"I don't think that being a strong person is about ignoring your emotions and fighting your feelings. Putting on a brave face doesn't mean you're a brave person. That's why everybody in my life knows everything that I'm going through. I can't hide anything from them. People need to realise that being open isn't the same as being weak."

- Taylor Swift

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Now Playing: People Help the People by Cherry Ghost (God knows what is hiding in those weak and drunken hearts, guess he kissed the girls and made them cry, those hard-faced queens of misadventure)

Let me tell you what it's like.

They call it a spiral out of control for a reason. One thing leads to another and it all just...escalates. You think of everything anyone has ever said and done, searching for any sign that they don't want you, any sign that they're about to leave, any sign that what they say doesn't match with what they're going to do. But you know the truth is that it will happen when you least expect it, from the people you didn't suspect at all.

Let me tell you what it's like.

Being friends is like trying to run one of those three legged races. It's so hard to step in someone else's pace - and they're always the one setting the pace, calling the shots. They always...call you out for being cold and withdrawn, but the second you say something that suggests you're in deeper than they are, they run for the hills. Why? Is it such an insult that I love you, that I would be hurt if you were hurt, that you are someone who can inspire some kind of empathy when I am so selfish?

Let me tell you what it's like.

You have to constantly check yourself, for being irrational. Whatever the paranoia does to you is made ten times worse by the guilt. You try and hide it from other people, pretend it doesn't matter but it does, it matters more than anything. You can't shake the feeling that someone is angry at you, someone doesn't want to hear from you anymore, someone who once cared doesn't anymore. You think about what they might have heard, who might have said what. It could be anything. The strongest friendships fail at the tiniest things.

It's so much...worse when people call you out for it. I know most of it is just paranoia but it...it feels real.

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