Split Personality.

Many people comment that I am uber-intellectual on this blog and I am a completely silly nutcase in real life.

There are many reasons for this. Firstly, I find it much easier to be silly in real life and serious when I write. It doesn't often work the other way around. Silly writing is a pain to write and a pain to read, and serious people are boring.

Secondly, I was forever picked on for being sullen, depressed, grumpy, unappreciative, etc. whenever I wasn't in my TWENTY FOUR HOUR SMILING MODE. So now I'm almost permanently in that state. I blame the education system and LAME ASS PRIMARY SCHOOL TEACHERS. People don't like hearing about me whinge about PMS, about gay rights, about how I'm shit-scared of childbirth and how I have depression, OCD and Asperger's syndrome. But they like reading about it, for some reason.

Thirdly, I'm the youngest child. I'm used to babying it up a bit. And skipping a grade and hanging out with people older than me doesn't really help.

Fourthly, I grew up in a very unintellectual environment, where people were openly hostile towards anyone with a brain. I learned to cover it up, until I discovered this thing called the internet where HEY! I'M ANONYMOUS!!!

In the end, it's partly about insecurity. I'm not really myself either on this blog or in real life. Nobody, not the people who know me or the readers who follow my blog, truly knows who I am - only I really know that. From a young age I was taught to cover up, lie through my teeth, pretend, act, charade. I'm sick of it, but it's almost set in stone.