Being a Bad Asian.

I've always been proud of being Asian. There are the perks of being Asian: black POKER STRAIGHT hair, never having to fake tan, a distinct lack of (or at least reduced amount of) body hair, BIG RED UGLY PIMPLES only looking KINDA BIG RED and UGLY.

But I've never pretended that I wasn't a bad Asian. I love Asian food and I love wearing my hanbok (amazing to cover random lumps and bumps that appear in the gory glory of adolescence) but that is literally about it.

I am an English nut, and this doesn't work so well with the all-Asians-are-good-at-math stereotype. Hell, I couldn't write numbers properly until I was eight and I still struggle with times tables. Now, in Australia, it's really fine to be bad at maths - actually, it's really fine to bad at anything remotely academic. But not if you're me. Not if you go to an elite academic school. Not if you're, well...Asian. With a mother, father and sister who are all freakishly good at maths (at least in my book). My sister got a certificate for maths the other day; don't think I've ever got one of those. The only post my parents got from the maths department about me were LETTERS OF CONCERN.

I don't know why I haven't got the Freaky Asian Maths Gene. I just don't find it remotely interesting, or useful. Before high school I survived THIRTEEN YEARS without having any 'proper decent maths skills'. And you know what? I'm still surviving without 'proper decent maths skills'. I can add up in my head. I know how to round and shit. I know how to use a calculator. So what's the problem?

A lot, apparently. Apparently teenagers have plenty of use for linear equations and algebra and chemical formulas and all that jazz. I never understood it, never saw the point of it and - and here's the lynchpin - I was clever enough to do my own research as to WHEN THE HELL I CAN STOP STUDYING THIS SHIT. I also got very good at IGNORING TEACHERS FOR THE GREATER GOOD. And so, I managed to wiggle out of the math/science shit.

Which makes me a bad Asian.

Any self-respecting Asian would never comprehend why I like Lit. I mean, as an Asian, I'd be expected to be *good* at lit, but it's just one of the many chorey things that Asian kids have to do. But I genuinely love it. I love writing, I love reading, I love arguing. What's not to love?

But that also makes me a bad Asian. Sigh. It's so hard to be good!

The main thing is that I can't speak another language - English is my leading man. I can speak a few words of Korean and even less Chinese but essentially, I can really only properly communicate in English. Which is quite sad, I know, because Korean and Chinese are beautiful languages and it's sad that all I hear is YADIYADIYAH when Chinese people speak. I wish I could communicate in such an elegant, beautiful language, but alas, it is not to be. Which is rather inconvenient in places like Hong Kong, where people will just go YADIYADIYAH at me in Cantonese, to which I reply, in English 'I'm sorry sir/miss, I don't speak Chinese'.

It makes them pause. Stutter. Reconsider the meaning of life. And then.

They make the VERY HELPFUL SWITCH TO MANDARIN!!!! YADIYADIYAH!!!!???? ARRRGH!!!

What shits me is that they never treat white people like this. I don't even look like I should be speaking Cantonese - I have too much Korean blood in me. But places like Hong Kong are a bit like France - they know how to speak English, they just don't wan't to.

Bad Asian Trait No.3495083328489726347: I'm not a huge fan of Asian boys.


I don't get along with Asian boys; Asian boys do not get along with me. Asian boys think I'm too fussy, too bookish, too opinionated, too feminist, too ang-mor (white bastard), not quiet enough, not smart enough, not good looking enough, not skinny enough...the list goes on. I would be a terrible Asian daughter-in-law. Conversely, I'm not in love with Stereotypical Asian Boy Behaviour; and you know what I mean. Only child with a bit of a chubby-cheeks problem, serious mummy issues and Help Me With My Homework Bitch attitude. I just don't like it; I don't like it in any guy, regardless of race. I have a very liberal, Western view towards love and marriage and family life; respect is as important as love, I want a companion, not a master for a husband, and if I have a family then the father will have to PULL HIS WEIGHT. Most of the diehard 'I hate Australia!' Asian boys would not be too happy with the above. I know I'm being stereotypical, but seriously, how long can we hide behind race? It's a generalization, and a horribly cliched one at that, but it's TRUE. I have PROOF.

The last of the Un-Asianess is really quite serious. I absolutely can't stand K-Pop, and I only like historical K-dramas. Shoot me now, I know.

It can be challenging, sometimes, looking one thing and being another. It's hard knowing that you'll never fully fit into the world you've been born into. I know that I'm not fully accepted by the Anglo-Saxon community; I know there'll always be a level of racism and discrimination that  I'll just have to forgive and forget. But the hardest thing is not being accepted by those of your heritage; and not being able to reconcile myself with people from my fatherland. The number of times I've been accused of being racist against my own race is ridiculous; but it takes an ABC like me to see the strengths and weaknesses in all races, even my own. We can't hide behind the 'racism' forever; there are race-specific flaws in every race that we must learn to overcome rather than pointing fingers of blame.