As soon as you've got someone or something between you and your destiny it is too easy to become angry, or defeated, or overly dependent.
But I still have respect for religion, and for religious people. I always wonder if I'm missing out on something truly magical by turning away from all that is sacred and holy. I'm still not quite sure whether I'm blind or religious people are deluded. Sometimes in utter desperation I pray against prayer that someone is watching over me, but I've never fully been able to convince myself of the fact. A broken heart learns not to believe fairytales - for better or for worse.
But the thing that gets me most about religion is that as a society we cling to ancient, often outdated thoughts and opinions fed to us through holy texts, which are all old and obscure and strangely anonymous. We would not have such prejudices against women, or against homosexuals or blacks or Asians or any other group if we did not have these books telling us that we should. Society must move, people must move forward, the community must continually, eternally change. Humanity is not a static, stationary thing - it is fluid, always moving and changing, and this should be the same for our laws and societal mores. But no. We do the same things people did centuries, millenia ago - all for what? For the love of God? For the love of tradition? We all have blood on our hands. Holy blood is still blood.
Whenever I ask religious people why they are against gender, racial or sexual equality (discrimination and religion is not mutually inclusive or exclusive, but nonetheless, too commonplace to be 'coincidental') they honestly don't know. People have all these ridiculously strong and outdated opinions, but when you ask them why, they've got no answer. They just accept it as a given. They don't think. I'm sorry, but it takes more than a book and a God to make me make excuses for a bigot.
I feel, as an irreligious person, that I have clarity of thought. My thoughts are my own, and I can think straight. I'm not always a logical person, but I have my own reasoning. What is heresy? Sodomy? Femininity? Nothing, really. I would like to say that it's all in the mind, but it's not. It's all in the Book.
No comments:
Post a Comment