I believe that you should never judge someone for what they do if it does not directly impact you, because a) it's none of your business, b) you don't know their motives, their background or whatever and c) it's still none of your farking business. It's so true that we don't know what we don't know, and oh, how often we forget it.

For the last couple of years I have been through some pretty serious depression. We judge people who are suicidal or depressed, when we have no right to - they're not giving up on life, they're not pathetic and ungrateful, they're just pushed by whatever it is to the edge of whatever they at the edge of. I should know. Depression is not something that needs to be fully justified or reasoned - it shouldn't be. It's like when you take a sicky from school you provide a note, not a detailed analysis of your family's medical history. I was depressed because I was sad and lonely and socially inept and struggling with what I wanted as opposed to what I got. And I had a lousy love life. Try as you may to convince me that I'm too young for it, it's not up to society to decide the when and who and why of love. It happened, and I was pressured not only by bullies but by people I trusted, people I thought cared about me to just move on, as if one can blink their eyes and their worries away.

Some things I went through were deeply private and personal, and yes, edited versions of them are on this blog. But some people took it and ridiculed me for it. I can't help feeling sad sometimes, and believe you me, there are heaps of girls (most of them the ones who mocked me) who get plenty upset over pretty trivial things. People don't have the right to judge my behaviour when one was as young as unhappy as I was. Nobody can ever say that they ever know what I went through, because they don't. I'm not saying that my life is Auchwitz terrible, but I am me, these things happened to me, and I dealt with them as best as I could. That's all you can ask of anyone.

Nowadays I am much happier, in theory. I'm still plagued by my oftentimes irrational behavior, which I'm afraid to say you're just going to have to forgive and forget. Perhaps nineteen out of twenty could deal with my problems much better than I did, but I never pretended to be one of those nineteen. Everyone has their weaknesses, and to have your weaknesses assaulted time and time again over a period of two or three years is a bit more than I could handle, on top of life and school and everything.

Don't think I'm blind to it - I know I was a right pain in the ass sometimes. I was almost bipolar in my behavior, swinging from hyper to depressive every six seconds, with only a few glimmers of normal. Perhaps I was more than people are used to. But everyone makes mistakes, everyone goes through rough patches, and nobody can be friends with everyone. I tried my best to grin and bear it, and you know what? I'm still crippled from all the times I denied myself the right to cry. I was only a little kid. Little kids cry.

I'm sorry if I've pissed anyone off or rubbed someone up the wrong way or cried someone to boredom over the last couple of years. I really shouldn't have to say this. It's bad enough that I was so sad and depressed, and now I have to apologise for it. Life is what it is - beautiful, unpredictable, etc.

Who are you to jump to conclusions, judge me by something you don't understand? Perhaps my life and trials seem pathetic to you, but believe you me, there are a lot of things that I find pathetic about your life, and I don't point out how dumb you are every time you trip over the same pothole. A person has no right to judge another human being. I used to think that perhaps people would be more understanding if they knew what it's like to cry yourself to sleep, to pine over what you don't have, and to feel guilty whilst doing so, but they'll never understand, and even if they did they'd still be hypocritical. There is no pleasing this world.

Private judgements are normal and necessary human behavior. It is how we learn from our mistakes and the mistakes of others. But think twice before you make a public criticism. You don't know anyone fully, or better than they know themselves. You may know their situation, but you don't know exactly how they reat to it or how it effects them. To judge someone as yourself is wrong on all levels. I am me, and I will not be judged by anyone, by any standards. I am not one of those people who could travel to hell and back and smile on the journey, and I never pretended to be. I am, after all, merely human. Try and remember that.