The Things That Make Me Asian.

Recently I blogged about being a lousy Asian, but then I realized; I'm much more Asian than I think, I just don't always notice it.


THE THINGS THAT ARE UNDENIABLY, IRREVOCABLY AND AWESOMELY ASIAN ABOUT ME:


1. I feel intensely uncomfortable wearing shoes around the house, or anyone else's house.

I have never in my life been allowed to wear shoes inside the house; it is a very Asian tradition. I have fond memories of crawling on my hands and knees whenever I forgot something but was too lazy to take my shoes off. When I was in Korea my uncle's apartment had a small room at the door dedicated to taking shoes on and off, and when entering more traditional restaurants or public rooms within restaurants you were expected to abandon your shoes at the door. Special shoes are worn in the toilet and are left at the doorway after using to prevent germs from the toilet floor spreading around the house. I always feel very strange walking around people's houses with my shoes on.


2. Alternative therapy for the win. 

Our cupboard is full of strange potions that smell like chicken marinade for insect bites, bruises, tight muscles, colic and stomache ache - Asian babies never have colic. My maternal grandmother in particular is a big fan of alternative therapy, and my paternal grandmother swears by the traditional Korean remedies of honey and ginseng for, essentially, everything; whenever we go there we bring lots of premium Australian honey and in turn we are given 20 years supply of ginseng tablets. Being Asian, we are also introduced to the faithful worship of the mystical powers of chicken soup, in which are hidden all sorts of lovely stuff including, but not limited to fish maw (stomachs), grubs that look like maggots, starfish, shark fin and sea coconut. I have never had an illness that could not be fixed by a big batch of steaming chicken or beef bone soup. Whenever I'm sick, I always amuse myself by making a big pot of congee; or the lazy-girl version, which is essentially rice drowned with boiled water and eaten with canned fish. Like most kids, I hate pharmacy cough medicines that smell like vodka and strawberries and taste like RAW HYDROCHLORIC ACID BEING TIPPED DOWN YOUR THROAT - but unlike most kids, I have an alternative; a thick syrup made of loquat and honey extract which is strangely addictive. I know most people think that this is hokum and yes, I have shown up at school smelling like a chicken wing; but I don't care. This shit works.

3. I eat chicken feet.

Every Chinese mother dreams of fighting with her children for the last chicken foot; I hope I can share with my children the intrinsic joy that is wrestling a foot and spitting out the bones. Chicken feet are a delicacy from the Guandong/Canton province of China, and is an essential part of any dim sum/yum cha experience. As I understand it, the chicken feet are deep fried and steamed to make them puffy, then slowly stewed and simmered in a sauce of black beans, soybean paste and sugar. I suppose it's like haggis or snails; if you don't think about what it is it doesn't bother you; it never bothered me that I eat feet on a regular basis. Chicken feet do not have a lot of meat, but are very gelatinous; think of it as anti aging, because chicken gelatin contains lots of collagen. I have been eating chicken feet for as long as I can remember, but to be honest, the best part is watching the look of SHEER HORROR on people's faces when the see them.

4. Fueled by Ramen.

To be honest, two minute Maggi used to taste like salt and now, 'new and improved', it tastes like celery. Our cupboard is stuffed with noodles in various sinus-clearing flavours such as Tom Yum, 'rich and tasty soup', beef and - get this - one of them is just called SPICY. Proper Korean ramen is cooked for five minutes, with an egg cracked in with 2.5 minutes to go, and eaten with chopsticks and kimchi. Bowl and washing up optional.

5. Rice. Ooh-Rah. 

We eat rice at least once a day. Even the dogs eat rice. When we're not eating rice we're eating rice congee, rice noodles, rice cakes...


6. The wok is my mother's best friend.


For as long as I can remember my mother has had an enormous iron wok that was used and abused on a daily basis. It is used for absolutely everything. I'm pretty sure it has a mindreading function, too.

7. I am bogan in a very un-bogan way.

I love bargains. I cannot contemplate spending more than $20 per head at a family dinner. Food is good, life is good, but both must be cheap, lah.

Oh, I must add something else:


8. Don't be silly. There no God lah.

Now this might sound slightly strange, given the ridiculous SPIKE in Christianity across Asia, but it is true; only Asian parents like mine could be so hardened and jaded towards the idea of God. There are no greater skeptics than a pair of Asian parents in a philosophical debate in their second language with their lit-freak daughter. I worship more sentient things, like food. And food. And food.