"I don't think that being a strong person is about ignoring your emotions and fighting your feelings. Putting on a brave face doesn't mean you're a brave person. That's why everybody in my life knows everything that I'm going through. I can't hide anything from them. People need to realise that being open isn't the same as being weak."

- Taylor Swift

Friday, November 23, 2012

begin again: explained

Now Playing: Begin Again by Taylor Swift (and you don't know why I'm coming off a little shy, but I do)

Begin Again launches in 24 hours!

Give or take a few. I don't know when graduation ends :P

Tomorrow is high school graduation and...it seems...pretty...huge.

Well, not as huge as I thought it would be seeing as we've been progressively graduating for  a few weeks now - we got kicked out of school weeks ago, had our last day with a big assembly and signing shirts and ringing bells and all of that but...this is it. The very. Last. High school. Thing.

What can I say? It's been completely crazy, these last four years. I've laughed and cried more than I've ever thought possible and I've learned....I've learned so much.

But I know that it is time to begin again. There is something to be said for being young and silly and making mistakes - and I've made my fair share, believe me. I've fallen for the wrong kinds of love, said and done a lot of wrong things at the wrong time, believed in the wrong people. And there is something to be learned from being wild and reckless, from not looking before you leap, from falling for the delicious thrill of something slightly twisted, from lusting after everything that is dangerous and treacherous. And there's nothing wrong with that, at all. If I had a second chance I wouldn't change a thing, I'd do it all again.  But at the same time I like to think that I've learned something from all the scrapes and misadventures and broken hearts. I'd like to think that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and if I really am a stronger person after all of that I have the strength to begin again.

Begin again, to me, doesn't mean a makeover. I'm still me. I'm still young and silly. I'll still make mistakes - trust me on this one. Life is one big happy heartbreaking mistake. But high school was getting a little...claustrophobic. I want to meet new people. I want to do new things, see new things. Everything next year will be shiny and new and I can't wait.

If there's anything I've learned this year, it's that everyone has a shot - a shot at life, a shot at happiness, a shot at love. This year I had to undo eleven years of bullying that had convinced me that I wasn't good enough, never good enough - a lot of breaks had to be rebroken. And now, it's time to heal again, and to heal properly this time.

This year I wanted to be fearless - I just wanted to be myself, come what may. And it was hard. It was really hard, and very scary. But it was worth it. Being fearless...it is indescribable, how free that makes you.

And now, I begin again.

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