To The Class of 2013

Now Playing: Red by Taylor Swift (loving him was like trying to change your mind once you're already flying through the freefall)

To the Perth Modern School Class of 2013,

We've had a rather tempestuous relationship, huh?

I'll never forget the first term of year eight. I'd spent so long bullied and marginalized in primary school that going to Perth Mod felt like coming home. I loved you all, I promise. All I wanted was to belong.

I know many of you object to my decision to skip a grade, but I refuse to apologise for it. I refuse to apologise for being myself, for doing something for myself. Skipping a grade was one of the hardest decisions I've had to make, and one of the hardest things I've ever had to do - but I have no regrets. It was the best thing I've ever done and I cannot make myself apologise for it.

I didn't talk to many people about it, and I know it must have seem rather sudden. I didn't do it because I hated you - I really hoped that we could still be friends and I could still be part of the Class of 2013 even though I was in different classes. And I didn't think that I was better than you, at all - it was simply an opportunity that came up and I took it. I took it because I knew I was capable and I knew I needed the challenge - and there's nothing wrong with that. You don't pick on the kid in the interstate sports competition, so why did you pick on the girl who skipped a grade in English? I never understood it, and it really hurt me.

I'm not going to apologise if I appeared proud. I was very proud of myself, of what I did. And there is nothing wrong with that - being proud of what you are good at. Year nine English class felt like home. I'm not sorry if I made anyone feel jealous or put out or inadequate - it's part of life. There will always be people better at you at something.

I do not understand what I have done to deserve the hostility. I have never bitched about anyone, and if I ever hurt someone it's unintentional and I apologise profusely. And yet I have had to endure four years of abuse from you, and a thousand times worse behind my back. I know that you think that I'm 'putting myself in front of someone who doesn't want it', but he 'enjoys it so he keeps me'. You don't know how these comments about my best friend and I have hurt me - you don't know me, and you definitely don't know us, and I cannot comprehend how you are justified in saying such things, especially to people outside of school. Nothing anyone has ever said has had a seed of truth to it. I am not a know it all. I have never hurt people the way that they have hurt me. What I did wasn't an insult to you, you only took it that way. I know exactly who told lies to the teachers so that they would have any opportunity to reduce me to tears. I know everything I say or do that isn't perfect or normal comes under intense scrutiny. And for what? All I have ever done was been myself.

These last four years have been very lonely. I don't think many of you understand that - how much I've had to give up, just to be myself. The hostility to my initial grade skipping endeavours was frightening - I was really very scared, and deeply hurt. I would have supported anyone else in whatever they did. I didn't think people would be so...so angry, and take it so personally. And so I decided to cut ties and move up completely. I wasn't going to. I was going to stay, be part of the Class of 2013. But I couldn't - I couldn't put up with the bullying, with the hostility, being made to feel that everything I've ever done was a mistake.

Dear K, every time I see you I want to come up to you, talk to you, make it a loving cup before I leave. I wish I had the guts to do that. I miss my funny basketball friend. But I'm scared. I'm scared that you'll hurt me again. So I'll say it here, if you're still here: I miss you. I missed you every day of the last three years that we weren't friends. Every day I wanted to talk to you, but I was too scared. I'm not hurting anymore, and it hasn't hurt in a long time. I forgive you and I hope you forgive me. And I wish you well.

Dear Class of 2013, I wish each and every one of you the very best. Good luck with year twelve, with exams, with the rest of your lives. You all have wonderful futures ahead of you and I wish you well. I wish I could be doing it all with you, but that's not a possibility anymore. I never stopped wishing that we could be friends. And even though you hurt me, misunderstood me, made me cry, almost made me give up...I never stopped loving each and every one of you. Because I remember that first day of year eight, as frightened twelve year olds in the Thomas St Building. We were all in this together; we were all family.

All my love,
Lady Solitaire.