Somebodies

Why do I always have to be reminded of
How much I love you
The kind of warm heartandeyeandsoul smile
Of youandI
How much it breaks my heart to see you cry
And how painful it is to feel your absence.

*   *   *

I do not think much of people
Who scorn the teenage lust
That still consumes me;
To think oneself to be higher
Than the rush of young love
Yet still think himself worthy
Of my nonexistent first love
(my rabbit heart is in another man's pocket, my dear)
And to rudely take the vacant seat
In the game of park bench love
You have already declared yourself too old to play
And it is most perverse, I think, old man
That you reduce me to a child
(I killed and buried a decade ago)
Under the pretense of making me ready
For your twisted affection

*   *   *

Don't.
stareatmelikethat
With so much blame
And pretend confusion
You pushed things too far
And don't think for a heartbeat
That I am content
Honoured, even
To be the girl you keep coming back to
Between delusions
I would not even like being
Your one and only
Much less
Your contingency plan.