Old Man

I miss you, old man

Even with all the boundaries you pushed

And all the lines you crossed

Even with all the fear inspired 

By doppelgängers and nightmares 

And the revulsion swirling like poison in my belly

At the thought of your hands on me

When you reduced me to the child

I killed and buried a decade ago

I became that child again

Too hungry to care

You did not know me then, old man

But I was 24601

Breaking window panes

For a mouthful of bread 

I am not the angel you supposed me to be, old man

I do not care much at all for the corpses

I extract my cold comfort from

I was hunting for balm for my broken heart

But you only broke it again

And now perhaps that boy you were so jealous of

Will not be the cause of envy for much longer

I have never felt so alone

And in the depths of my despair

I hope you still despair for me

If from your misery I can extract some

Cold cruel joy

That would be the closest anyone has come

To making me happy

I have never lived in a world of

Forgive and forget

Forgive me, I am too bitter for that

I live in a world of revenge and vengeance

And grim satisfaction is my only happiness

Take an eye for an eye

Turn your heart into stone

This is all I have lived for

This is all I have known

I know you did not expect this of me, old man

But it is no less than what I am

And no less than you deserve 

I don't want to be alone anymore, old man

But an eternity of loneliness and longing 

Is infinitely preferable to your company 

My first love of mosaic broken hearts

Has at least given me 

The kind of vanity 

That will protect me 

Even in the slums of loneliness

I am too proud for you

And even in the shackles of insecurity

I am too wild for you 

Even a whore who has gone to the bad

Won't be had by a rat.