"I don't think that being a strong person is about ignoring your emotions and fighting your feelings. Putting on a brave face doesn't mean you're a brave person. That's why everybody in my life knows everything that I'm going through. I can't hide anything from them. People need to realise that being open isn't the same as being weak."

- Taylor Swift

Thursday, November 18, 2010

teacher syndrome.

All teachers have a syndrome.

ART TEACHER SYNDROME - the belief that their (not very important) subjects trumphs everything and should be a matter of supreme importance to their students. Not the best idea when those students have physics tests to study for.

Those most commonly afflicted: art teachers, music teachers, sport teachers, LOTE teachers.

MATH TEACHER SYNDROME
- the belief that all their students are geniuses and are simply lazy and 'not working towards their proper potential'

Those most commonly afflicted: music teachers, math teachers, science teachers, sport teachers, LOTE teachers

SCIENCE TEACHER SYNDROME - the belief that their study is of any relevance to modern-day society (it's not).

Those most commonly afflicted: math teachers, science teachers, LOTE teachers

SPORT TEACHER SYNDROME - the belief that any person who cannot run at an acceptably (ridiculously) fast speed has not yet earned the right to live or be treated as a free person.

Those most commonly afflicted: sport teachers, math teachers, science teachers, LOTE teachers

HEALTH TEACHER SYNDROME - the belief that awkward adolescents actually like researching gonorrhea and putting condoms onto dildos.

Those most commonly afflicted: Health teachers and school nurses

SUPERIORITY COMPLEX - the belief that just because one is older/fatter/uglier/more wrinkled than their students they know everything and the student knows nothing.

Those most commonly afflicted: Music teachers, math teachers, science teachers.

CRITICISM-INTOLERANCE - the inability to accept criticism in a socially acceptable (or legal) manner.

Those most commonly afflicted: Music teachers.

THE "I'LL PRETEND TO BE COOL" SYNDROME - pretending to be young/hip/cool/trendy/computer literate in order to impress and/or fit in with their pupils

Those most commonly afflicted: choir directors, relief teachers, LOTE teachers

THE "I'LL JUST HAVE A SARCASTIC DISCUSSION WITH MY FELLOW TEACHER TO MAKE THE STUDENTS FEEL BAD" SYNDROME - when one teacher has a sarcastic 'that's okay, just do what you want,' or 'you're wasting your own time' or a 'I don't know if they realize hiw immature they are' conversation with another teacher in full view of the students in the vain hope it'll make us shut up and do some work. It doesn't work.

Those most commonly afflicted: choir directors and year co-ordinators.

THE "IF YOU DON'T WANT TO WORK JUST LEAVE!" COMPLEX - when teachers offer misbehaving students the option of walking out, or saying 'If you don't want to do your work don't come' when teaching a compulsory class. Trust me, we'd all like to take up on that offer.

Those most commonly afflicted: choir directors, math teachers, science teachers.

THE "GUILTY UNTIL PROVEN INNOCENT. AND THEN STILL KIND OF GUILTY." COMPLEX - when one confuses the profession of teaching with the role of a dictator.

Those most commonly afflicted: choir directors, LOTE teachers, math teachers, science teachers.

SMART ARSE INTOLERANCE - when a student displays that their IQ clearly trumphs that of the teacher, they go bonkers.

Those most commonly afflicted: incompetent teachers, LOTE teachers, math teachers, science teachers, music teachers

ENGLISH TEACHER SYNDROME - when a teacher is being purely amazingly awesome.

Those most commonly afflicted: English teachers and history teachers.

6 comments:

Adelaide Dupont said...

It's a really tight time of the year, isn't it, Lady Renegade?

Very amusing - and I can recognise some of the characteristics.

In recent times I read about a twist to Sport Teacher Syndrome.

And your descriptions of music teachers are probably especially edgy.

Mermaid said...

Why are you even doing art if you hate it?

It looks like you hate it?
Do you hate it?

I want to see you draw.

Mermaid said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lady Renegade said...

I don't do art now, but it was compulsory in year eight.

I suppose I would like drawing if I was good at it.

Mermaid said...

Aren't you muso?

Should've done Drama.

Lady Renegade said...

Yes, I am a muso. But music for me is meant to be enjoyable - and I in no way find music theory enjoyable. Solfa pisses me off, big-time. What's so hard about singing the words?

I did drama, but I had a sense that the drama teacher didn't like me much - I had to do drama with the year tens, and so some of the students there had been her favourite for at least two years. I got the bit part of 'Reject 1' - a brilliant step to a superstar career, I'm sure.