The smarts.

You know what's shit? Being smarter than average.

Now I have almost no problem with it. I'm smart. That's that. I can do things that most other people can't. Woohoo.

But it was really hard when I was younger. It was the badly-kept secret; and I didn't even know why it had to be a secret. I knew some kids were smart, some were pretty, some were good at sport. But nobody was supposed to know that I was smart.

Of course they did, and of course they resented it, and of course the teachers did all they could to make sure that they wouldn't be sad because the short dumpy Asian was smarter than them. But does anyone stop and think about how the smart kid feels? I knew people were taller than me, prettier than me, faster than me, stronger than me, and I hated that. But I got over it. We cushion average kids from the elite so much that they resent them for life.

Going to high school was the first time I said 'what the hell' and dived myself face first into whatever intelligence had to offer. I started talking more about bigger things: religion, politics, social policy. I skipped a grade, and now I rake in rewards. I'm in the Sphinx Society.

And I'm loving it. I'm really proud of myself; I'm really happy at the moment. But at the same time, I look back at all the sad times and teary nights and bouts of depression that this has caused, and I almost start to think 'Is it worth it?'


I try really hard not to show off. I just tell it like it is. I didn't choose to be intelligent; sometimes I don't even like being intelligent. But I am, and that's that. And if that means that I get into Perth Modern School and you don't, then so be it. You're probably going to the Olympics and I most definitely am not. Why must I always be attacked, penalized, scolded, for something I can't control?

All I want to do is write. All I want is for people to understand that I came to this Earth, as I am, and I do my utmost to respect that other people did too. Whenever I look at athletes winning gold, or models strutting their stuff on the catwalk I always think 'sigh...I could have been there, and I probably wouldn't be bullied in the process' but I know that my place is in the world of academia; the world of literature. I know the closest I'll come to being a celebrity is an author - but hey, book signings and movies are EPIC. I know my place is in the mystical realms of babies and motherhood. But I also know that my place should be in a world where I'm not picked on, bullied, forced to keep secrets. But I am. And that's that.