Empty Criticism

Mood: proud. and proud of being proud.
Listening to: 'Love Me or Hate Me' by Lady Sovereign
Hungry for: some respect.

Last year I complained bitterly on my blog about being accused of being 'proud', and how the teachers were giving me hard time about it. I've since appealed to higher authorities, and the offending individuals have been, for want of a better phrase (not really) forced to shut the fuck up.

But now it's back. Students.

One thing I've found bizarre about modern Anglo-Saxon culture is that pride is something of an unspoken evil - a temptation that you simply musn't succumb to. Australia, at least for generations Y and Z, is not a meritocracy - it's a delicately fragile ladder of class and order and propriety that collapses every six seconds. There are three classes - proud, normal, and depressed. Being the crazy out-of-place part-Westernized Asian that I am, I wildly bounce through each category constantly.

I've failed to recognise - what is so bad about pride? Growing up, my parents always told me to have a good idea of what you're good at and what you're not good at, instead of pretending you're mediocre at everything. My parents taught me to be proud about what you can do and humble about what you don't. And I've been like that - I've stuck to that advice like The Bible (not that I actually stick to the Bible - but that's another story) and yet I constantly get payed out for it.

I wish I could say 'I just wanna clear this up once and for all', but that never works. There is always someone out there that has this idea in their head that I parade around thinking I'm the best thing since sliced bread, but I assure you, from the bottom of my heart, that I am not. I just wish people wouldn't make me feel so shit about feeling good about myself, and then turning around and saying I'm depressed with a low self esteem. And I have battled depression, image and self-esteem problems for a couple of years now, and the people I blame are those so-called friends I have, those so-called 'teachers' who 'only want best for you'.

I'm tired of trying to be nice. I'm tired of having to apologise. I'm sorry if I rub you up the wrong way, but it's really not my problem. People are always telling me to grow a thick skin, but I'm telling you, grow one yourself. If I complained about everything people do that annoys me, then I'd be here till Christmas next century. So I don't. I button it, and tolerate it. And so should you.

If I can do things better than you can, then, yeah, I like that fact. If I can't, then, yeah, I just accept that. I can't be everything. Someone *please* tell me what is wrong with that. Take a look at yourself. Stop beating yourself down, and stop beating other people down. Do you know what it's like to have depression? It stinks. It's really truly godawful. You feel like no-one loves you and no-one appreciates you for what you are. And that's what you're doing every time you 'try to do something good' and reprimand people for loving themselves.