Unconditional.

We forget how to love unconditionally - as children, we all did, at some point. The first person we love unconditionally is our mother - as a little kid, who has honestly said anything bad about their mother and actually meant it? There's something beautiful and vulnerable and liberating about loving someone not because, not if or why, just...loving for the sake of loving.

To be honest, I've never lost my ability to love unconditionally - it's not bragging, because it really is a double edged sword. There is no profit to be gained from loving heartless teenage boys too old to invoke that childish mama love and too young to truly understand how to love again so unconditionally. My greatest weakness is that I love too much.

That isn't to say I'm some kind of lovebug that oozes unconditional bullcrap and can't stand to hate someone - I hope from this blog I don't appear like that. I hate plenty of people, I dislike even more people, and I like a lot of people. There are some people of which my love has limits; boundaries, deal breakers. But some...perhaps most of them are the most undeserving, but sometimes I trip and there's no difference between a jump and a fall. It's why I find it so hard to forget about douchebags who would not condescend to my level - because none of it really matters. I would love my mother no matter what, and I say that freely; and not just because she is my mother. There's no reason; if she stopped loving me I think I would still love her. But aside from that, I feel as if she's the only person to truly return the favour.

How many marriages these days are based on unconditional love? Few. Or perhaps, there are more that are one-sided - one partner so blinded by an irreversable connection that they are bullied into the utmost wretched state by the other, who draws pleasure not from love or from loving, but only from being loved.

We are scared of unconditional love - men especially, particularly men going through this strange liminal space between childhood and manhood. As liberating as it is, its nakedness is vulnerable; it is a weakness, our inability to walk away from a bad game or to forget a bad day, a bad person, a bad time. It's uncontrollable, untameable, and we human creatures are so in love with control. Unconditional love can be what links you, or what chains you. It takes great wisdom to recognise unconditional love, accept it, and cherish it. It is something that, for me, exists purely between mother and child; in this day and age, where beauty is in the eye of the mass media, is it possible for more than a handful of us to feel this way towards others who are not our own flesh and blood?  

I just feel like sometimes I am so young and so unprepared for this world. But on the other hand, I'm an old soul in a young, slightly spotty body. It's strange being...strange.