"I don't think that being a strong person is about ignoring your emotions and fighting your feelings. Putting on a brave face doesn't mean you're a brave person. That's why everybody in my life knows everything that I'm going through. I can't hide anything from them. People need to realise that being open isn't the same as being weak."

- Taylor Swift

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Lady Renegade

Okay, so it's been a long time since I first started this blog and introduced myself - two years, almost. So, I know many of you know me but I know many of you don't, so here it is: Lady Renegade.

I'm a Perth schoolgirl - I go to Perth Modern School, the only academically select school in Western Australia. My academic career? I suck at math. I suck at sport. I love English and the Social Sciences. I'm a very bad Asian but at least my politics teacher likes me. I won't name my primary school here but I can tell you it's a load of bull. I'm a grade skipper and skipped a grade in English in year eight and a grade in Social Sciences in year nine. Next year, I will skip straight to year eleven and start studying for TEE.

I'm an ambitious person - I nurse ambitions for Oxford University, or a BPhil at my local university, UWA. If not, a BA from somewhere in Australia will have to suffice, and I'll work my way up to Oxford. Oxford is my dream, and it's my dream of Oxford that drives me mad and keeps me sane. For uni I'm thinking along the lines of history, maybe politics, with an Women's Studies minor. I want to be an author, an actress, an academic.

I'm a very weird person. I blog regularly, for one, something that is not really considered normal, cool or sane here amongst the youth of Perth. I've self diagnosed myself with Asperger's Syndrome but many believe I'm just nuts. I like to think that there's a medical term for my weirdness. I have lots of obsessions, and they're not normal ones: Elizabeth I, random Korean dramas, etc.

I'm also a very stuffed up organism. I was born with a congenital heart block, and therefore my heart refuses to work properly so I have a pacemaker. I'm also dextrocardiac and I have situs inversus. I have random bits of wire and a broken lead floating around my body. I joke that I'm a cyborg. Some people don't come near me for fear that my medical and academic strangeness is infectious. I have surgical down my torso - some people find them disturbing. I personally find my stretch marks more disturbing.

Who am I? I'm Asian. I'm fourteen. I bounce from nostalgic to hyper to bored to depressed to crazy to loony and sometimes, rarely, I have a few moments of normal.

I started my blog in a very unhealthy frame of mind. I was fed up with my life as a schoolkid with no voice and no say. I felt like my life was dictated by the prison system of school. I hated my teachers and my classes and I only had very few friends. I've gotten better, relapsed, and then gotten better again. Over the course of my blogging career I have had two son of a guns walk in, walk out, but hey, you get over that too. Everyone does. Even if you don't, you still grin and say that you have. That's life. At the moment I'm happy, or happy enough. I'm optimistic, and that's what counts. I don't see anything at the moment that will cause me to lapse back into hysteria/pathetic self pity/depression again.

My blog ranges from poems to political crap to beauty articles no one ever reads, but that's okay. They're fun writing - and half the enjoyment of writing is for the writer herself - you can't just write for readers. I'm an avid YouTube fan and I often post my favourite videos here - I hope someone watches them.

Another big thing of my blogs are my personal beliefs: I'm Atheist, which is partly because I believe that the purity of religion has been utterly destroyed my corruption and politics and partly because of all my medical conditions it's not healthy to believe that God inflicted them on me and I, as a helpless baby, deserved them. I used to be Buddhist. I'm a feminist and proud of it.

I'm a secularist, too, and I believe that politics and religion should be as far apart as possible. I believe in political and religious freedom, though, and I believe that even though I don't believe in God everyone has the right to. I don't agree with democracy but I don't see a realistic way out of it. I support the Australian Greens, but I believe Australian politics at the moment is a lost cause. I support gay marriage, but I must stress that I'm not gay. I believe that marriage is a human right and we have no right to deny this right to other humans. Gay people are humans, too, you know.

What else do I believe in? I believe we should all worship coffee, and lasagne, and roast chicken and mangos, and my mum, my best friend in the whole wide world...


Blur Ting said...

You're an awesome and outstanding 14 year old! I have lots of admiration for you, your talent, maturity and ambition. I really think you will go very far. I enjoy your blog alot. Keep writing!

sacripper007 said...

can you at least change the name from MW to RC because everyone thinks that I'm MW and me no like it.

P.S. you know who i am...

Lady Solitaire said...

I don't think I've ever posted MW, or RC for that matter.

And I am almost sure I know who you are...

Lady Solitaire said...

Okay, sacraripper whatever, I have no idea who you are and I refuse to publish any more of your comments, especially if you swear.

There's a reason why I left you-know-where and came to Perth Mod. To run away from you lot. I think we're both in a happier place because of it.