teacher syndrome.

All teachers have a syndrome.

ART TEACHER SYNDROME - the belief that their (not very important) subjects trumphs everything and should be a matter of supreme importance to their students. Not the best idea when those students have physics tests to study for.

Those most commonly afflicted: art teachers, music teachers, sport teachers, LOTE teachers.

MATH TEACHER SYNDROME - the belief that all their students are geniuses and are simply lazy and 'not working towards their proper potential'

Those most commonly afflicted: music teachers, math teachers, science teachers, sport teachers, LOTE teachers

SCIENCE TEACHER SYNDROME - the belief that their study is of any relevance to modern-day society (it's not).

Those most commonly afflicted: math teachers, science teachers, LOTE teachers

SPORT TEACHER SYNDROME - the belief that any person who cannot run at an acceptably (ridiculously) fast speed has not yet earned the right to live or be treated as a free person.

Those most commonly afflicted: sport teachers, math teachers, science teachers, LOTE teachers

HEALTH TEACHER SYNDROME - the belief that awkward adolescents actually like researching gonorrhea and putting condoms onto dildos.

Those most commonly afflicted: Health teachers and school nurses

SUPERIORITY COMPLEX - the belief that just because one is older/fatter/uglier/more wrinkled than their students they know everything and the student knows nothing.

Those most commonly afflicted: Music teachers, math teachers, science teachers.

CRITICISM-INTOLERANCE - the inability to accept criticism in a socially acceptable (or legal) manner.

Those most commonly afflicted: Music teachers.

THE "I'LL PRETEND TO BE COOL" SYNDROME - pretending to be young/hip/cool/trendy/computer literate in order to impress and/or fit in with their pupils

Those most commonly afflicted: choir directors, relief teachers, LOTE teachers

THE "I'LL JUST HAVE A SARCASTIC DISCUSSION WITH MY FELLOW TEACHER TO MAKE THE STUDENTS FEEL BAD" SYNDROME - when one teacher has a sarcastic 'that's okay, just do what you want,' or 'you're wasting your own time' or a 'I don't know if they realize hiw immature they are' conversation with another teacher in full view of the students in the vain hope it'll make us shut up and do some work. It doesn't work.

Those most commonly afflicted: choir directors and year co-ordinators.

THE "IF YOU DON'T WANT TO WORK JUST LEAVE!" COMPLEX - when teachers offer misbehaving students the option of walking out, or saying 'If you don't want to do your work don't come' when teaching a compulsory class. Trust me, we'd all like to take up on that offer.

Those most commonly afflicted: choir directors, math teachers, science teachers.

THE "GUILTY UNTIL PROVEN INNOCENT. AND THEN STILL KIND OF GUILTY." COMPLEX - when one confuses the profession of teaching with the role of a dictator.

Those most commonly afflicted: choir directors, LOTE teachers, math teachers, science teachers.

SMART ARSE INTOLERANCE - when a student displays that their IQ clearly trumphs that of the teacher, they go bonkers.

Those most commonly afflicted: incompetent teachers, LOTE teachers, math teachers, science teachers, music teachers

ENGLISH TEACHER SYNDROME - when a teacher is being purely amazingly awesome.

Those most commonly afflicted: English teachers and history teachers.