The Things Girls Like.

I've always wanted to know what guys like about/from girls - I mean, I've seen those 'written by a GUY' columns in magazines, but I'm not stupid - it's very hard to be a size ten/twelve and believe that guys 'really don't care how big you are'. Pish. But seriously, I'm fascinated, and it's not just my endless obsession with love. Boys are fascinating - fascinating in their simplicity, but also fascinating in their complexity.

So now I'm returning the favour in advance. You know. Give you incentive. Something like that. It's how girls think.

1. It's not ALL about what you look like

Girls and guys have a very different idea of THE PERFECT GUY. Studies have shown that girls are much more tolerant of mild/moderate acne in guys than vice versa, which makes sense - excess oil production, which is the cause of acne, is a result of increased levels of testosterone. And yes, girls have testosterone, too.

In an era where girls shave every square inch of non-head-related skin, hairlessness is actually pretty cute. So don't worry about straightening your single chest hair. Like seriously, don't. Burn it off.

I have been told that all the guys I like/have ever liked is ugly. So there's still hope, after all :)

2. It really is the little things that count

This is something, apparently, that boys are really, really, bad at. You know. Breakfast in bed. Random gifts. Little cuddly things that make girls go bright green with jealousy (or, at least, the year-eleven spinster).

3. MANLY MANLY MANLY is actually really, really, unmanly.

Pretending to sodomise your best mate, replacing all adjectives and punctuation marks with 'fuck' and being a bitch to every single girl but the chick you fancy is really not sexy (and yes, guys in my school do all of the above on a regular basis).

4. The Chameleon. 

There's this boy in my grade who is a chameleon - a complete Mr Darcy sweetheart, witty and chatty and funny, on days when we're out of campus; and a complete pain in the arse know-it-all bitch-on-heat when he's trying to win back his ex-girlfriend. IT DRIVES ME COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY BATSHIT CRAZY.

5. You don't like hearing about periods, so we HATE hearing about footy, poo-jokes and random mate problems.

Guys don't understand periods, and makeup, and feelings - and there are girl equivilants, too. There are some girls who like and understand the above; but most don't.

6. Don't be picky. 

Girls are incredibly good at overlooking little personal slights, physical and other - the acne, the random ear-picking thing, etc. So be nice. So what if she did that pinch-bra-wire-and-move-it thing? You try wearing lingerie! So what if a tampon slid out of her bag? She has to put them somewher! So what if she's got a little errant pudge or patch of fuzz? You're fuzzy and pudgy, and all over, too!

7. Girls do eat. And fart. And wear glasses. 

We are humans. ET phone home.