Lady Solitaire

To be honest, I think Lady Renegade is dying. Lady Solitaire is being born. I wll introduce her soon.

One of the hardest things to accept about me, indeed, one of the hardest things for me to accept about myself, is my solitude. I like being alone. I like my own company. I think I'm an interesting person. When I'm with myself it's one interesting person meeting another. I love exploring my own psyche, my own abilities, my own possibilites, my own little world of me, myself and I. I would go insane, for example, if this blog wasn't managed entirely by me, Lady Renegade and Lady Solitaire. When people see me sometimes I may seem kind of irritated - it's because they've interrupted some train of thought, broken into a private and sacred world that is writing. Sometimes I walk in a daze, and I forget trifle things like 'hello' and 'how are you'. In my mind, I'm silently, privately, conquering the world.

I also don't like people intruding, as they always do, and I don't like people trampling all over my opinions. I'm also very OCD - I have my coloured fineliners in a particular order, and I follow that order religiously when I write my notes, and so I get extremely annoyed when I drop them or someone mixes them up.

There are many misconceptions about solitary people. Solitary people do get lonely. I mean, solitary people enjoy their own company a lot more than other people do, but it doesn't mean we don't crave society like the rest of you - humans are social beings. It's very hard to form friendships when one is a loner like myself - and when I find myself in times when I really need a shoulder to cry on, willing shoulders are few and far between. Solitary people don't rely on people less; they just rely on themselves more - so in a way, solitary people are quite needy.

Sometimes all I want is to curl up under a tree with a good book and doze. Sometimes all I want to do is blog, blog, blog, and I hate it when I get interrupted. But sometimes I need company. It's like the law of gravity - there's only so long I can defy the physics. Sometimes I need someone to catch me, there are times when I simply cannot support myself and the many burdens of life. Sometimes I just need someone to accept me for what I am: a loner, alone and lonely, and love me nonetheless. Sometimes I just need...friends.

But they're never there.