Growing up these days is hard for a girl.
For one, the expectations on us are ridiculous, and largely unspoken. It's all about shaved legs and plucked eyebrows and smooth skin and ridiculous figures that none of us will ever get. Me? You know, sometimes I just too damn lazy to shave my legs. I look up from the bath at the razor from it's stupid plastic wall caddy and I jus think 'I hate you.' My eyebrows..I don't even want to talk about my eyebrows. They're horrible. And I'm a size twelve desperately trying to Zumba away last year's post-dumping binge, but really, I have nothing against being a size twelve. Real women have curves.
And then there are boys.
Teenage boys and teenage girls are very different, which is why teenage relationships very rarely last. Teenage girls go through a lot of shit, and we're on this permament rollercoaster, whether you like it or not. One moment you're playing cops and robbers with the boys and being immature about 'boy germs', and then the next minute you've got boobs and you have to carry pads in your bag and hair starts popping up in random places and your bum gets really big and then you find yourself drooling over that boy in your Social Science class even though he's skinny and pimply and you know deep in your heart he's really not good enough for you but you act as though you're not good enough for him and he kind of goes along with that, which is sad.
Boys at my age are heartbreakingly immature. I'm not being sexist, but teenage boys are simply not capable of living up to an average teenage girl's grand hopes and dreams on love and marriage and boys and sex and babies. I mean, seriously, most teenage girls, if it wasn't for education and starting a career, are emotionally ready for a long term relationship and marriage and babies, and apart from the aforesaid education and career-building it's really the boys that make the average marriage age 24 and not 14. Six years of the most epic fail nonexistant love life has made me realize that children have this thing in their brain called immaturity. At the age of twelve it falls out of a girl's brain and she grows up, but in boys it matures into this disasterous thing of sexism and horniness and cruelty and hypocrisy and ridiculously high expectations on girls and whatever other else I can badmouth about my exes, and the sad thing is sometimes this thing in boy brains never falls out.
From the time I lost that beautifully innocent time of 'boy germs' and when I started to fall in love too often and too deeply for my own good I have often seen this inequality in the sexes. This ingrained biological need to be wanted and loved and adored and to be wanting and loving and adorable has turned the tables on us, and has allowed men to stamp over even the most hard-hearted of feminists. Now I look back at some of the incredibly lame and degrading things I have done in the name of love and I curse myself for not being stronger, and for not waiting until boys turn into men, not waiting for someone who might actually be worth my while. But yet it's still there, and I'm still going at it, I'm still chasing the unchaseable, no matter how hard I try to supress it or deny it.
Nature has allowed men incredible liberties, and yet nowadays men don't even open doors for you, or stand when you enter a room or offer you their seat. Nowadays it's not even enough to wait until boys become men, because for most of them...they'll never be men. They'll never be worth it, but we chase them anyway.