seventoeight.

I don't really want you to know
That sometimes I sit
And watch
And wait
For the numbers to flip
From seventoeight.

You have become my
Tom Riddle's diary
I don't want to be
With or without you.

But
Just now
I had the most horrifying image.

I saw myself sitting
All alone
In a
housethatwasnotahome,
Cupping in my hands
A mug of tea.
 
I'm watching something you don't like
And even though I'm "home"
I've done my hair the way you like.

You finally walk through the door at
halfpasttoolate,
Back from people who don't
Scare you like I do. 

And I press "pause" in the middle of the best part
Ready to become a heavily edited
fine tuned
watered down version

of the passion and sordid fantasies
I keep hidden inside. 

And just when I think we've become teenagers again
With our
mindlessemoticonbanter

And that you're laughing too much in your
funnydeepvoice

I look back and realize

When I was sixteen I said you were a shadow of what you really are.

And when I was sixteen I swore I would never turn my back on
meforyou.

So I don't know...

I don't see...

I don't think
I should spend
any
more
time
Watching the numbers flip
From seventoeight.