The Six Wives of King Henry VIII

Everyone knows King Henry VII of England - how he tore apart Britannia in his desperation for a son, who ended up being a daughter, who ended up being the greatest queen England has ever seen.

But his wives are sometimes brushed aside. And the funny thing is, I can relate to every single one of them.

For the uninitiated, this is a crash course on The Six Wives of King Henry VIII (it's very brief - it took me five years to remember everything about them, and you only have about five seconds).

Catherine of Aragon, born Infanta Catalina de Aragon y Castilla, was a Spanish princess and widow of Arthur, Prince of Wales, who was Henry VIII's elder brother. She married Henry VIII and was coronated beside him, and they were married for about twenty years. Henry, dissatisfied with the issue of the marriage - Catherine only managed to bear one surviving daughter, who went on to be the infamous Bloody Mary - and divorced her. She died of cancer at the age of 50.

Anne Boleyn was a French-educated English noblewoman who was an infamous seductress in the court of Henry VIII. She married Henry VIII after a long courtship when he finally managed to break off from his marriage to Catherine of Aragon, breaking England away from Catholicism in the process. She was the mother of England's most famous and well-known queen and icon, Elizabeth I, although her failure to bear a male heir caused her to be charged with fabricated charges of adultery, incest and treason and was beheaded in the Tower of London.

Jane Seymour was the third and favourite wife of King Henry VIII, whom she married a few days after his previous wife, Anne Boleyn, was executed. She dutifully fulfilled her duty as queen and royal baby-making machine by producing a son, although she died in childbirth.

Anne of Cleves was a German princess who married King Henry VIII as part of a treaty to improve relations between England and Germany. She was never crowned and her marriage was never consummated as the King disliked her ugly and unfashionable appearance.

Catherine Howard was a young English noblewoman who married King Henry VIII shortly after he annuled his marriage to Anne of Cleves. Young, naive and pretty, she ignored and misunderstood politics and was eventually beheaded for charges of adultery and high treason like her cousin, Anne Boleyn.

Catherine Parr was a twice-widowed, childless English noblewoman who is best known for being the queen who 'survived' Henry, alive and still married. After Henry's death she married her long time lover, Thomas Seymour, and after a scadalous turn of events involving the young princess who was the future Elizabeth I, she died of childbirth shortly before her husband was executed for treason.

So there you have it - the most simple and to-the-point history lesson of the century.

I can relate to Catherine of Aragon because of her strong sense of duty and pride, and her belief in destiny - not that my destiny is to marry some English king. I also understand her feelings of betrayal - twenty years of enduring miscarriages and failed pregnancies whilst your husband chased other women, and then he turns around and divorces you. Ouch.

Anne Boleyn is by far my favourite of Henry VIII's wives - I think she's misunderstood, like I am. I love her daring goals, her bold ambitions, her rebellious nature and defiant personality, and how she quite literally gave birth to a new England - in the form of her daughter, Elizabeth I.

Jane Seymour is often portrayed as meek and timid, a doormat, or at the very least a pushover, but you must admit, in a time where being bold meant having your head cut off, she played it safe - but died anyway.

Anne of Cleves also played it safe - she made the best of a bad situation. I know what it's like to be discriminated against for being ugly and different.

Catherine Howard was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time doing the wrong thing. At least I get let off with humiliation and embarassment - she gets let off with an execution.

Catherine Parr defied the odds - something I hope to do - I mean, c'mon, she survived something that claimed the lives of five women. That's pretty damn good.

I don't know why I wrote this. Do you know why I wrote this?