"I don't think that being a strong person is about ignoring your emotions and fighting your feelings. Putting on a brave face doesn't mean you're a brave person. That's why everybody in my life knows everything that I'm going through. I can't hide anything from them. People need to realise that being open isn't the same as being weak."

- Taylor Swift

Monday, November 05, 2012

Never Grow Up: A Letter to Three Year Old Me

Now Playing: The Best Day by Taylor Swift (there is a video I found from back when I was three, you set up a paint set in the kitchen and you're talking to me, it's the age of princesses and pirate ships and the seven dwarves, Daddy's smart and you're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world)

Dearest Three,

Life's amazing, when you're three, and you know it. I miss you. I miss your six second attention span. I miss sitting in the booster seat at the back of the car musing about how a hundred dollar note would solve all your problems. You were the hoop champion back before those mean doctors cut you up and it hurt to have a piece of plastic swinging around your waist. You're absolutely terrified of Simba who's twice your weight and nearly made you drown, but he's warm and snugly and gives cuddly hugs and slurpy kisses (you get a replacement for that in about thirteen years time, don't worry). Your hair is a cross between a firework and a train wreck and it's oh so cute.

Dearest Three, don't worry about what other people say. I know Mummy has a terrible dress sense but I promise no-one will hold it against you that you used to wear cartoon shirts tucked into harry high pants and you're so short that an untucked hand me down shirt looks like a ballgown. And don't worry what other people say about your Bananas in Pyjamas tracksuit or your Buzz Lightyear toys. Girls can do anything boys can do. I love how your best friend is a boy and I love how that hasn't changed. I love that you don't know your numbers from one to ten but you can memorize the lyrics to all your favourite songs. Which are pretty shit, to be honest, dearest Three. The Wheels on the Bus is not as avant-garde as you think.

I love how you could have read this and understood every word, Three. You're reading Harry Potter now and you love it, and you wanna grow up and be a writer someday. You will. I'm not there yet, but you will be. No matter that you can't write anything legible yet. You will soon.

But what I love most about you, Three, is you're the best dreamer I know. Now I'm tired and cynical and old but you're a little fire engine when you want something - loud, bold and always in a hurry. I love your guts and I wish I still had them - I love how you were always the first to bounce up to go on stage to sing, dance, or just try out being a stand up comedian.

Keep having the time of your life, Three. Things get tough, but keep on believing that life is beautiful. Enjoy your nutella sandwich. I still don't understand why you like it so much, or why it takes you three hours to eat anything.

Nearly Seventeen.

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