Never Grow Up: A Letter to Ten Year Old Me

Now Playing: The Best Day by Taylor Swift (God smiles on my little brother)

Dearest Ten,

Because you're so hellbent on growing up, I'm going to try and convince you otherwise.

Things that you didn't even imagine to be things become practically impossible, to quote Michael McIntyre. Running up the stairs without wearing a bra? I haven't done that for years! Well, I did just then, but sincerely regretted it - fucking OW. Walking through the streets without at least one seedy creep staring at your chest? Unheard of.

Ten is a weird age, dearest Ten. You want to grow up so fast, you get so bored and impatient and frustrated so easily. But you don't know what you're talking about, dearest Ten. I'm sixteen now and I spend every day wishing I was you again. This is the twilight of the golden age of princesses and pirate ships, dearest Ten. I'm sixteen and still a baby but everyone expects me to be something I'm not, and it's very disarming to be with people you thought you trusted and knew only to realize that you're definitely not a baby in their eyes and they have no intentions of treating you as one, no matter how you feel. This is the last year that people treat you like a baby, and even though you hate it, I wish you didn't take it for granted. Being a grown up is worse.

You've grown used to solitude. You lie on the cool grass and watch the clouds puff past and everyone thinks you're weird, but you're beyond caring. You've figured out by now that you only want people who will lie down next to you and watch the sunlight through the trees but nobody ever will, even if they want to. You say weird, abstract things, partly because that's really what's going through your head and partly for attention. You're miles behind on homework but you know that none of it matters. I think that was the part that killed you, dearest Ten, thinking that your life doesn't matter.

Dearest Ten, I know you just want people to know that you don't follow the flock because you just don't care, not because you're incompetent. I know you just want people to know you, what you think, what you have to say, but nobody ever listens, and nobody ever offers their own opinions on anything. You're starved, but don't worry, dearest Ten. There are a lot of people out there. Some of them understand you.

Love,
Nearly Seventeen.