"I don't think that being a strong person is about ignoring your emotions and fighting your feelings. Putting on a brave face doesn't mean you're a brave person. That's why everybody in my life knows everything that I'm going through. I can't hide anything from them. People need to realise that being open isn't the same as being weak."

- Taylor Swift

Saturday, July 06, 2013

speak now #17: on being PC and being me

Now Playing: The District Sleeps Alone Tonight by Birdy (and I am finally seeing why I was the one worth leaving)

So...I've been a blogger for what is officially known as a long-ass time. Nearly five years.

Five years ago I was a very different person in a thousand different ways. I was in my final year of primary school, which I have spent five years establishing was Not Fun, and I was going through the joys of puberty which was also Not Fun and I was basically a sad, tired, angry little kid.

Not Fun.

Five years ago I was twelve years old and confused about pretty much everything; especially sexuality. I was disgusted by menstruation and the changes my body were going through, I was having crushes on girls and not understanding them, I was being mocked mercilessly every time it became apparent that I wasn't this sexless object that people liked to think I was, and I wasn't very interested in seeking knowledge or being myself; I either tried to blend in and hope they wouldn't notice me, or I would do something outrageously attention-seeking in the futile hope that I would find someone who gave a damn.

My posts from my earliest years are pretty embarassing and cringe worthy - I knew I didn't have a big readership and my blog was my only outlet, so basically anything going through my head ended up as a word-vomit post. Sure, I was a smart kid, but a dozen years on this Earth does not a cultured, wordly person make. And, obviously, my opinions have changed a lot since then.

I just wanted to let you all know that if you decide to go down the rabbit hole of my blog archives, that the earlier posts were written by a very young, naive, vulnerable, ignorant little girl. Many of my opinions have changed and I don't endorse everything my twelve year old alter-ego may have said. If you come across something problematic or offensive related to sexuality or gender in the archives let me know and I'll give you my current thoughts in a speak now post.

I don't regret becoming a blogger so early; my blog is my outlet, and I've used it pretty effectively to fight back against bullying and such, and I've made some awesome friends through my blogging escapades. But I grew up in the technological era, when perhaps I was given too much of the world too soon, and I don't want y'all thinking that the rants of a twelve year old kid are by any means authoritative or indicative of my current values and attitudes. Please don't pull a Laci Green on me and dig up something a million years old that may have been possibly kind of insulting and then whack me over the head repeatedly with it. I've got enough skeletons in my closet and I'm already haunted enough by my past.

Stay tuned and stay beautiful, lovies!


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