Smile

Now Playing: Cameo Lover (Live at Sing Sing) by Kimbra (this is non stop baby, you've got me going crazy, you're heavier than I knew)

I must confess, I've never really liked my smile.

I don't mean that in a glib way; I just never understood why people choose to compliment my smile of all things. It's not the most glamourous or graceful look. I've seen my smile in the mirror. It's not the prettiest thing in the world.

I've never quite mastered the subtle, innocent, graceful smile. When I'm not grinning like a gleeful five year old baboon I can only really manage that kind of coy, sexy, flirtatious smirk that I imagine Anne Boleyn employed to disasterous effect - I guess you could say that the disasters I inspire are of a very different sort. Which is all very good fun, but sometimes it sends the wrong sort of message to the wrong sort of people, you know?

I'm getting sidetracked.

Despite not being a huge fan of my infantile, cheeky smile, I smile a lot. You wouldn't think it, but normally I'm just a happy sort of person - I haven't been of late, because the end of term blues caught me, so do forgive me if I haven't been my dapper old self recently. Smiling, for me, is very very involuntary, but I'm very very self conscious of my smile. Because in that split second, you're not in control; you're looking right into someone's eyes and they're looking right into yours, and for half a heartbeat you're letting your guard down and letting someone in. For me, that just seems a little too vulnerable.

Some people have the most amazing smiles, you know? The kind of smile that just takes your breath away. I love how everyone, from the wrinkly old grandfather to the even wrinklier baby has that kind of sparkle in their eye, I love the little winks, the subconscious gestures, the tingles down your spine. When my best friend smiles at me, it doesn't matter how tired I am or how angry I was at him, it melts my heart, just a little. It is most unfair, actually.

I'm sure there are other people who don't love their smile, don't like how their faces scrunch up very unflatteringly and shows too much of themselves, but I suppose the people who love you will always think you have the most endearing smile in the world.