On Modesty

Now Playing: Sparks Fly by Taylor Swift (the way you move is like a full on rainstorm and I'm a house of cards, you're the kind of reckless that should send me running but I kinda know that I won't get far) 

It's no secret that, when I'm not in frumpy school uniform, I'm normally dressed to impress. I'm not above designer lipstick and a push up bra. There are many reasons for that - I don't think people realize how exhilarating it is to feel comfortable in your own skin when you've spent so long battling with demons like depression and insecurity. Secondly, when I look good, I feel good, and I'm not the kind of person who thinks that everything that is remotely pleasurable is a sin. Thirdly...dressing up, flaunting what you've got and being comfortable in your own skin is part of respecting your body, and that is the core element of modesty.

Modesty, to me, is about self-respect. It's not about what you can and can't wear, what you should and shouldn't do. It is about loving, trusting and respecting yourself, and this should reflect in how you choose to purvey yourself to society. I'll wear pretty dresses and low cut blouses because I know I look good, and I feel good. The times when I hid myself under layers and layers of clothes, I didn't love myself. I tried to hide, and that is never a good thing. I respect myself enough to show myself, just as I am, to the world.

But modesty is also about saving a part of yourself for, well, yourself, and for the people nearest and dearest to you. It's not about how much you save, and who you save it for; the act of doing that, of taking the time to think about what your physical body means to you and to the people who are special to you physically, spiritually, emotionally, etc. Of course there are parts of my body that are sacred. I decide that, because it's my body.

I love attention. We all do - it just depends whether we choose to kid ourselves or not. I know I dress for attention, but not all of it is how much I show - it's bright colours, crazy prints, daring to dress outside of the petty trends and fashions that are made for anorexic mannequins I will never be. I'll never be a wallflower. Not with bright red converse sneakers, anyway.

If you've got it, flaunt it. I'm sixteen. How many more years do I have to enjoy my hourglass figure unmarred by childbearing or age? I'll enjoy it whilst it lasts. Beauty is a transitory possession; but it's a possession nonetheless, and it does nobody any good if you keep it hidden away.   

There is nothing wrong with loving attention. There is nothing wrong with being told that you're pretty, or enjoying the fact that people think you're pretty. There's nothing degrading about people admiring and enjoying your physical beauty, just as there is nothing degrading about someone admiring and enjoying your intellect or wit or humour. In fact, I find it equally, if not more offensive when people constantly harp on about how clever I supposedly am, and totally ignore that I am a living, breathing person with plenty other faults and virtues, and not just a walking dictionary. Only loving someone for how they can arrange words on paper is just as insulting as only loving someone for the shade of lipstick they wear (flutter by Calvin Klein, by the way). When people love you, they love you as a whole. Including what you look like.

Women - actually, anyone, but seeing as I am a woman I'll stick to what I know - who dress immodestly are those who don't respect themselves, and don't garner respect from others. There's a difference between flattering and flashing, tasteful and tacky. Immodesty is when you mistake a severe dependence on public opinion for independence. Immodesty is not loving yourself enough to trust that others will love you for who you are. Immodesty is not reserving some part of your physical and/or emotional self just for you and for the people nearest and dearest to you. When I dress, I have great respect for my body. I know what looks good, and what doesn't. I know that how I dress attracts the kind of attention that I like, but then again I know that the people who mind don't matter, and the people that matter don't mind whatever I do and whatever I look like.

I think you can dress modestly and still wear bright colours, low necklines and figure hugging dresses. It's not what you wear, it's how you wear it; the attitude. I wear what I wear not because I'm desperate to keep up with fads or because I believe that people will only love my physical body and not everything else I have to offer. If you ever see me out and about, I'm never quite with the times; but everything I wear is bright, and cheeky, and colourful. Because that is who I am, and, at least for me, the mirror doesn't lie.