"I don't think that being a strong person is about ignoring your emotions and fighting your feelings. Putting on a brave face doesn't mean you're a brave person. That's why everybody in my life knows everything that I'm going through. I can't hide anything from them. People need to realise that being open isn't the same as being weak."

- Taylor Swift

Monday, December 14, 2009

So here I am at school...

Mood: hungry...:(
Listening to: 'I Heart Question Mark' by Taylor Swift
Hungry for: fooooood.....

So here I am, blogging at school. It's the first time I've done this.

There's really nothing interesting to talk about when you're hungry, you're dying to talk to a particular someone, but he's surrounded by a particular group of people who freak me out, in a noisy cafeteria. You can hear every conversation here, but somehow, people think that this is THE PLACE for private chit-chats. Because the truth is, here, you're just one of the many. To him, to her (perhaps especially to him), I am just a student. Just a number. Just some digit in the system.

It's so humid today you can practically smell it - the dampness of unfallen rain and sweaty high-schoolers...and of course, the lingering scent of deodorant that is forever present. You can smell the bleach from the cafeteria and, ever so faintly, the new paint and the smell of fresh paper in the library. You can smell the strange smell that air-cons always seem to have here...even the walls have their own scent. It's fascinating, just sitting here and typing. After all, I don't really pay attention to what my hands are doing. I just look, and somehow I translate that into words.

Faces loom, some familiar, some not, and I hear random words out of the general buzz. I can't hear the voice I want to hear, but that's okay. It's not really an addiction, it's an indulgence that I don't get as much as I like.

It seems strange, blogging here in the open. I normally blog at home, on my private computer, so my unrefined thoughts are personal, private, before they are published to the world. But in a way, it's more secure here, because no-one cares what anyone is doing o the computer. In fact, it would be slightly creepy if people did care. I mean, my computer screen is being watched by security, but in this day and age you forget that 'security' means that some random stranger that you don't even know is barging into your personal space. It just means reality.

I don't care if people don't like my thoughts. I don't even care if I don't like my thoughts. Because my thoughts are mine, it's just that people read some of them here. It's not my fault if they don't agree.

So I'm not afraid.

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